Being a Single Surrogate
By: Kelly Rummelhart
Two more surrogates share their answers to questions about their experiences as single, gestational surrogates.
Were you single when you applied to be a surrogate? If not, at what point in the process did you become single? Are you single (as in alone) or are you single with a partner, you just aren’t married?
S: First time I was engaged when I applied to be a surrogate. I became single right before the transfer. Second round I was in a committed relationship and became single just after the contract was drafted. Right now I am single, as single as can be. Maybe that will change soon.
V: Yes … I had a jerk of a boyfriend that I got rid of shortly after beginning my application. I’m single with a partner. We met shortly after my 2nd transfer.
For married people, usually their husband is their major support system . . . who is yours?
S: I have a lot of support. My friends, family, co-workers. They all think what I do for other families is amazing. Luckily I haven’t had any negative people around me at all.
V: My major support is my awesome boyfriend. He’s been here for me thru everything when there was nothing holding him here except for the chance of what could possibly be. He could have walked away without looking back but he chose to stay with me.
What do you see as being the positives and/or negatives of being a single surrogate?
S: The positive of being single is you can be moody and sleepy all by yourself and not have to worry about making someone else deal with it. The negative is that if you do meet someone, it can be hard to explain the situation and the fact that if they are really interested they are “cut off” until the contract is up.
V: Positives, everything was at my discretion and I didn’t have to answer to or check with anyone. Everything was up to me and the parents.
What are your thoughts on dating while being a pregnant single surrogate? Open to it? No way? Why or why not?
S: I met a guy when I was six months prego the first round. I didn’t have a baby bump so I didn’t tell him on our first date. I didn’t tell him on our second date and when he wanted to watch a movie I just acted nervous to cuddle with him. (I didn’t want the baby to kick him!) I finally had to tell him and he was totally supportive about it. He thought it was amazing and wasn’t worried about it at all. That was a relief. The guy I’m talking to now, possibly moving forward with is also very supportive. He thinks it’s an amzaing gift and says I’m worth the wait for sex. He’s a keeper, Now I’m completely open from the start. No reason to hide it because if they are not supportive, I can choose to end that relationship.
V: At first I was against it … then I became lonely and thought if can find someone now, then they almost would have to be the perfect person because of everything that was about to be gone thru. I’m so incredibly glad that I took a chance to find someone because I ended up finding the perfect person for me and my children. It’s hard looking for and finding the perfect person. You definitely see a lot of “bad seeds” because a lot of guys are only looking for a random hook up. Luckily I found an amazing man that wanted the same thing I wanted: a family!
Would you be a single surrogate again?
S: I would be a single surrogate in a heartbeat. I have plenty of support from family and friends and my son thinks it’s awesome too, so why not? Until I’m too old to help, I’m all for it.
V: Yes, because I had an amazing experience.