Gay and Straight Couples More Monogamous Than in the Past

By: Shannon Ralph

A recent study published in the journal Family Process finds that couples in heterosexual, gay, and lesbian relationships are more monogamous today than they have been in the past. The study of more than 6,800 men and women in 1975 and 2000 finds that there is dramatically less extra-relational sexual behavior in 2000 than in 1975 for all couple types.

The percentage of heterosexual men who reported having sex with someone other than their wife dropped to 10% in 2000 from 28% in 1975; among married women, it declined to 14% from 23%. Among gay men, the percentage who cheated on a partner they lived with dropped to 59% from 83%; for lesbians it declined to 8% from 28%. Half the gays and lesbians in the study were in civil unions, half were living together in committed relationships, the researchers say.

The authors of the study speculate that the awareness of HIV/AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases has led couples to be more cautious and conservative about sex outside of their relationship. However, the researchers also feel that the findings can be in part attributed to greater acceptance of same-sex relationships.

Emily Hecht-McGowan of the non-profit Family Equity Council, which works toward equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender families, agrees. “As public opinion has shifted about gay people and the LGBT community overall, I think same-sex couples are more comfortable living openly in their communities and building families,” she says.

I love it when clinical research supports common sense. Of course societal acceptance strengthens same-sex relationships. Of course any relationship that is forced to be clandestine and hidden from society will suffer. Monogamy suffers. Families suffer. As same-sex couples find more societal acceptance, our relationships will have the freedom to thrive. And everyone, gay and straight alike, benefits from strong families.

Harvard Appoints Director of LGBT Life

By: Shannon Ralph

Harvard University has appointed a Director of Lesbian, Gay Bisexual and Transgender Life. Lisa “Lee” Forrest, currently the head of the GLBT and Allies Pride Center at Bridgewater State University in Massachusetts, will start her new position at Harvard in November.

The Harvard Crimson reports that the new position was created after a student group complained that there were not enough resources for GLBT students at the university. There will be new GLBT student space on campus with offices for Forrest and a graduate assistant.

Forrest said in a statement, “The new program will be a valuable resource for the campus community, and it represents a new chapter in Harvard’s history. I am eager to collaborate with Harvard’s outstanding students, faculty, and administrators who have paved the way with an impressive array of BGLTQ-related initiatives, and I look forward to working together toward a shared vision of social justice.”

This news excites me on a personal level. When my exquisitely brilliant children get into Harvard on full scholarships, as they most certainly will (this momma isn’t affording an Ivy League education any other way), I can rest assured that there is a program on campus that supports and affirms their family.

Go Crimson!

LGBT Elders Heading Back Into the Closet

By: Shannon Ralph

A new documentary by filmmaker Stu Maddux, entitled Gen Silent, takes a look at how elderly LGBT people —many of them gay right pioneers— are heading back into the closet. There are an estimated 2 to 7 million LGBT individuals over the age of 65 in the United States. In the film, LGBT Aging Project Director Lisa Krinsky reports that 50 percent of nursing home employees believe “that their colleagues would be intolerant of LGBT folks.”

LGBT elders are more likely to age alone. They often do not access adequate health care, affordable housing, or other social services that they need due to institutionalized heterosexism. Existing regulations and proposed policy changes in programs like Social Security or Medicare, which impact millions of LGBT elders, are discussed without an LGBT perspective engaging the debate. LGBT elders are oftentimes without children, some had poor relationships with their families of origin, partnerships often go unrecognized, and nursing homes often reject their LGBT peers. This often leaves LGBT elders with no support system whatsoever.

The stories portrayed in Gen Silent are both heartbreaking and enraging. Residents at religiously-affiliated nursing homes report instances of staff forcing residents to read the bible and pray for forgiveness. Gary Shepard, a director at LGBT retirement center Spectrum, says he remembers a gay woman who was given a “feminine makeover” by staff after becoming senile.

This is the generation that paved the way for myself and for all openly-LGBT people in this country. Because of them, I am able to live happily as an out lesbian partner and mother. Because of them, my partner and I are both the legal parents of all three of our children. Because of them, I have never in my life faced discrimination in the workplace. Because of them, I am able to talk openly with my children’s school about LGBT families and my partner is able to volunteer openly in their classrooms. These people are living history. Invaluable resources. And civil rights warriors. They deserve better than this.

Gen Silent will be showing at film festivals and special screenings from now through mid-November. If it’s not coming to a city near you, you can opt to be notified when it’s made available for online streaming sometime this fall.

