A Different Road to Love

May 24, 2012 by  
Filed under Family, Joey Uva, Same Sex Parent

By: Joey Uva Enoch

 

I am finding as I get older that my life has become more complete. I am finding that those very difficult parts of my life that have brought me to where I am now have come with very valuable lessons.

One of the more difficult parts of my childhood was when my mother left when I was seven years old. I spent many years dealing with the emotions and hurt from that time. I wrote about that story almost two years ago and although it was very emotional to put to “paper”, it was very cathartic as well. Not that I didn’t work on it earlier in my life, because that was one thing I promised myself when I was a young adult in order that I could create the life I wanted. I spent a couple years in therapy working on myself and healing myself from the past.

One of the things I never planned on, like many things in life, was having Trevor become part of it. We have been together six years. We come from very different childhood upbringings. We have pushed each other both consciously and unconsciously to be closer to our families. Trevor has always pushed us to become closer to my mother and make more of an effort to find a better place in the here and now to grow from. Trevor knows my childhood story, he knows the past and realizes that it should remain there. I think the death of Trevor’s mom over ten years ago gives him the fight and drive to make this happen. I love him for that.

Something I did promise myself was that Grace would know her grandmother. I promised myself that I would look beyond the past in order that Grace could have that. I can honestly say this has not always been easy for me. I have had to remind myself many a time that Grace deserves her Grandmother; it’s not about me or my past relationship with my mother.

This past weekend we had planned a visit with my mom where she would come out on Friday night and stay the night with us. This would be her first time seeing our new house and staying the night with us here. Trevor drove out to pick up my mom after work; she doesn’t drive. I let Grace stay up a little later than normal so that her grandmother could see her and say goodnight before bed. Grace was excited and asked me several times how long it would be before Trevor would be home with Grandma.

On Saturday morning I got up early, made some coffee, and started cleaning the pool as my mom and Grace both slept in. My mom and Grace both woke up about this same time, Grace much later than normal for a Saturday. My mom grabbed a cup of coffee and sat outside on the patio with Grace. I was just finishing the pool and went in and made some breakfast. We all enjoyed a nice peaceful Saturday morning breakfast together outside. At lunch time we went out to grab a sandwich and headed to our local nursery to buy some plants and flowers for the yard. We drove my mom home early Saturday evening.

On Sunday, I was the first one up as normal. The house was quiet and I found myself missing my mom, wishing she was still here. I began to tear up. I have come to realize that in wanting something better for my daughter I have also created a better place in my heart for my mom, a place of real love.

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