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Same Sex Marriage, Civil Unions And Domestic Partnerships (Article From The New York Times)

February 8th, 2010 The Next Family No comments

Artcile from The New York Times

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For over a decade, the issue of same-sex marriage has been a flashpoint political issue in the United States, setting off waves of competing legislation and ballot initiatives attempting either to legalize or ban the practice. Rifts have also opened among religious groups over the decision to recognize same-sex marriage or condemn it.

Proponents of same-sex marriage say that the institution is a unique expression of love and commitment and that calling the unions of same-sex couples anything else is a form of second-class citizenship; they also point out that many legal rights are tied to marriage. Those opposed to same-sex marriage agree that marriage is a fundamental bond with ancient roots. But they draw the opposite conclusion, saying that allowing same-sex couples to marry would undermine the institution of marriage itself.

Gay rights supporters felt the tide was turning in their favor for much of 2009. With President Barack Obama they felt they had an ally in the White House, and the movement was making remarkable progress in state legislatures, with lawmakers in Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire approving bills allowing gay marriage in 2009.

More on this article go to New York Times

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

January 27th, 2010 The Next Family 7 comments

By: Brandy Black

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I’m reading a book “Lesbian and Gay Parents and their Children” by Abbie Goldberg and it got me thinking about my passion for marriage or as some prefer to call it- commitment ceremony.  I will occasionally get into this debate with gay friends who don’t understand why it was so important for me to marry Susan.  At the time we had a ceremony, I didn’t even realize what it would mean to me.  Frankly, my mother talked me into it right after I “came out” to her.

The days leading up to my coming out were torturous and I was prepared for the absolute worst case scenario.  I was ready for my parents to be angry and hurt and quite possibly disown me.  I made myself sick night after night worrying about telling them the truth.  In my case it was the dishonesty and lies that were the worst of it all, because once I actually told my parents that I was in love with a woman, all of the baggage and pain I had been carrying around suddenly dissipated and I was able to love Susan to my fullest for the first time.

But in that conversation with my mom, me weeping and my mother accusing me of being homophobic as she couldn’t understand why I was the one so upset, she asked me if we were going to get married and have kids.  It had never occurred to me that this might be an option – this was 10 years ago when conversations about gay marriage were barely stirring in the media.   She then went on to explain to me the importance of committing to each other in front of friends and family.  “It’s not just for you but for the people around you who don’t understand the blurry lines of gay relationships, it’s a way to tell everyone that you are pledging to one another for the long haul.”

I thought about it a lot, what it would mean to “marry” Susan.  It seemed as if it was a dream come true, we were the renegades in my eyes, the naughty girls that were doing what we shouldn’t, even though it felt so right.  After talking to my mother, she disarmed me and made me realize we weren’t rebels, or bad girls, we were following our hearts and allowing ourselves the life that we deserved.  After getting “permission” to feel proud of my relationship from two of the people closest to me, I wanted a wedding more than ever.

Once we had the ceremony in front of 80 of our closest friends and family -when it wasn’t legal- life was different.  Something changed after we made those vows to each other.  We opened our hearts and let the other in, we were partners with a flood of trust and love for one another.  I can’t explain the meaning of it all but she shifted from my girlfriend to my life, I mean wife.

Now having gone through all that a wedding encompasses, a shower, a ceremony, registering and a honeymoon- it was all worth it.  The constant validation from all of the people in our lives was amazing.  We needed support, we wanted it and it came gushing our way. The speeches, the notes in our guest book, the tears that poured from our friends’ eyes as Susan and I walked through the sea of people to find each other, Susan standing beautifully before me in all her glory, my best friend becoming my wife.  That day was life changing.

So when people tell me that they are against marriage because of the fact that we are trying to “be like” heterosexual people- I say call it what you will but find a way to share your love publicly with your family because it will make all the difference in the world.

