By: Kelly Rummelhart
. . . or, for me, a lack there of
The last two weeks we’ve talked about being a single surrogate and I received a great question about having sex as a surrogate, single or otherwise.
Now, I know different agencies have different guidelines, as do the various doctors surrogates will see throughout their pregnancy. There aren’t a lot of universal rules when it comes to your sex life, although I’m sure “don’t whore around” would be one.
When you’re leading up to your transfer, most will opt not to have sex. There have been some potential surrogates who have accidentally gotten pregnant before their transfers. Nothing like going in for monitoring appointments to find an embryo already there! YIKES! Usually, you are put on birth control pills at the time of your screening for this reason and to help control your cycle when the time comes to align with an egg donor.
After the embryo transfer, most surrogates are told to remain on “pelvic rest” for anywhere between two weeks to the first ultrasound appointment (aka confirmation of the heartbeat). Knowing several surrogates at various agencies with various RE’s, there isn’t one set rule.
Some surrogates may be placed on extended pelvic rest in the first trimester if they end up with bleeding or get pregnant with multiples. In the third trimester, some will be put on pelvic rest again if they have issues with early contractions, etc. Again, it seems to be on a case by case basis.
For most surrogacies, just like regular pregnancies, there is usually no problem having sex throughout your pregnancy if there are no extenuating circumstances. Of course, for surrogates, this will need to be monogamous with the partner that was medically screened with them, whether they are married or single.
I am a good example of someone who screened with my husband and now that I’m single, per contract, the only way I can have sex with someone would be to have them medically screened. Now, since your IPs would have to cover that cost, most surrogates decide to just abstain through the pregnancy. Now there are some activities that you could participate in since they don’t usually transfer sexually transmitted diseases.
Before transfer, my husband and I usually stopped having sex about a week before the transfer. He had a vasectomy so pregnancy wasn’t an issue.
After transfer, My husband and I abstained from sex until the confirmation of the heart beat at the first ultrasound.
During the pregnancy, for my first set of twins, I was placed on “pelvic rest” for the first trimester because they were identical twins. I was also then placed on pelvic rest again at 26 weeks for the same reason. At 35 weeks I was given the green light to let the orgasms happen. For my second set of twins I had a different OB and was not placed on any pelvic rest until around 31 weeks when I had some contractions. This time, my husband left before the confirmation of the heartbeat, so I will more than likely be abstaining throughout the whole pregnancy. Since it’s a single and I’ve had no issues, I will most likely not be put on pelvic rest . . . we’ll see!
Point of clarification: when I mention pelvic rest, this implies no orgasms . . . which could be no sex, oral sex, masturbation, etc. Of course there is nothing you can do about great dreams that lead to involuntary orgasms. I mention this because lately a lot of my surro-gals have been reading Fifty Shades of Grey and I am sure have no control over pelvic rest at many parts of the three books.