Interracial Marriage on the Rise

By: Amy Wise

A report just came out from the PEW Research Center on Interracial Marriage. Much of the media reported on the study. Our family was part of the story in USA Today and the L.A. Times.

After being together for 20 years and married for 19, we don’t think of each other as an interracial couple…we are a couple.

In the end, we are not made up of colors, we are just us.♥ I’m thankful and honored that our family is part of the story bringing about awareness and change. It is imperative to open minds so one day this will no longer need to be a story.

Check out some of the articles about the rise of interracial marriage with our family featured:

USA Today~
Our family picture representing the USA Today article about the PEW report. (2/16/2012)

L.A. Times~
Article in L.A. Times about the PEW report with a brief interview from me. (2/16/2012)

USA Today~
Our family featured in USA Today article about the rise of interracial marriage. (11/8/2011)

The Luckiest Girl in the World

By: Amy Wise

She came home, all wrapped in pink, to a house that was filled with love.

Her childhood had many faces and many places, and friends from all around.

She kept old friends and made new friends, and was always ready for more.

There were times when change wasn’t so easy for her, and she gave you lots of grief.

You never stopped loving her, you never stopped believing in her

and even when you wanted to, you never gave up on her.

She finally grew out of it, and became more mature, and thankfully lessons were learned.

She went off to college, and traveled the world, because you gave her wings to fly.

She loved and she lost, you stood by her side, while she picked up the pieces of her life.

She became her own woman, she loved again, this time it was for keeps.

There were smiles all around as she started a family, a new little girl of her own.

Her family grew up, right before her eyes, and then she continued to grow.

She went on, to follow her dreams of making it on her own.

Then her dream was destroyed, and once again, you were there to help her through the storm.

The storm is still raging, but she is not, for a new dream has now been born.

She is stronger than ever, no matter the hurdles, because she knows she’s never alone.

Who was that baby wrapped in a blanket so many years ago?

That baby was me, and all I can say is I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

An Unlikely Pair and the Ruby Ring….

By: Amy Wise

15 years ago Jamie and I made a decision that would change our lives forever. We moved from the city of San Diego to the burbs of San Diego. It was time for us to go from home renters to homeowners. We did our research, looked for nice neighborhoods with good schools and lots of parks and outdoor areas. We found a brand new community in the Southbay and decided to check it out. Once we rounded the corner into this beautiful new neighborhood, I immediately felt this was going to be our home. Jamie however wasn’t so sure. After looking at many houses on various streets we came across the house. The minute we walked through the front door I just knew this was the house where Tatiana would grow up. We looked from room to room and then went to the backyard to check out the possibilities of what was then a blank slate.

Suddenly a head popped up over the fence and said, “Are you two buying this house?” I swear it was a scene out of the old TV show, Home Improvement. It was as if Mr. Wilson lived next door! Shortly thereafter we found out it wasn’t Mr. Wilson after all, it was Mr. Jim. Mr. Jim and his wife Miss Corinne (as we affectionately call them) would soon become our new neighbors because we ended up buying the house! It was 1997 and Tatiana was 2 years old.

Mr. Jim and Jamie became fast friends. At the time Jim was in his 70′s and Jamie was in his 30′s. They were quite the pair. They gave each other grief like father and son and very quickly considered each other just that. It was an unlikely pairing of two of the most opposite people on the planet…but it worked. Kind of like us!

One of the things the two of them always joked about was Jim’s ruby ring. Jamie always called it his pimp ring. Jim always said he was going to give it to Jamie when he died. It was in jest but it always freaked me out when they talked about it. I could go on and on about the bantering back and forth that Mr. Jim and Jamie did over the years. It was a strange love, but it was theirs.

Sadly, we lost Mr. Jim quite a few years ago and that was truly one of the saddest days we can remember. We were all devastated but Jamie was heartbroken. It was as if he had lost his own dad.