Why did Abbie’s book make me think to write this wordy blog…

“Qualitative research by Alderson (2004) provides evidence of some of the perceived effects of civil marriage among lesbians and gay men.  Alderson interviewed married lesbians and gay men in Canada and found that, for many participants, getting married created an added sense of security that was deeply felt and greatly appreciated.  Consistent with the findings of Solomon et al. (2005), Alderson also found that many participants felt that marriage brought greater depth and completion to their relationships, cementing them in both financial and emotional ways.  They also understood their marriage as symbolizing monogamy and as providing recognition for them as a family.”

This was true for me.

Children Speak For Same Sex Marriage- From The New York Times

January 21st, 2010 The Next Family No comments

From The New York Times – by: Sarah Wildman

 

Richard Perry/The New York Times

GOING PUBLIC Karen, Kasey and Marcye Nicholson-McFadden at the State House in New Jersey.

By SARAH WILDMAN
Published: January 20, 2010
LAST month, advocates and opponents of same-sex marriage packed the New Jersey State House in Trenton, supporters in blue, opponents in red. Near the end of the day, Kasey Nicholson-McFadden took the microphone. “It doesn’t bother me to tell kids my parents are gay,” he said in a clear voice. “It does bother me to say they aren’t married. It makes me feel that our family is less than their family.”

Matthew Holst for The New York Times

The BarbouRoske family in Iowa: Jen, Breeanna, Dawn and McKinley.

Readers’ Comments

Readers shared their thoughts on this article.

Kasey is 10 years old. When the New Jersey State Senate voted against same-sex marriage on Jan. 7, he was devastated. “We tried to buoy him and say, ‘It’s another step in the process and it’s not over yet,’ ” said Karen Nicholson-McFadden, one of Kasey’s mothers.

In fact, Garden State Equality, the New Jersey gay-rights organization that invited Kasey to speak, quickly told reporters they would pursue the issue through the judiciary system. It will be familiar territory for the Nicholson-McFaddens, who vow to press on — be it through rallies or lawsuits.

For as long as Kasey can remember, Marcye and Karen Nicholson-McFadden have been petitioning the State of New Jersey for the right to marry. So while much of Kasey’s free time is spent on typical preteen activities — in-line skating, swim team and soccer practice — some of it is spent appearing in advertising campaigns and events organized by Garden State Equality. So many of that organization’s 64,000 members have children that the group provides day care and activities for teenagers during its events.

In 2008 about 116,000 same-sex couples across the country were raising a total of about 250,000 children under age 18, according to an analysis of Census data by Gary J. Gates, a demographer of the gay and lesbian population at the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles, law school.

More on this article go to New York Times

Prop 8 Trial Updates

January 20th, 2010 The Next Family No comments

UTFTheron

If you are interested in following the trial for Prop 8, here are some great resources you can check out.

Prop 8 Trial Tracker

Unite the Fight

American Foundation For Equal Rights

Photography by: Unite the Fight

SF Economist Says Gay Marriage Ban Costs City- An Article from San Francisco CBS 5

January 14th, 2010 The Next Family No comments

JRepost – SAN FRANCISCO (CBS 5 / AP)

A state ban on gay marriage is costing the city of San Francisco millions of dollars a year in lost revenue and increased services, an economist testified Thursday in a lawsuit aimed at overturning the prohibition.

Chief city economist Edmund Egan said married people accumulate more wealth and have more to spend on property and consumer goods, which bolsters tax revenue.

He also said the city must spend more on health care for uninsured workers because same-sex couples are not always covered under their partner’s employee health care plans.

“It’s clear to me that Proposition 8 has a negative material impact on the city of San Francisco,” he said. “These are impacts that are hard to quantify, but over the long term they can be powerful.”

Egan testified during the fourth day of a federal trial on a lawsuit challenging Proposition 8, the ballot measure approved by statewide voters in 2008.

The city was allowed to join the suit to demonstrate that governments bear some of the costs of the ban.

Peter Patterson, a lawyer for Proposition 8 sponsors, challenged Egan’s methodology and had him acknowledge during cross-examination that he based many of his estimates on assumptions drawn from the spending habits of opposite-sex couples.

