By Lex Jacobson
Things are falling into place on the home front. We’ve signed a year lease to rent an apartment in a pretty cool part of town and we’ll be fully moved by the second weekend in July.
That second week of July is an important one for me. First, it feels as though all the important, stressful stuff will be over (moving, work events). But more importantly, July 10th marks our “safe” 12-week mark, which I’m hanging onto so tight. Through the entire process of trying to conceive, I found the two week waits between IUIs and pregnancy tests so hard, but these next three weeks feel like they’re going to be harder than all of my two-week-waits combined (and there were a lot of them!).
My most apparent pregnancy symptom is lack of symptoms, which people tell me I’m so lucky to have, but it’s terrifying. For the day or two that I was puking in the mornings, I finally felt like something was going right with this pregnancy, but with the lack of current symptoms, I’m left wondering why I don’t feel anything.
I’ve dealt with anxiety all of my life and I knew it wouldn’t get better during pregnancy. I’m trying to hold onto that feeling that I actually DO have that all is well and my baby is healthy. I also know the risks of mood disorders – and treating mood disorders – in pregnancy, and I’m not oblivious to the fact that my fetus may have heart issues, or low birth weight, or a cleft lip… and it’s hard to trust, but I do.
The baby WILL be healthy and I will be too. We have learned a lot about this process and have worked with some amazing doctors who are extremely knowledgeable. There is absolutely nothing I can do except breathe, breathe, breathe and remind myself that little fetuses are insanely resilient… and so am I.