Jim’s relatives flew in from New Orleans for the memorial service and as we were all sitting in Miss Corinne’s dining room she came downstairs with a box. She handed it to Jamie and told him that Jim thought of him as a son and always wanted him to have his ring. There was not a dry eye in the house. Jamie now wears Mr. Jim’s ring every single day. If it’s not on his finger because of work, it’s around his neck on a chain…always close to his heart.

Little did we know, 15 long years ago, that not only would we raise Tatiana in our wonderful home, but we would also have a built-in California family right next door. Mr. Jim is now our angel in heaven and Miss Corinne is our angel on earth, otherwise known as our Cali Mom. How lucky are we?!

An Interview with Amy Wise

Interview with Amy Wise by The Next Family

The Next Family continues its series on writer interviews with the always positive, full of love, Amy Wise. Please visit the comments section to ask Amy more.

TNF: How has it been blogging for TNF?

I truly enjoy writing for The Next Family. I LOVE the diversity! From the writers to the topics…it is a wonderful blend of today’s world. Everyone that writes for them and is involved with the site are just wonderful, talented people. I’m honored to be a writer for such an important modern family web site.

TNF: How is your family like every other family and how is it different?

It’s funny you ask this question because the very first blog I wrote for TNF was about just that. I asked the question, “Are we an interracial family or just a family?” The answer is: we are a family just like everyone else. The ONLY difference happens to be our skin colors. We play, work, laugh, cry, learn, grow, live, and love. We are a normal family that is looked at differently because of our outer appearances, when all that really matters is what’s on the inside. Our “insides” are filled with huge hearts. People just need to take the time to get to know us so they can “see” those hearts.

TNF: Did your family accept you and your lifestyle? If yes, explain and if not explain what you have done to help them to accept your decisions and your lifestyle.

My husband’s family did not accept me at all. Even after we were married and had our daughter I was still an “issue.” It took years of getting to know each other before all the negative feelings went away. They finally saw beyond my skin color and into my heart and realized there was nothing to dislike. We now love each other completely. My family, on the other hand, accepted Jamie right away. They said, “As long as he makes you happy and treats you right, that is all that matters to us.” They did have concerns with how society would treat their interracial grandchildren. They said it would break their hearts if someone had racist attitudes towards their grandchildren. Racism is something that we have dealt with as circumstances arise because unfortunately society has a long way to go. Thankfully we no longer have family conflict…society is next.

TNF: How do you juggle the work at home with your jobs?

I work full time as a writer and my “office” is my home. I am currently working on multiple books and projects that require a lot of thought and a clear mind. I have to be very disciplined when it comes to my time. It’s so easy to get distracted. I have an old fashioned organizer where I list my writing deadlines, projects, chores, errands, appointments, etc. I make sure that each day is a balance of the “to do’s”. I’m realistic about my time and split it between writing, family, house, friends, and me. It has taken years to prioritize but I finally have a balance that gives me peace and allows me time to get it ALL done!

TNF: What lessons do you feel are the most important to teach children in this day and age? Are there any lessons they, or perhaps we as parents should unlearn?

Believe in yourself. Be your own champion. When it comes to YOUR dreams and your life choices, don’t follow society, don’t follow your friends, don’t follow your parents, don’t follow the media, don’t follow the money…DO follow YOUR heart! The path you choose is the life you lead. Choose wisely. There are some parents that need to “unlearn” the teaching of hateful beliefs. I’ve said this a million times: Nobody is born a bigot. Racism is taught. Let’s stop teaching it. If every child born today were taught to treat everyone equal, there would be no racism, no hate, no homophobia, no bullying, only love. Wouldn’t that be amazing?!

TNF: Any words of wisdom to pass on to our readers?

The one thing that I tell everyone is, no matter what life throws at you, always follow your dreams. Work patiently towards them and suddenly, one day, you’ll wake up and find they aren’t dreams anymore…they’ve actually come true!If you fall, don’t try and get up by yourself, reach for someone’s hand. Then do the same for someone else when you’re standing tall. Lead by example. Live your best life. Love your spouse. Hug your child. Help your neighbor. Inspire the next generation.

TNF: Anything you want our readers to know about you or your family?