The case is being heard by Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn R. Walker, who said Thursday he was abandoning his push to have the trial broadcast on the Internet because he didn’t want the broadcast issue to distract from the trial itself. Walker disclosed the decision a day after the U.S. Supreme Court indefinitely blocked his plan to record the trial so it could be transmitted to other federal courthouses.

On the witness stand, Egan said San Francisco has seen higher mental health costs because of discrimination against gays and now spends $2.5 million a year on specialized services for them.

READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE

Groundbreaking Gay Marriage Trial Continues- Repost- CBS2.com

January 12th, 2010 The Next Family No comments

Repost from CBS2.com
San Francisco

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A Harvard professor testifying in a case challenging California’s gay marriage ban said Tuesday that procreation is historically not the only function of marriage.

In her second day of testimony, Nancy Cott, a U.S. history professor and the author of a book on marriage as a public institution, disputed a statement by a defense lawyer that states have a compelling interest to restrict marriage to heterosexual couples for the sake of procreation.

Cott said marriage also has served an economic purpose, with each spouse doing different jobs in the partnership. As the purposes of marriage have changed, the reasons to bar same-sex couples from marrying have gone away, she said.

“It seems to me that by excluding same-sex couples from the ability to marry and to engage in this institution, that society is actually denying itself another resource for stability and social growth,” she said.

Cott conceded under cross-examination that she couldn’t predict the consequences for society of same-sex marriage.

The lawsuit — brought by two same-sex couple unable to marry because of California’s Proposition 8 — is the first in a federal court to decide the constitutionality of state bans on gay marriage.

Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn R. Walker is presiding over the case without a jury.

More of this article at CBS2.com

A Boy And His Flag- why Will won’t pledge- An Article from the Arkansas Times

November 15th, 2009 The Next Family No comments

By: David Koon
pledge

Will Phillips isn’t like other boys his age.

For one thing, he’s smart. Scary smart. A student in the West Fork School District in Washington County, he skipped a grade this year, going directly from the third to the fifth. When his family goes for a drive, discussions are much more apt to be about Teddy Roosevelt and terraforming Mars than they are about Spongebob Squarepants and what’s playing on Radio Disney.

It was during one of those drives that the discussion turned to the pledge of allegiance and what it means. Laura Phillips is Will’s mother. “Yes, my son is 10,” she said. “But he’s probably more aware of the meaning of the pledge than a lot of adults. He’s not just doing it rote recitation. We raised him to be aware of what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s fair.”

Will’s family has a number of gay friends. In recent years, Laura Phillips said, they’ve been trying to be a straight ally to the gay community, going to the pride parades and standing up for the rights of their gay and lesbian neighbors. They’ve been especially dismayed by the effort to take away the rights of homosexuals – the right to marry, and the right to adopt. Given that, Will immediately saw a problem with the pledge of allegiance.

“I’ve always tried to analyze things because I want to be lawyer,” Will said. “I really don’t feel that there’s currently liberty and justice for all.”

After asking his parents whether it was against the law not to stand for the pledge, Will decided to do something. On Monday, Oct. 5, when the other kids in his class stood up to recite the pledge of allegiance, he remained sitting down. The class had a substitute teacher that week, a retired educator from the district, who knew Will’s mother and grandmother. Though the substitute tried to make him stand up, he respectfully refused. He did it again the next day, and the next day. Each day, the substitute got a little more cross with him. On Thursday, it finally came to a head. The teacher, Will said, told him that she knew his mother and grandmother, and they would want him to stand and say the pledge.

“She got a lot more angry and raised her voice and brought my mom and my grandma up,” Will said. “I was fuming and was too furious to really pay attention to what she was saying. After a few minutes, I said, ‘With all due respect, ma’am, you can go jump off a bridge.’ ”

Will was sent to the office, where he was given an assignment to look up information about the flag and what it represents. Meanwhile, the principal called his mother.

“She said we have to talk about Will, because he told a sub to jump off a bridge,” Laura Phillips said. “My first response was: Why? He’s not just going to say this because he doesn’t want to do his math work.”

