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Happiness
February 17, 2010 by The Next Family
Filed under Brandy Black
By: Brandy Black
I was listening to NPR the other day, and there was a piece on statistics of happiness among people with kids and those without. I listened intently as a few single friends of mine that don’t necessarily want kids have been sure to point out this new American Sociological study. This really bothers me every time it comes up, because I feel estranged from my friends without kids already. I think that they think I’m too busy being a mom to make time for their friendship so they stop spontaneously asking me if I want to go out on a Friday night or inviting me to their parties. Funny thing –I’m almost always available, any night of the week. I’m available more now than I was when I was single. So, finding a study to point out that your life is happier than mine frankly irritates me.
The irony of it is that the NPR interview states that one of the main reasons parents seem to be less happy than child-free people is that they tend to “give up” the happiness triggers in their life: going out with friends, going to the movies, etc. Do you think it’s perhaps because we’re not being asked anymore? I love going out and getting drinks -although I pay for it the next morning when my toddler is bouncing on the bed at 7AM -I still do it because it’s worth it. It is easy as a parent to cocoon yourself around your family because they make you happy and they get you. But after hearing that interview, it was a reminder that the other more selfish parts of me are just as important in order to maintain a sense of self beyond my warm cuddly counterparts waiting at home.
So to all you people without kids: I need you and want you in my life. To all you parents: let’s go out more often, even if only to save the reputation of PEOPLE WITH KIDS.
I do think it’s even more difficult in LA. I have been trying to go out more, lately, but when I ask a friend to breakfast, they’re often like, “Can we do it later or can we do lunch,” and since I treat writing like a job, it’s like, “No, I can’t do anything between 12 and 8, and so it becomes difficult to make plans. But I am going out tonight — for book research, but I’m still proud of myself for going out. I’m also trying to get out on Friday night more.
If the study says that people without kids are happier, that’s fine. I know that I’m happier with kids than I was without and that’s all that matters.
We’ve definitely felt like we’ve “lost” a few of our friends. We still see them; we just don’t have much in common. And if anyone was self-focused before we had kids, now they seem VERY self-absorbed. The silver lining is that I have a tremendous amount of patience for someone who isn’t throwing a temper tantrum or screaming at his sibling so the self-absorbed seem like a walk in the park. We definitely go out, just not as often. Our work hours are probably the most noticeable. We’re just not that interested in wasting time at work, when you have kiddies to come home to!
@Heather How true that it is that people seem more self absorbed than ever before- for me it’s kind of a relief to not think about myself all the time- I didn’t realize how freeing it can be.
ETC- I know what you mean about plans shifting and changing- it’s tough when you are juggling baby schedules and your own, my time is allocated very strategically.