Our family has been through trials and tribulations that would make your head spin. However, through it all we continue to be there for each other and have become even stronger because of it. We listen to each other, we respect each other, and we love each other. Tatiana graduated a year early from high school so we are now enjoying the time with her before she heads off to college next summer to major in dance. She is working part time and continuing with her dance classes. Our family is shifting as we watch her get ready to transition to campus. It’s an exciting time for all of us. I’m thrilled to be working from home so I can enjoy every last minute she is here. Jamie works five minutes from home so he is always close by even when he is at work. The three of us have learned so much about each other during this time. I’m so thankful. I look forward to what lies ahead for Tatiana in college and for us as a couple. What an adventure it continues to be for all of us. My family means the world to me…I treasure them!

Thank you Amy. Your love for your family and for the world in general is an inspiration! And your family is gorgeous!

Pirate Play

By: Amy Wise

Us in Sunriver, Oregon

Tatiana and Me in Sunriver, OR

Happy New Year everyone! As you can see I took a little break from writing over the holidays. The fam and I took a vacation and spent some much needed time away in Sunriver, Oregon with 27 of my relatives. Every four years we ALL meet in Sunriver for a fun-filled Christmas celebration. Our group included my parents, aunts, uncles, brother, sister, nieces, nephews, cousins, children, girlfriends, and boyfriends! We had four lovely cabins on the same street which enabled us to go back and forth for meals, movies, games, and fun! My parents’ cabin even had a Christmas tree, so of course we had Christmas dinner there for the full holiday effect.

I have been going to Sunriver with my family since I was in 4th grade. Without doing the math, let’s just say that’s a VERY long time! I love that I’m now sharing a piece of my childhood with Jamie and Tatiana. Besides going every four years with everyone for Christmas, we try and go off and on with my parents and siblings in the summer or fall just for fun.

This particular visit had an unusual twist to the activities. “Unusual” is an understatement. My Uncle Joey, who I just love, brought his girlfriend with him this year. They make a perfect couple, as they are both a bit eccentric. I LOVE that about them because I can totally relate! They met in the theater in their small town in Washington. Joey was performing and Carol was part of the “crew”. Being the creative people that they are you never know what you are going to get. This time what we got was…drum roll please….a pirate play! Yes, that’s right: a pirate play.

Carol wrote a play five years ago and thought it would be fun if the family could actually act it out together with costumes and all! She brought two suitcases full of amazing costumes and accessories, along with scripts for everyone. She went around to each of us and asked who wanted to participate in the play and who wanted to be audience members. I had EVERY intention of being an audience member until she looked at me and said, “I’m counting on you to participate.” Well, for some reason I just couldn’t say no! I think it was the look in her eyes. Jamie, on the other hand, had no problem saying no! He thought it was HILARIOUS that we were actually doing a pirate play! His exact words: “white people” (followed by lots of laughter)!

Me…as Bella the Fortune Teller in the Pirate Play

Uncle Joey and Girlfriend Carol

Needless to say we ALL got a kick out of the play and had a blast doing it. The audience members couldn’t believe what they were seeing, and all of us will probably talk about this particular Christmas festivity for years to come! Jamie is still cracking up to this day.

Jamie as an audience member; Me as a play participant.

Next year we are spending the holidays with Jamie’s family and I can guarantee there will not be any pirate plays! Hmmm…maybe I should suggest it?

Hate Free Zone…

By: Amy Wise

Those of you that know me, know I’m a VERY positive person. Lately, however I’ve been a little disheartened by all the negative stories directed at specific groups or religions. From the minister and church in Kentucky that refused membership to interracial couples, to Lowe’s Home Improvement pulling their ads from All American Muslim, to parents throwing their gay children out on the streets, to the hateful comments regarding the interracial article our family was featured in, in USA Today. There’s so many more but I think you get the picture. Each one has a running theme…ignorance and hate based on the unknown.

The minister and church denying interracial couples membership? I’m speechless. Did we just go back in time? A church teaching hate? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Or are they just morons? Sorry, I normally don’t say that about people but in this instance I couldn’t resist. I wish the minister and members could spend one week with us so they could see that we are just a family full of love…nothing more, nothing less.