Eventually, Phillips said, the principal told her that the altercation was over Will’s refusal to stand for the pledge of allegiance, and admitted that it was Will’s right not to stand. Given that, Laura Phillips asked the principal when they could expect an apology from the teacher. “She said, ‘Well I don’t think that’s necessary at this point,’ ” Phillips said.

After Phillips put a post on the instant-blogging site twitter.com about the incident, several of her friends got angry and alerted the news media. Meanwhile, Will Phillips still refuses to stand during the pledge of allegiance. Though many of his friends at school have told him they support his decision, those who don’t have been unkind, and louder.

“They [the kids who don't support him] are much more crazy, and out of control and vocal about it than supporters are.”

Given that his protest is over the rights of gays and lesbians, the taunts have taken a predictable bent. “In the lunchroom and in the hallway, they’ve been making comments and doing pranks, and calling me gay,” he said. “It’s always the same people, walking up and calling me a gaywad.”

Even so, Will said that he can’t foresee anything in the near future that will make him stand for the pledge. To help him deal with the peer pressure, his parents have printed off posts in his support on blogs and websites. “We’ve told him that people here might not support you, but we’ve shown him there are people all over that support you,” Phillips said. “It’s really frustrating to him that people are being so immature.”

At the end of our interview, I ask young Will a question that might be a civics test nightmare for your average 10-year-old. Will’s answer, though, is good enough — simple enough, true enough — to give me a little rush of goose pimples. What does being an American mean?

“Freedom of speech,” Will says, without even stopping to think. “The freedom to disagree. That’s what I think pretty much being an American represents.”

Somewhere, Thomas Jefferson smiles.

ARKANSAS TIMES

*The Next Family would like to interview Will Phillips. Any suggestions on how to contact him would be greatly appreciated.

In Battle Over Gay Marriage, Timing May Be Key

October 26th, 2009 The Next Family No comments

From The New York Times
By: Adam Liptak
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In a San Francisco courtroom two weeks ago, a prominent lawyer opposed to same-sex marriage made a concession that could mark a turning point in the legal wars over the purpose and meaning of marriage.

The lawyer, Charles J. Cooper, has studied the matter deeply, and his erudite briefs are steeped in history. He cannot have been blindsided by the question Judge Vaughn R. Walker asked him: What would be the harm of permitting gay men and lesbians to marry?

“Your honor, my answer is: I don’t know,” Mr. Cooper said. “I don’t know.”

A couple of hours later, Judge Walker denied Mr. Cooper’s motion to dismiss a lawsuit seeking to establish a constitutional right to same-sex marriage. The concession and the ruling that followed it have transformed a federal lawsuit that had been viewed with suspicion by many gay rights advocates into something with the scent of promise.

The suit, filed in May by Theodore B. Olson and David Boies, made the bold claim that California’s voters violated the federal Constitution last year when they overrode a decision of the state’s Supreme Court allowing same-sex marriages.

The suit was, gay rights advocates said then, the wrong claim in the wrong court in the wrong state at the wrong time. There was wariness about Mr. Olson, a former solicitor general in the Bush administration, and there was frustration about what some viewed as his meddling in a carefully plotted and methodical strategy focused on state-by-state litigation and lobbying.

Those objections are waning. The ship has sailed, said Kenji Yoshino, a law professor at New York University, and gay rights advocates “need to focus on getting it to the right destination.” He added that Judge Walker’s refusal to dismiss the case “was a major victory for Olson and Boies.”

In the courtroom, Mr. Cooper’s arguments seemed to fall of their own weight. The government should be allowed to favor opposite-sex marriages, Mr. Cooper said, in order “to channel naturally procreative sexual activity between men and women into stable, enduring unions.”

Judge Walker appeared puzzled. “The last marriage that I performed,” the judge said, “involved a groom who was 95, and the bride was 83. I did not demand that they prove that they intended to engage in procreative activity. Now, was I missing something?”

Mr. Cooper said no.

“And I might say it was a very happy relationship,” Judge Walker said.

“I rejoice to hear that,” Mr. Cooper responded, returning to his theme that only procreation matters.

Later in the argument, Mr. Olson added his own observation. “My mother was married three years ago,” he said. “And she, at the time, was 87 and married someone who was the same age.”

