The Last Non-Supper

By: Susan Howard


Am I euphoric, elated, joyous? No I am not. I have the rest of the day to consume
bottles upon bottles of beet, watercress, cucumber, romaine, and parsley juice.
Fresh Pressed makes a good tasting juice, I will admit; I just don’t want to drink
them. Did James Dean juice, did Picasso juice, did Jack Kerouac? No they didn’t
because juicing isn’t cool.

I realize that I love my coffee and a toasted bagel because that is cool. Good things
can happen after they have been consumed. You feel full, jittery even. You might go
skydiving, drive a cab, or play in a band. What happens on a cleanse? After drinking
my overpriced V8, I am home reading a book of short stories, I am doing research on
reptiles, I am 80 years old worrying about my bursitis. It’s killing me by the way.


I am nauseous, I wonder if all the “toxins” are suddenly coming out all at once. Are
the sour cream and onion potato chips I had in the eighth grade finally coming down
the pipeline? I really feel gross, I fear I am over-hydrated. There was this crazy
story that I read about a person running the Chicago marathon that actually died
from drinking too much water. No joke. Am I that person? Even the good tasting
almond milk is now a chore.

I am glad I did it, so I can say I did, but I don’t think juicing is for me.

First of all it’s too L.A.

Second of all it’s too much of a total chick thing. I am a chick, but not a total chick.

Lastly I really like to eat: cooking, chewing, crunching, and slurping -all of it.

I will say that the juices are very nutritious and one might swap out a meal or two
with a juice, but that is as far as I will go on this matter.

Did I end the cleanse and think, why don’t I just keep fasting like Ghandi?

No, no I did not.


The day after and final thoughts. I woke up on the next morning and strangely
broke the cleanse with juice. A client wanted me to try their juice from a nearby
store, so what the hell, against all odds I had some more.

Ultimately I got a wheat bagel with butter and a double latte, which was amazing, by
the way. The warm toasted bagel so chewy and delicious.

I did learn one thing, which is I am not hungry in the morning and I am not that
hungry at night. 11 am and 3:30 pm are the two times my stomach really growled
and I was especially pissed to be on the cleanse. So I think I will eat accordingly.
Also my skin looks super good. WATER: it’s a wonder.

Ultimately I would say give it a try, it’s only 3 days you big babies.


  1. says

    Susan, thanks for sharing. I don’t need to drink the juice to know it is awful :). I will continue on my path of chocolate, alcohol and online dating.

  2. Brandy Black says

    Your skin always looks good. You were born that way babe. I’m proud of you for sticking in there and am pretty sure I will never juice after watching you go through it. Great blog. You made me laugh as always :)

  3. Tosha says

    So funny! But I rolled my eyes about the skin part. Cuz yeah, your skin always looks so damn good!!

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