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Her Head is Going to Spin Around!
January 12, 2012 by Tanya Dodd-Hise
Filed under Family, Same Sex Parent, Tanya Dodd-Hise
By: Tanya Dodd-Hise
Do you ever feel, as a parent, that everything you do is wrong? I mean, I’ve had these moments over and over during the course of the past 20+ years (oh my God I’ve been a parent for over twenty years!), but I don’t remember feeling it quite the way I am this go-around.
When Harrison was first born, we bragged that she was the perfect baby – eating, burping, sleeping, pooping all when she was supposed to, or so we thought. After about two or three weeks, however, her sleeping became erratic. Her eating became episodes of vomiting that just seemed to get worse and worse. Her pooping became less and less, and at times, non-existent. I had been so confident that it would all come back to me, no problem. I was cocky enough to believe that I was “older and wiser” and whatever this baby threw at me, “I got this.” HA! She currently has my arm twisted behind my back, and I am quickly being brought to my knees, about to cry “Uncle!”
As her eating/spitting-up issue has gotten worse, I still maintained my history that walked me through this not once, but twice. Both boys had reflux, accompanied by projectile vomiting. I remember, all those years ago, that friends and family alike called Nicholas “the vomit king”, affectionately, of course. When Noah came along many years later, I was well prepared when he followed in his brother’s footsteps as heir to the vomit king’s throne – only his was worse. Back then, pediatricians didn’t put them on medications, but rather referred us out to pediatric GI doctors at the children’s hospital; those doctors, in turn, would run tests, perform upper GI series (which was an awful ordeal in and of itself), and threaten surgery for conditions that continued to get worse. I tried everything with the boys, thinking that the next thing would help somehow and give these sweet babies a tiny bit of relief. Nicholas ultimately went on fresh goat’s milk around ten months old, and I had to drive an hour to a farm to buy it. Noah nursed almost exclusively, but because he was a preemie, had to supplement with formula – and we tried so many different ones. He ended up going on cow’s milk at around ten months old (to supplement breast milk), and his condition got remarkably better as well. It was so bizarre that both boys were preemies, both were born five weeks early, and both had terrible reflux conditions.
So now here I am, all these years later, with a new baby girl that seemingly has the same awful condition that her older brothers had. We are trying everything and nothing seems to be bringing relief to her. It feels like everything we are doing isn’t working or is just plain wrong. She is on her sixth – yes, SIXTH – formula, and vomiting just as much as ever. She tried Zantac, but threw it up. She is on Prevacid, and we have to time her meds not near eating time, or it will get spit up as well.
We bought her a special thing to lay in – The Nap Nanny – in hopes that it will put her in a position that will alleviate the heartburn and allow her to nap without spitting up so much and waking herself up. I feel like everything I do is wrong, and I don’t remember ever feeling like this before. It is a horrible, helpless feeling to hold a screaming baby, knowing she is in pain and being powerless to make it better. She had gotten to the point where she was spitting up blood, so back to the doctor we went, where we were switched to our current formula and medication regimen. We’re tired mommies, and we know that she is just exhausted every day from constant bouts of heartburn.
The other day, after she had been screaming for a particularly long time, I had to put her in her swing and sit down, head in my hands. I sat and cried, talking out loud to both Harrison and God, asking what I could do to make her feel better. It wasn’t a good afternoon. For the first time since she was born, I felt totally and completely inept and over my head. Just when we think that we’ve tried everything, we somehow come up with something else to try, waiting to see if it will be the magic trick that will ease her pain and bring us back to some sense of normalcy. Right now, our days and nights are managed by a tiny, eleven-pound baby girl who needs us every moment that she is awake. I get frustrated and irritable because the house is a wreck or because the laundry never gets caught up, but I have to stop and remind myself that she is tiny and defenseless, and that this is not a permanent condition. I’m trying to enjoy the snuggling that at times, for a few quiet moments, makes her feel better and brings her some rest. I know that there will come a day when I will want to hug on her and she will not be interested any longer. I will want to hold her hand and she will pull away. So for now, I will hold her when she needs holding and rock her to sleep so she won’t cry. I may be flubbing up everything else, but I will be able to one day tell her that I did the best mommying that I could when she was new.
I know this feeling but you are doing everything right. You will find the right combination of meds and formula. It breaks my hear to think of beautiful little Harrison in all her unfuckingbelievable clothing, matching hats, socks, leg warmers, bibs and shoe socks feeling so crappy. It will get better. Hoping sooner than later. Might be time for a Pediatric GI doc. Love you all.
