Are We Actually Capable?

By: Kerrie Olejarz

During our pregnancy we had people tell us that they would “help” us when we got home, that we would indeed need help.  I took this personally, as in “you are not carrying the baby so how can you care for it?”  Maybe taking it personally was my own insecurities and emotional challenges, but, regardless, I was quite fed up of being told we would most definitely need help.  I could understand these comments if we were expecting multiples, but we had a singleton pregnancy!  As we did it all on our own, with our simpleton minds and lack of uterine ability, in India we were proud and enjoyed every moment of it…then we came home. Despite the fact that we had spent four weeks alone in India and brought home a healthy and unscathed baby, we were still considered by some unable to do the task.  It was infuriating to me, and I know all new parents get unwanted advice, but for me, I waited and suffered 15 years, watching all my friends rear and raise perfectly healthy and normal children; therefore, I could do it.  The onslaught was like a machine gun, firing at full throttle.  It was emotionally exhausting, and to this day I am angry that I had been treated like a preteen mom who could not grasp the common sense of caring for a newborn.  Of course I have wonderful friends who I could lean on for advice, or to swap experiences with, and these are the friends that did not bombard me with advice -harsh “you must do this” advice.  The worst of it came from Mark’s side of the family, and at some point I assumed it was a cultural thing, and after many times addressing it and being ignored I threw in the towel.  I think in their minds they were doing it for the good of us and Cailyn, yet my emotionally damaged brain and heart were in complete and utter chaos.  How do you politely tell someone to stay the fuck out of your business when it comes to your child?  Thankfully this phase is over and we are on to a whole new phase, but this one is easier to deal with.  I think as new parents we should all have the right to do what we think is best for our baby, our child.  Before we had Cailyn, I never told people what to do with their children, and I would never bombard them with a flurry of “you are doing this wrong” crap!  If a parent chooses to discuss child raising issues with me, I feel this is an opportunity to have a civilized conversation and hopefully spitball some ideas and most importantly, walk away having learned something, or at least understanding where s/he is coming from.   I hope that our parenting skills have proven that we are indeed capable of doing this, despite having a faulty uterus.  I guess when baby number two comes along we will find out!  And to answer the title of this post; for DAMN sure we are!

Share

Comments

  1. says

    Kerrie one has nothing to do with the other. I know you are a terrific Mom and Mark a great dad. Glad you got to a place where the parents leave you alone.

  2. Lucylu says

    Kerrie I feel like yelling at people already, I had a baby 13.5 years ago and apparently I have no idea either because it was soooo long ago they tell me and with smirks on their face they can’t wait to see how we cope, warning us that we won’t cope at all!!!

  3. says

    Lucylu (Becky) : people are so insensitive, and why would they assume that you could not cope now! They have no idea how much we go through in our Indian journey and just how strong and capable we are!! Thanks for leaving a comment, really appreciate it!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe without commenting