Fifty Shades of Grey Sweatpants

By: Allison Norris

He’s awake. “Take off my diaper.” He’s so serious, ordering me around.
I submit.
Loose but comfy and falling off of my mini muffin top just enough to expose the new black hairs I haven’t had time to pluck just below my navel.  Maybe I’ll try to yank them out when I’m sneaking in a phone call with my mother.
“Sit down.  Get my juice.  Don’t look at me like that.”
I submit.
I do as I’m told in fear that my master will punish me with a nap protest.
He tells me my breath stinks and I know instantly it’s from too many cups of coffee.  If he hadn’t kept me up last night, kicking me in the back as we lay together in my bed, I wouldn’t be so tired.  No matter how many times I yelled our code words “KNOCK IT OFF” he wouldn’t stop.  I tossed and turned and waited until the sun came up a little more until I snuck out of my room to boil water for the french press.

It’s time for a shower.  I haven’t had one in a few days and I know that I’m starting to smell bad.  My muscles are sore and the idea of hot water and a little alone time is too enticing.  I undress quickly, sweatpants off, knowing that he won’t like the idea of me in there… alone.

Within seconds he’s standing there, jammies on the floor, “Upppeeee!”  He demands.
I submit.
“Water is in my eyes!  Towel!”
I submit.
I think I hear him coming.  He doesn’t like it when I’m on the computer, attention somewhere else.  Away from him.  I better go.
“MAMA PLAY WITH ME!”
I submit.