I am so sorry that you all are having to go through this! Sounds like she definitely has reflux and possibly some formula issues. My own daughter had issues with these. Prevacid and completely eliminating dairy/soy from my diet (as I was breastfeeding) fixed her. I hope that you guys can find the magic combo to help end the crying!
OMG Tanya, I am going through this but only 2/10′s of what you are experiencing!! Today I sat on the couch and cried twice, then finally took her to the doctor. I really feel for you as mine has only just started at almost 5 months. I would love to hear about your laundry dramas that come with the spitting up since you are such a wonderful writer! Maybe we can swap ideas…I dunno, maybe we can help each other. I am thinking of you!!!
Thanks Madge – as always, I love your encouragement…and you!
Yeah Jen, the first day on the new formula was pretty awful, but the past two days have been okay. Maybe we’re on the upswing.
And OMG Kerrie, the laundry. THAT is a whole other blog in and of itself! We have to cover up her cute outfits with bibs most of the time, just to avoid changing her clothes five times a day. Sigh. Thanks for the supportive words!
Oh how familiar this sounds! I spent the first several months of my daughter’s life trying to figure out how to alleviate her severe pain when feeding. She was a very fussy baby to begin with, so even when she wasn’t eating or sleeping (also a difficult sleeper), she was crying. Her doctors wouldn’t take me seriously – including a GI specialist, who said she had no reflux after that horrible upper GI series, even though I knew she did – they all said it was “normal” and would get better with time. In the meantime I could barely get 1-2 oz. of formula down her in one feeding before the screaming commenced very suddenly and feeding stopped (I had to give up breastfeeding for multiple reasons). So, so upsetting to be so helpless.
I settled on Similac Sensitive as the formula that caused the least problems for her (this will of course vary from baby to baby). She had terrible gas pains as well as reflux, so I added diluted chamomile tea and various homeopathic remedies to her bottle, which helped some. She finally outgrew the gas pains around 4-5 months and I slowly decreased what I was adding to her bottle until it was just plain formula again.
I finally convinced her dr. at 4 months to prescribe Zantac, which helped the reflux some, but only temporarily. He then proceeded to up the dosage, but again it helped only temporarily (and I later found out that he prescribed her the *adult* dosage of Zantac and I had to get her blood tested to make sure there was no long-lasting organ damage, which fortunately there wasn’t). This is a doctor who came highly recommended.
In any case, when she was 6 months old we moved to a new state, and her new pediatrician (the only one who ever listened to me) prescribed Prilosec, and that helped the reflux tremendously until she outgrew it @9 months. From that point on feedings were so nice and pain-free! And starting solids was completely hassle-free. But she did spit up (without pain) every time I gave her cow’s milk after she turned a year, so I suspect she has some milk protein intolerance (she still spit up with lactose-free cow’s milk). I gave her soy milk for a year, and when she turned 2 a few months ago and didn’t need to keep the fat content as high, I switched her to almond milk.
So I just wanted to say I totally understand how terrible it is, and frustrating to find it hard to find the right solution. Keep trying different things, and go with your gut. Go to new doctors if the old ones aren’t taking you seriously. And remember that this, too, shall pass.
Good luck!
Hi,
My wife and I have twin boys that are 17 months old and one has no trouble but the other has had problems since he was born with vomiting and discomfort that makes him scream for hours. He still doesn’t sleep through the night and I always can feel the pain in his tummy even now. He is on Ranitidine (we are in Canada so I don’t know the american name) and it has helped quite a bit but the vomiting is spectacular and there are days that my wife and I just cry because after 17 months with twins where only one sleeps through the night we are so exhausted we don’t know what to do half the time. Crying it out with this boy just leads to vomit all over the shared room so it almost makes us feel like hostages. He is so cute and sweet otherwise that it’s easy to love him anyways but I can just feel your pain through this post and I wish you luck with your journey. As he has gotten bigger it has improved slightly so I wish for you that everyday gets better and someone comes up with the answer. Keep asking is all I can say because I got so sick of everyone telling me that he would grow out of it. Those people are not in your house all day and all night when your child is screaming in agony and there is nothing you can do for them and you feel like how can you even attach to this creature that is so unhappy and what kind of mom are you when you can’t relieve pain in your child. The only other advice for you that gave us some peace is the Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper it is approved for co-sleeping and they can stay in it all day and all night. Available at walmart and target and not expensive. That nap-nanny has some scary incidents if you google it so you might want to try this other sleeper-it really helped for us because he was safe and your could rock it to try to calm him and you didn’t have to transfer for bedtime (we moved it from room to room with him in it) and the angle helped a bit with the reflux. Good luck and know that many people are thinking about you and wishing you strength (and sleep!)
Hugs,
Crista