Lowe’s Home Improvement removing ads from All American Muslim because a small Christian group complained? Since when does one religion have a say over the other? C’mon Lowe’s…have you ever seen the show? The entire point is to open minds and erase assumptions. You just threw that out the window in an instant! Are we living in the dark ages or America? Shame on you, Lowe’s.

Parents throwing gay children away like trash? How is this possible? How does a parent stop loving their child because they can’t accept their partner? The heart can’t help who it falls in love with. Love’s funny like that. Trust me, I know.

The hateful comments on USA Today because we are an interracial family? Really? I had to stop reading because the horrible words made my stomach turn. How can someone hate us if they don’t even know us?

Why are we hating instead of loving? Why are we erasing instead of embracing? This is supposed to be the season of peace and love no matter what the religion. How can one hate what they don’t even know? That is called ignorance.

Does it matter if I’m Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Buddhist? Does it matter if I’m black, white, brown, or green? Does it matter if I’m gay, straight, or go both ways? No, it doesn’t. What matters is…if I have a heart, if I’m kind, if I’m giving, and if I’m loving.

The irony in all of this is, religion is supposed to teach love. What is happening here? Why is it okay to love some and hate others? It’s not. I can guarantee that whether someone worships in a church, temple, mosque, or home, there is NO religion that says it’s okay to hate. Only people do. No matter the race, religion, or sexual orientation….open hearts and open minds don’t discriminate.

I’m Christian, I’m straight, and I refuse to hate!

Comedy in a Casserole

By: Amy Wise

Flashback to Thanksgiving 1993…Jamie and I had been husband and wife for just a few months and we were going to our first “married Thanksgiving” at his sister’s house. His sister asked me to bring a dish to share with everyone and I was so excited to be contributing to the Thanksgiving dinner. I was a little nervous because it was our first holiday as a married couple with his family. I decided to bring the staple dish that I had grown up with…green bean casserole with french onions on top. You all know it, you all love it, you’ve all had it…right?

Well, we got to his sister’s house and I proudly walked in with my green bean casserole. I set it on the table, took off the foil, and waited for everyone to dig in. After we said a prayer everyone started to dish up all their food from the table…everything but my casserole that is. So I thought, hmm, why is nobody eating my green bean casserole? This is a favorite at my house…what’s up? I was starting to get a little hurt as everyone dished up and walked right by my beans. Whatever…I proudly filled my plate and ate those beans up! However, I was literally the only one! Apparently black folk don’t like green bean casserole.

The funny thing is after that holiday meal, I was given the task of bringing the rolls and the soda going forward. Yes, you heard me…rolls and soda…pretty impossible to screw up right? My green bean casserole has been the holiday funny ever since. Good thing I have a good sense of humor! At first it really did hurt my feelings, but now I can actually look back and laugh. This was one more thing to adjust to in a mixed marriage….getting used to each other’s traditions big and small. As time went on I graduated to making complete meals for Jamie’s family…um, minus the green bean casserole!

The hilarity continued this year when my sister-in-law Niki called to let me know that the green bean casserole commercials had started and she couldn’t wait to make it. I laughed! It truly is the running joke even after all these years. By the way, a little aside, Niki is white like me. The silliness continued on Thanksgiving day while talking to my mom. She said, while giggling, ”Be sure to tell Jamie that Aunt Sal is cooking green bean casserole today.” Then minutes after that phone call, Jamie’s longtime friend Calvin, otherwise known as “T”, called to wish us a happy Thanksgiving. Jamie and T were comparing menus and T listed green bean casserole as one of the dishes he and his wife were making for dinner. Jamie quickly said, “Oh hell no!” and just started laughing! He then proceeded to share the infamous green bean casserole story with T. Another little funny, T just so happens to be black and his wife is white. Do you see a pattern here? I have yet to talk to an all black family that serves the infamous casserole.

Through the years the green bean casserole jokes have become another fun tradition that we all share as we continue to embrace the differences between our two very opposite families. Who knew that each year we would literally have comedy in a casserole!? It’s a perfect analogy for us.