Still, it is one thing to persuade Judge Walker. The ultimate destination of Mr. Olson’s suit is the Supreme Court, and it is hardly clear that he will be able to convince five justices to see things his way. Andrew Koppelman, a law professor at Northwestern and the author of “Same Sex, Different States: When Same-Sex Marriages Cross State Lines,” said Mr. Olson would have trouble attracting votes from the current justices. Asked how many justices Mr. Olson could count on, Professor Koppelman said, “I have trouble getting to one.”

It is not obvious that even the more liberal justices will want a piece of this fight. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, for instance, has long said that Roe v. Wade, the 1973 decision that identified a constitutional right to abortion, went too far too fast and might have been counterproductive.

“The court bit off more than it could chew,” Justice Ginsburg said of the case in remarks at Princeton last year.

In a new book called “The Will of the People,” Barry Friedman, a law professor at New York University, argued that the Supreme Court was quite responsive to public opinion in constitutional cases.

When the court found no constitutional problem with a Georgia law that made homosexual sex a crime in Bowers v. Hardwick in 1986, two-thirds of Americans supported such laws. By 2003, when the court overruled Bowers and struck down a similar law in Lawrence v. Texas, public support had dropped to about a third.

This was, Professor Friedman wrote, “a screamingly evident case of the court’s running right along the tracks of public opinion.”

Mr. Olson’s problem, then, is that he may reach the Supreme Court too soon. Public support for same-sex marriage is gaining ground, particularly among younger people. But a majority of Americans remains opposed to the practice.

At the argument, Judge Walker seemed to share this concern. “Aren’t you just getting ahead of yourself by asserting this claim under the federal constitutional provisions?” the judge asked.

Mr. Olson responded by comparing his case to Loving v. Virginia, the 1967 Supreme Court decision that held bans on interracial marriage to be unconstitutional. But 34 states permitted interracial marriage when Loving was decided. Only six states permit same-sex marriages.

The Loving decision, moreover, came almost two decades after the California Supreme Court struck down a state law banning interracial marriage in 1948 in Perez v. Sharp. The California Supreme Court’s same-sex marriage decision is a little more than a year old, and it has been repudiated by the state’s voters.

At the argument in San Francisco, the two sides did agree on one point. “The name ‘marriage’ means a lot,” Mr. Cooper said. “It does have, by virtue of its ancient and venerable heritage, an imprimatur that is special.”

Judge Walker has scheduled a trial in the case for January. He wants to hear about the history and purpose of marriage and the consequences of allowing same-sex couples to marry. And he has hinted that he may allow the proceedings to be televised.

“We should buckle our seatbelts,” Professor Yoshino said. “A comprehensive vetting of the empirical issues by a judicial tribunal is welcome and long overdue. Walker’s trial bids fair to be a trial in an almost scientific sense of the word.”

NEW YORK TIMES

First Gay Couple On The Newlywed Game: George Takei & Brad Altman

October 14th, 2009 The Next Family No comments

Star Trek’s George Takei and Brad Altman—who married a year ago after dating for over two decades—won The Newlywed Game

The Respect Of Marriage Act

September 15th, 2009 The Next Family No comments

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Same-sex couples across the country are now getting married as a result of the great progress we are making, but these families are still facing discrimination from the federal government.

The Respect for Marriage Act was introduced in Congress in September 2009 to end that discrimination and ensure that marriages that are valid in the state where they are entered into are respected under federal law.

The Respect for Marriage Act will repeal the discriminatory 1996 ‘Defense of Marriage Act’ or DOMA which singles out legally married same-sex couples for unequal treatment under federal law. These valid marriages are now selectively denied more than 1,100 federal protections and responsibilities – including Social Security and immigration benefits – that otherwise apply to married couples.

Tell your leaders and friends to support the Respect for Marriage Act today! Click on this link below

“So-called ‘DOMA’ was a radical departure from the way federal government has treated married couples throughout most of American history. It makes more sense to respect marriages than to destabilize them. In America, we don’t have second-class citizens and we shouldn’t have second-class marriages either.”