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Embrace it, Don’t Erase it!
July 21, 2010 by The Next Family
Filed under Amy Wise, Family, Interracial Families
By: Amy Wise
Being the white mother of a biracial child is an interesting position to be in. For some reason, no matter where my daughter goes, or who she meets, she is always thought of as black. Helloooo people, did you forget about me?!? Um, I was in labor for over 20 hours, trust me, my child is half white! It’s so funny because I don’t think twice about it, but alas, everyone else does. I’m not the nanny, I didn’t adopt her, I didn’t have an affair with a black man who left me! It’s simple: I’m married to the man I love…her father, and our daughter is our daughter –black, white, or otherwise. However, whenever I hear all the references to her being black, I tend to feel a bit left out. She is half black and half white…the best of both of us! This is something that we have taught her to embrace and cherish. She gets to live both cultures, backgrounds, and traditions. It’s beautiful! Why does society then continue to choose to label her?
Does the reference to her being black go all the way back in history to the “one drop rule”? Back in the day if you had one drop of “black blood” you were considered black. That is just silly in my opinion, because in a sense you are erasing the rest of who someone is.
Our current President is a perfect example of this. Isn’t it interesting that we refer to him as our first “black President?” Did we forget his mother was white? I am just as proud as the next person that he was elected…history-making for sure, however, the fact is, he is our first biracial President. Don’t erase his mama!
We will always raise our child to be proud of all sides, even though society keeps “telling” her otherwise. She is black AND white…embrace it, don’t erase it!
Amy Wise is a Freelance writer in San Diego,
you can read more on the www.themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com
I have always found that “one drop of black clood” thing interesting. Of course, it was meant to be a bad thing way back in the day. But I look at it as a good thing, black is beautiful and if you can have a little in ya (insert dirty joke), you are beautiful too.
Amy,
You are so right. It is a sad part of our history and I think people still judge and forget the “white” part. I am hoping the fact that Obama is biracial has moved us forward to where we can just say you have a beautiful daughter and she happens to be biracial rather than who’s your Mama. Great food for thought. Big year junior in high school. This is the year that makes or breaks your daughter’s college career. But why worry????!!!!!!!!! Just a little food for thought from me. I remember this year for my boys and it was difficult indeed with sports and grades in that order of importance.
You done good.
Gosh Amy,
How do you always seem to know what I’m going through at the time? Jared’s grandfather has been telling Jared the same thing lately which has been so confusing for him. Jared said “Mommy, granddaddy says that I’m black but you’re white and daddy is black, so I’m black and white, right?” He has even gotten to the point where he doesn’t really like to go visit now because he says “Granddaddy just forgets about you mama”. I know the earlier generation had it so rough and I understand that, but don’t understand why everyone wants to “forget” the mom. It’s like we’re something to be ashamed of. I’m with you…Jared and I went through so much when he was born and wouldn’t even be here without God’s grace, so its hard to know how to address this delicate situation.
Once again, thank you for reminding me that I’m not in this alone !!
Love,
Teri
Madge,
One day hopefully we will all just be. Not black, white, biracial, or otherwise…just be! You are so right about junior year! This is the year! Between school and dance it’s going to be insane for her! =) Good times.
Teri,
That is so crazy that you are going through this right now. My best advice is to talk to your son and tell him just what I said. Embrace it, don’t erase it. He is half you, half Dad and he should be proud of that. I would have a conversation with Grandpa too and remind him of the importance of teaching your son his entire heritage not just part of it. Have him read this if that would help. Sometimes the older generation gets stuck in history and we need to help them out of there a bit! I am so happy to be there for you! Weird about the timing huh?!
Hugs Ladies! Amy
Your daughter is absolutely gorgeous!
I completely agree. Luckily our kids really embrace both sides and correct people who identify them as black only.
I also feel so strange that I do not think twice about my children and their connection to me, but am completely amazed at outside people trying to make it make sense for them.
Daryl,
You are right, back in the day it was meant to be a bad thing. Dirty joke…you are too funny!! My giggle today!
Laura,
Thank you!
It is just too weird to me that people question what she “is.” Um, she’s my daughter! The hilarity of it all is, I’m adopted but look like my adopted Mom and never ever get questioned as to if she is my Mom. Yet Tatiana, who is my biological child…questions abound!
Thanks for reading all!
Amy
Oh how I long for the day when all of us can truly just “be” without all these unnecessary labels and little boxes that rear their ugly heads on a daily basis in our neurotic society. We all bleed the same no matter the color of our skin or choice of life partner. Why do people care so much about this silly outer shell that merely serves as temporary shelter for the true essence of one’s self that exists deep beneath the skin in the first place?
I could not agree more, we are just people. It always makes me smile when someone says my (fill in the race) friend. I always ask….is there a particular reason that you need to say what they are? A friend is just a friend! I look at my husband and I just see a wonderful man not his race. God bless you Amy for speaking out on these things.
Tracy and ARC,
Thank you both for reading! Tracy, we DO all bleed the same, why can’t people just realize that simple fact. ARC I feel the same way about the friend distinction. It’s just all silly to me.
People are people are people. We all have hearts, souls and minds that work the same way. Some just need to bring the heart and soul a little closer to their minds. =) I believe there will be a day when we can all just “be” we just have to work a lot harder to get there! One person at a time.