USA Today Comments

By: Amy Wise

Last week our family had the honor of being featured in USA Today.  I was interviewed for the piece and then a photographer came out and did a photo shoot of our family.  We had such a great time with the photographer; he actually ended up joining us for a little dinner after we were done taking pictures.  The article came out a couple of weeks after the interview and it was such a thrill to have our family be the face of interracial marriage in USA Today.  It truly touched me because so much of my writing is about this very subject.

I have been writing about interracial marriage for years now and the one thing that I have never had to deal with when it comes to writing about our family, whether on my blog or on guest sites, are racist comments.  Even if there has been a difference of opinion, the comments have always been very respectful. When the article came out in USA Today I was saddened to see so many racist and hateful comments in the comment section.  Thankfully there were many more positive comments than negative ones, but it saddened me nonetheless. Because USA Today reaches so many people I should not have been surprised, but I was.  I’m not going to go into specifics about what was said and luckily the paper pulled the really horrible comments, but it still shocks me to see how closed-minded and ignorant people can be when it comes to race in America in 2011.  I actually had to stop reading the comments because they made my stomach turn.  They also made me realize how much work we still need to do when it comes to educating people about race and interracial relationships.

The one thing that I want people who don’t seem to understand or approve of our family to know, is that we are truly no different than any other family out there today.  I don’t wake up in the morning and look at my husband and think, “I’m so in love with my black husband“; he’s just my husband.  I don’t look at my daughter and think, “My biracial daughter is my heart and soul”; she’s just my daughter.  Yes my husband is black, yes I’m white, and yes our daughter is biracial…those are the facts, but the truth of the matter is, we are three people who make up a family filled with love.  It really is that simple.  I didn’t steal a black man from the hood, Jamie didn’t set out to meet a white woman, and we didn’t say let’s have a mixed child.  We married each other because we fell in love and we had a child because we wanted a family.  Color has never had anything to do with our choices when it comes to our relationship and family. Color only comes into play when society continues to make an issue of it.  We are about love and love only.  Isn’t that why anyone gets married and starts a family?

I’ve said it before and I will say it again.  Tatiana gets the best of both worlds. We embrace my culture and we embrace Jamie’s culture.  She gets double the fun, double the food, double the history, double everything!  Talk about an open mind.  America is all about people who originally came from some place else.  Our country is really just one big melting pot of the world, so trying to be around one race and one race only is quite unrealistic.  I feel sorry for people who aren’t open to other races, cultures, and backgrounds.  They are truly missing out on so many wonderful experiences.  It’s quite sad.

So in the end, to those who had such negative things to say about our family: all I can say is, my heart breaks for the hate that you carry.  I hope that you can one day realize we are just a family that happens to have multiple shades of skin colors and lots and LOTS of LOVE!

Thank you USA Today for such a wonderful experience!

Shame on You

By: Amy Wise

Life, it’s pretty much a rollercoaster ride for all of us at some point.  My particular roller-coaster needs to be named, and I think I will call it infinity, because truly, it never seems to end.  As you all know we are STILL dealing with the lawsuit against the Otay Water Department, Eastlake Development, et al. Yes, still.  I know…four and a half years later and it continues to go on!  Even though we won in a jury trial over seven months ago, here we are today dealing with appeals, cross complaints, cross lawsuits and a big fat MESS, otherwise known as our “justice” system.