Chaz Bono to Join the Cast of Dancing with the Stars

By: Shannon Ralph

Chaz Bono will be taking part in the newest season of Dancing with the Stars. The 42-year-old, who completed his transition from female to male earlier this year, will be the first transgender person featured on the primetime show and will be paired with a female professional dancer.

After the announcement, Bono told US Weekly: “I want people to know that transgender people are just like everyone else. We’re not people to be afraid of or misunderstood. I would love to get that message across.”

He went on to add, “I’m always serious. I’ve written three books, I lecture, it’s all serious stuff. But now I get to show that I’m a fun guy too!”

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation welcomed the news, saying, “At a time when transgender representation in the media is sorely lacking, Chaz Bono joining the cast of a series like Dancing with the Stars is a tremendous step forward for the public to recognize that transgender people are an important part of the fabric of American culture.”

This season of the show will also feature its first openly gay contestant—fashion guru and previous Queer Eye for the Straight Guy star, Carson Kressley.

Trial of Gay US Soldier Put on Hold

By: Shannon Ralph

The federal trial of of former Army Lieutenant Dan Choi has been put on hold. Choi, a former soldier who was dismissed two years ago after coming out on television, has been on trial in Washington DC on charges of failing to obey police orders after chaining himself to the White House fence last November to protest the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.

Yesterday, Magistrate Judge John M. Facciola put the trial on hold for ten days, citing that he believes Choi has shown he has been treated differently because he is gay.

The Iraq veteran’s lawyer, Robert Feldman, told the Associated Press earlier this week, “They want him to go away. He is the gay man who is finally attracting the attention.” Feldman went on to say yesterday that he believes his client has “effectively won the case”.

Choi could face up to six months in jail and a fine if convicted. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is due to be lifted at the end of this month, after a lengthy appeals process.

Nebraska Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Lesbian Mom

By: Shannon Ralph

On Friday, the Nebraska Supreme Court ruled that a woman involved in a twenty-year same-sex relationship has the right to seek custody and visitation rights for a child born to her now estranged partner. The case marks the first time the state court has weighed in on the issue of custody and visitation rights for same-sex couples with children.

Under state law, Teri Latham of Omaha could not adopt the boy born to her partner or claim legal standing as a parent because the state does not recognize same-sex unions. But the Supreme Court ruled Friday that she had the right to argue she had, in essence, become a parent through her parenting of a boy born to her partner, Susan Schwerdtfeger, in 2001.

Latham helped plan and finance the birth, helped choose a sperm donor, and helped raise the child until the couple separated in 2006. She was provided visits with the child for a year and half, when the boy’s biological mother cut off all ties.

The Surpreme Court ruling in Latham’s favor took into account the common law legal principle of in loco parentis in which a nonbiological or nonadoptive person —typically a stepparent or grandparent— can become a legal parent by assuming the obligations of a parent and through a relationship with a child. The court, in its ruling, noted that “a biological parent’s rights do not extend to erasing a relationship between her partner and her child which she voluntarily created and actively fostered simply because after the parties’ separation, she regretted having done so.”

Latham’s attorney, Tyler Block of Omaha, said, “They’ve applied age-old law to this particular situation. I think they’ve gotten it exactly right.”

Cyndi Lauper to Open New Residence for LGBT Youth In New York City

By: Shannon Ralph

Cyndi Lauper and her longtime manager, Lisa Barbaris, have revealed plans to open a safe haven residence for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth in New York City’s Central Harlem neighborhood.

The singer will open the doors of the True Colors Residence on Sept. 1st. True Colors Residence will be New York City’s first permanent housing facility with support services for 18-to-24-year-old LGBT youth with a history of homelessness. In addition to providing a brand new, modern building with studio apartments for each resident, the facility will offer a variety of social and educational support services for its resident youth.

“In New York City, a very disproportionate number (up to 40%) of homeless youth identify as LGBT,” Lauper wrote in a press release on the True Colors website. “Our primary goal is to provide a physically and emotionally safe and supportive environment that will empower our young residents to be the self-loving, happy, and successful individuals they were meant to be.”

Republican Lawmaker in Hot Water Over Gay Sex Scandal

By: Shannon Ralph

Yet again, an anti-gay Republican lawmaker is finding himself in hot water for soliciting gay sex. Yet again, he swears that he is not gay.

Ummm…yea. Okay.