Amy
Hey Amy. When it’s come to Irene, people think she is something else then Black,White. She have been called Latino and many other things. But when she is around Africans/Americans the only thing she are is Black. I feel sometime left out. But Irene look at herself as Icelandic/American. In the school paper thing they have to fill out she put White. On other things she put Black or others. We have accept this but other do not, sad but true. Solrun
Solrun,
It’s crazy huh?! Why oh why do people want to break our kids into pieces and put them into one category? It’s so ridiculous. 1+1=2 and black+white = mixed
It’s not rocket science, it’s a simple fact. Tatiana is a blend of Mama and Daddy and proud of it!
Embrace It, Don’t Erase it:
Amy, I love what you wrote and that is why you should support the Bi-racial adult woman that has her own website. Her name is CAROLYN BATTLE-COCHRANE [ http://videoproduction.battlecatt.com/ ] Phone number is: (914) 557 1237. I think that I wrote to you and Heather about her before. I spoke with her long distance.
The title of her DVD project is “I’m Bi-racial, damn it, not black”. Where as I agree with her ideas because I too am sick and tired of that stupid “1 drop blood” rule that I want gone as much as I want to N word and B word towards women gone. However, my only critical thought on her title is that Carolyn should have made the title softer because the part of (damn it, not black) makes it seems that she hates being part Black or African American. However, she explained that is not the case. Anyhoo, I suggest that you check out Carolyn’s website or even give her a call. She is trying to get on the Oprah show and get her own t.v show for Bi-racial people.
What I totally disagree with is that what you, Amy are talking about in your blog now. Why is it if a person is half black, people in this country just want to label them as 100% Black, especially when it very clear that a lot of people clearly can be seen half and half. I am one of the few in this country that refers to President Obama as just what he is, “the first Bi-racial president”….
It like people in this country do not want to accept his mother, the same as people do not want to accept beautiful movie star Halle Berry and singer Alicia Keys as being half Caucasian/White and being bi-racial is what makes them both two of the most beautiful women on this planet, not just in America, but on the planet, period. I always tell my son, Alex to Never just say that he is all African American and accept his full heritage. I wished that my Native Indian heritage would show up in me, but it does not, but I claim it and what little Latin there is on my census forms and any other boxes to be checked.
Amy, I love the way you explained in your blog (which should be more publicized) for all people to read that your pretty daughter is Not adopted, not from a Black man who later left you and child, which is what some people think in this country.
There are many (not in the public eyes) interracial families with biracial kids from the same parents that are still together and that is God’s blessing because racist and bigots think that mix marriages are not going to last anyway, when in reality same race marriages get divorced just as much. I was reading your blog and responding in between at the same time, but now that I have finished it, I realized that all that you expressed is what I feel and have written here.
Amy, you and Jaime are awesome. I was just thinking about what was said to me when I was in Las Vegas over the 4th week. I was telling this interracial couple with kids how blessed they are and to always tell their kids to tell people their whole racial heritage. The husband said to me, “yes that’s true, but what happen when the cops stop them, the cops are just going to see Black, not half White. However, until we in this country start to make a major change in peoples mind, they will always keep using the same words.
In closing, I sign out with these words written by one of the most famous men on this planet.
“Let Us realize that a Change can only come, when We stand together as one.” “We Are The World” by Michael J. Jackson
Peace & Blessings & Lots of Interracial Love.
Nay K.,
Wow! Thank you for your heartfelt comments!
Funny that you mentioned Carolyn’s site because I already commented on it a couple of months ago. =)
Interesting what the couple in Vegas said regarding what cops will always see….black only….I wrote about that a year ago on my blog check out the link below. Soooo frustrating, but sadly so true!
http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/05/dwbdriving-while-black.html
In regards to what you said about Alicia Keys and Halle Berry…it drives me nuts that they are always referred to as black women! Hellooo where are the Mama’s in this equation?
Hopefully, one day with time, patience, and a lot more conversation, people will just be people, and every bit of who they are will be accepted.
Thank you for reading and for your kind comments.
Amy
My children resemble their Japanese father more than me, so Americans sometimes ask me if my kids are adopted. As if it’s any of their business! I imagine that’s happened to you, before, too.
Your daughter is gorgeous, by the way!
On 21 July 2010: Madge wrote: {I am hoping the fact that Obama is biracial has moved us forward to where we can just say you have a beautiful daughter and she happens to be biracial rather than who’s your Mama.}
Madge, this is the second time that I have responded directly to one of your blog comments on Amy’s awesome blog. I just wanted to add that you are right in the way that you wrote about current president, Barack Obama. He is our first, hopefully Not the last, Bi-racial president and I am all for stating for the public record every mixed raced person on this planet their full heritage, as oppose to just Black.
The only negative thing that I have heard by way of Amy’s and my mutual Loving Day.org friend, Heather is that she told us that during recent census registration that president Obama just claimed that he is 100% Black/African American, which if that is the case it is NOT true. I am thrilled that he is in office and will vote for him again, but although every person has the right to name and claim what they want to be, but I truly wish that he would publically state All of his beautiful racial heritage. If he came out and stated publically that he is Bi-racial that would be a giant step for All Bi-racial people in this country.
Suzanne,
Thank you for the compliment about Tat! =) Adoption questions or the like…. yes, that happens all the time! I have actually written about that a couple of times on my blog:
http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2010/07/is-that-your-mom.html
http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/06/big-surprise.html
It is a never ending issue that at that this point just makes me laugh! Thanks for reading!
Amy
Nay K.
Well said. Thanks as always for your comments and for reading!
Amy