Getaway

By: Brandy Black

I’m planning a trip; it was a gift for Susan’s birthday. This will be the first “getaway” without Sophia. We are flying into Seattle where Sophia will stay with my parents. Susan and I will then take a ferry to the San Juan Islands to rest, beach comb, ride mopeds, drink wine and just be grown ups again. I wish I could say that I’m excited but my stomach is in knots and I’m sick over the notion of it. I keep tearing up just thinking about Sophia going to bed at night without us to read her stories and waking up in the mornings without her moms. I just wish I could explain it to her and know that she understands. The feeling is similar to the first time we left her with a babysitter but 100 times worse. I can’t believe that I have become this mom. When I didn’t have children I thought moms like me were ridiculous. I imagined I would be the type that would want my child to have experiences with other people while Susan and I kept our life balanced and had our own time together. Well, that’s certainly gone out the window. Sophia is a part of us now and even though I know it’s healthy for us to be a couple sans Sophia, I can’t help but long for her already. As I’m organizing the ferry and the activities, I think about how much Sophia would love this trip. I feel awful thinking this way and can’t mention it to Susan; I think she has a much healthier outlook on it all. I truly hope that once we’ve kissed our angel goodbye on Friday and we’re in the car and I’ve sobbed for 20 minutes, that I will be able to wipe away the tears and have an amazing time with my wife. We need it.