This time around, the solicitor is Philip Hinkle, a state lawmaker representing Indiana’s 92nd District since 2000. Hinkle admits he met with 18-year-old Kameryn Gibson at a hotel in the hopes of having “a good time”. Reports of the encounter emerged two weeks ago, after Gibson had posted an advertisement on Craigslist looking for a “sugga daddy”. Mr Hinkle allegedly responded with offers “to make it worth your while” in cash. He also added, “I am an in shape married professional, 5’8″, fit 170 lbs, and love getting and staying naked.”

When the two men met at the JW Marriott hotel, Gibson claims to have changed his mind about the encounter, but says Hinkle tried to keep him from leaving, exposed himself and offered him $100 in cash, an iPad and a Blackberry to keep quiet. Gibson also claims that Hinkle’s wife offered him $10,000 to remain silent about the incident.

Despite the nature of the events, Hinkle is adamant that he is not gay, and can’t explain why he set up the meeting with Gibson. He claims that Gibson stole the cash and electronics from him. Hinkle has said that he will not seek re-election, but refuses to resign, despite House Speaker Brian Bosma’s call Tuesday to do so. He also claims he did nothing illegal with —or to— the young man and that he himself was the victim of a crime. But he said he would not file a police report.

Poor, poor, victimized, gay Mr. Hinkle.

Do Less, Not More, For Your Children

By: Shannon Ralph

Tom Hodgkinson, British parenting writer and philosopher, is the author of a new book entitled The Idle Parent. The book encourages parents to adopt a hands-off approach so that their children become more self-reliant and capable. Both experts and parents agree that children need unstructured play in order to harness their creativity, imagination, and sense of self. It is through creative play that children learn.

Why then do modern families, my own included, feel the need to program our children into oblivion? Music lessons, soccer, play groups, swim team, ballet, art classes. By the end of the day, when do children have the free time to simply be children? And when do we, as parents, have the free time to simply enjoy watching our children be children? It seems to me that we have become our own worst enemies.

Hodgkinson’s book encourages parents to think of the benefits of doing nothing for their kids. Hodgkinson says he tried to keep a favorite quote by revered English novelist D.H. Lawrence in mind when raising his own children, which is “leave the kids alone.”

“This means leave the child alone and they will become more self-reliant and more capable; do lots of things for them, ferry them around and put them in little outfits, then they get used to being mummied,” he says, “and become fairly useless.”

TIPS TO FREE UP THE FAMILY:

1. Eat together as a family in the evening. It promotes easy conversation about everyone’s day.

2. Limit your child’s activities to one or two per week —or whatever gives you the right balance as a family.

3. Check in with yourself to assess if your routine is making you stressed, and make sure you have enough time to give your children unstructured play.

4. Get creative. Leave a box of random household items in your child’s room and change the objects regularly, or leave random objects (an old hockey stick, a tennis racket or a ball) in the garden, or kitchen utensils in the sandbox to encourage creative play.

5. Turn off the TV or computer and send the kids outside instead.

6. Prioritize sleep (especially if you have younger children). All families are happier if the parents are feeling good.

7. Go camping. There will be no distractions and plenty of time, space, and inspiration for some good child’s play.

8. Don’t apply the same rules to all kids. They’re often very different.

9. Let your children choose the activities they want to do.

10. Don’t be afraid to say no to your child when it comes to activities, or tell them they need to compromise.

Is Maine Going to be the Next State to Approve Marriage Equality?

By: Shannon Ralph

After a successful fight for gay marriage in New York, which state is going to be the next to provide marriage equality to all of its citizens? Perhaps it is going to be the Pine Tree State (yes, I googled that) –Maine. To put gay marriage on the 2012 ballot in Maine, organizers need to collect 57,277 voters’ signatures by Jan. 30. The bill would first go to the legislature, which would have the option to pass it.

During the first full day of petition-gathering around the state on Sunday, Equality Maine reports that supporters gathered 5,200 signatures. If they continue at that rate, the needed signature total should be a piece of cake.

“We’re finding that Mainers are changing their minds on this issue—and that’s going to continue through November of 2012,” said Betsy Smith, executive director for Equality Maine.

Maine’s marriage equality law, previously passed by the state’s legislature and signed by the former governor, was overturned in a ballot referendum in 2010 after anti-gay opposition groups won that vote by 52.8 percent. Tides are turning, however. Marriage equality is gaining momentum.

Go Maine!

« Previous Page — Next Page »