Not only are we still being bullied by the big guys, I mean, Otay Water and Eastlake Development, but now more bullies want to join in on the fun.  Wells Fargo Bank, who carries the loan on our long ago closed store, decided that they weren’t making enough money off the rest of the world, so not only did they sue us a couple of years ago for a loan on our store that was destroyed by Otay Water’s negligence, but now they have put liens against my home and my business partner’s home because the lawsuit continues to take too long. Yes, you heard me. First they sued us for the loan and then they said to themselves, “Hmm, since we haven’t gotten the money from these people yet and even though we know they are still in the middle of a lawsuit, let’s put liens on their homes and crush the victims even more.”  Okay, they might not have said those exact words, but it sure feels like it!  I even wrote to the CEO of Wells Fargo back when they first sued us and explained the entire lawsuit.  I told him we had every intention of paying our loan when this was over and by no means were we trying to get out of our responsibilities.  They just needed to wait in line with everyone else until the suit was over.  The well is dry and the turnip has no blood left.  I guess the CEO needed some fast cash, because he didn’t want to hear it.  The response back was from his attorney to my attorney.  Instead of having the human decency to contact me, he had his attorney do his dirty work.  How sad, how typical, how expected.  I was hoping for more.  I was hoping for change.  Alas, the banks continue on with their greed even when the victim is being victimized.  Pitiful and just plain wrong!

There is no job title, position, or amount of money that makes it okay to destroy people’s lives.  I hope one day that companies find compassion, and people stop doing what they are told, and instead start doing what is right. Shame on you- Otay Water, Eastlake Development, and Wells Fargo- for losing your souls to the system.  Will it be worth it in the end?  I wonder?

In the meantime, while we continue to fight the good fight, I refuse to let any of them get in the way of my dreams.  My husband told me that he married me because I’m one of the strongest women he knows.  So, that being said, I’m going to continue to grow stronger every day no matter how many hurdles continue to get thrown my way.

I am proud to say, not only am I writing my book, This is Me….Coming Out of the Darkness, while also working on a movie based on the same book, (thank you my dear friend Amy Ferris for the director introduction), I’m also writing for the Shame Prom anthology AND I just signed a book contract to write the book; Divorce, Dance, or Dare. It doesn’t end there.  Recently I was asked to be a partner….yes, a partner, in an amazing new company called Decision Point. This is going to be a company that helps people during the biggest decision points of their lives.  It’s what I live and breathe for.  It’s going to be incredible and life changing for so many, and I’m honored to be a part of it!

I’m pinching myself at how even during the darkest of times- with faith, family, friends, support and LOTS of hard work- dreams not only come true again, but they can be even more fantastic the second time around!

“Oh You’re Together?”

By:  Amy Wise

It’s funny, when my husband and I are together, whether in a restaurant, standing in line somewhere, even at a hospital, people aren’t quite sure if we are a couple.  A while back I was in the emergency room (that’s another crazy story for another day) and we were waiting for the doctor.  When he finally came in and introduced himself, he shook my hand and then looked at Jamie, shook his hand and said, “You are?”…….long pause…….I finally finished his sentence and said, “Husband.”  He said, “Oh, well, you just never know these days.”  Yeah right!  We all know that if Jamie had been white the doctor would have automatically assumed he was my husband, but since he was black he just didn’t go there.  Funny don’t you think?  I’m so used to it at this point it hardly even gets to me… well, maybe just a little.  The same thing happens to us in restaurants when we are waiting for a table.  Unless we are holding hands or wrapped around each other, which we try not to do in public, it’s always, “Oh, you’re together?”  Really?  Are “we” such a shock?  This is southern California for goodness sake and last I checked it is 2011.  Isn’t it?

One of the more comical “Oh, you’re together moments?” was when I was having surgery years ago.  I woke up post-surgery and  asked for my husband.  I wanted him by my side, AND he also had my glasses so I couldn’t see a darn thing!  No contact lenses allowed during surgery.  I was blind as a bat!  The nurse said she checked the family waiting room and he wasn’t there.  I knew he was, because he would make sure he was there when I woke up.  That is just the kind of guy he is.  I asked her to check again.  She did, and she then went on to describe who was in the room and once again she was determined that he was not there.  Well, guess what Nurse Ratchet (I only say that because she got irritated with me), the black man you just described in the waiting room is my husband!  She didn’t even ask him if he was with me.  Imagine?  I kindly told her the big black man was my husband and after turning a few shades of red, she went back to the waiting room one last time, but this time she brought my hubby back with her.  I finally had him back by my side AND I could see again!  Hopefully, the nurse’s vision became just a little clearer that day too.

Hopefully.

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