It Is Not Always Good News . . .

Last week was a rough one on the surrogate front. Everything is fine for me, no worries, but I can’t say the same for a few other ladies. I can’t talk about the specifics in two cases as no final decisions have been made, but my heart goes out to the IPs and surrogates who are struggling with a usually carefree time.

One surrogate in my California Surrogate Group went in for her 39-week checkup to find no heart beat. Later it was determined that the umbilical cord wrapped around the baby’s neck. Later, she delivered the beautiful little girl and shared a picture of the IM and the baby . . . a picture of their hands with matching bracelets. A perfect little hand. I could not even imagine what the surrogate or the intended mother and father must be going through. My thoughts go out to all of them.

A Lot of Excitement in New Delhi!

Hauz Khaus market area was beautiful, lush, green and quiet. We enjoyed our time there; we ate bagels and cream cheese and peeked in the beautiful vintage shops. We were not there to shop, just enjoy the day as a family. The outside of the market area contained the tombs of a ruler from the 1300’s, and these were a beautiful sight, so rich in history. On the weekend we headed to Select Citywalk Mall. This is a ginormous western style mall with high end stores like Rayban, Mac Cosmetics and Crocs. Mark was desperate for a hair cut, and decided to avoid the barbers at the side of the road with rusty razors and try out a proper salon at the mall. He ended up with a great haircut for less than six bucks! We cruised the mall and had some coffee, enjoying the air-conditioning and keeping busy. Monday we were booked to have family photos taken at Lodi Gardens, but, being that it was monsoon season, we ended up postponing until Tuesday with hopes the skies would clear. Since it was raining on Monday, we decided to grab a rickshaw and head to McDonalds for breakfast. It was barely raining and was quite fun to strap Cailyn into the Blue Celery sling and boot out for breakfast. McDonalds in India is very similar to what we know in North America. The obvious difference is the absence of beef, and all beef is replaced by chicken or a vegetarian alternative. We had the pancake breakfast and Egg McMuffins, coffee and juice. The cost for breakfast was nominal, and the end result is the food tasted the same, and sadly, settled into our bellies the same as it would at home! We spent the rest of the day at the BnB, enjoying our baby girl and relaxing. That evening we spent some time with Rahul from Western Taxi Services. He was in the process of creating a business website and wanted our help to ensure his English wording was understandable. Rahul stayed a short time and then it was time for wine! Our Irish neighbours brought their baby boy out to the living room and we cracked open a bottle of Australian wine and enjoyed the babies and the company. This continues to be a very fond memory of ours, spending time with this family, and enjoying conversation. We checked the weather and it looked like Tuesday would pan out nicely for out photo shoot. We were super excited to do this and had bought Cailyn a very adorable dress at Monnalisa in the mall. After the wine I pulled out my sewing kit and shortened the little shoulder straps on the dress so that it fit Cailyn perfectly for our pictures. Since this was Labour Day at home, we were able to have some Skype time with friends and family to catch up on all that had been going on both in India and at home. Tuesday we awoke to a nice day and firmed up with our photographer that we were still on and set our meet time for around 10:00am. Rahul’s driver got us to the correct entrance gate at Lodi Gardens and met up with Tim the photographer. As we entered the park we were taken aback at how beautiful it was, how lush and green and the historic tombs and monuments standing tall in historic glory. We ended up taking most of our pictures with the monuments in the back ground. It was so muggy that day, I would think the humidity was at 90%! It was a task to hold Cailyn and pose for the pictures as we were all very dewy and sweaty from the humidity and heat. Tim was so great to work with, he was patient with us as we juggled a sweaty baby, and also aware that we were limited for time due to having a baby out in this heat. We ended up getting a good 50 pictures in the gardens and then Tim suggested that we head back to his home to do some individual shots of Cailyn. At Tim’s house we had such a wonderful time watching our very alert little girl pose for pictures. In between some shots we gave her a feed and a diaper change and eventually she was just tuckered out and needed her sleep. As we departed for the day it started to rain, which made for a lengthy car ride back to the bed and breakfast. When we finally made it back we received a call from the Canadian High Commission asking for some further detail on Mark’s employment. We were optimistic that we would get Cailyn’s passport on Thursday morning as we had an appointment scheduled with one of the Indian government offices. Later in the evening, Tim sent us a few samples of the day’s pictures and we were more than impressed. We now had four beautiful pictures to share on our blog and with family. Baby Cailyn looked so gorgeous in the pictures and they just melted our hearts. Wednesday morning we awoke to the awful news that there had been a terrorist attack in New Delhi, outside the Delhi High Court. All the TV channels were engaged in the activity with speculation of what had happened and who was responsible. We were fortunate that we were about twenty minutes away from this location, but it still was unnerving to know this had happened so close to our current home. We immediately contacted everyone at home to let them know we were ok and not affected at all by this attack. It was surreal to be in New Delhi as this played out. It certainly put a small reminder in our heads that despite as comfortable as we felt, we should hike up our awareness when out and about, especially at the local markets and larger shopping complexes. As if this day was not anxiety-ridden enough, late in the evening we had an earthquake! All of us at the bed and breakfast immediately jumped out of bed and rushed into the common area. Hariz the cook went outside to look around and we all assumed it was an earthquake, and sure enough, by the time we returned to our rooms it was all over the news, that New Delhi had felt a 6.1 quake on the Richter scale! That was enough excitement for one day, and we were sure tomorrow would bring us a new, fresh, and less stressful day.

The Patience Award

By: Kelly Rummelhart

I have blogged before about how surrogacy is all about “hurry up and wait”. Most surrogates know this saying well. Now every now and then, you’ll hear of a surrogate matching and transferring within 2-3 months, but that is NOT the norm.

Now, I wanted to go to the other extreme and give my friend and fellow surrogate, Andrea, The Patience Award…

Andrea is FINALLY going in for her transfer on Valentine’s Day! It has been a LLLLLLOOOONNNNNNGGGGG road for her. She started her journey as a surrogate at another agency. Once she was matched and screened, they hit a “road bump”. She parted ways with her agency. Now, by this time I knew and LOVED her, so I had her apply to my agency, who decided that she’d make a great surrogate and continued the process.

She was matched with a new couple and things were looking great. Then, just as they were headed for an embryo transfer, it was cancelled!

Andrea started blogging and made the big announcement September 2010, had a cancelled transfer September of 2011, and she’s finally going to get knocked up February 14, 2012. So for jumping through TONS of hoops all in hopes of helping a couple have a baby, I’d like to present Andrea with The Patience Award!

*If you would like to read on her journey and follow as she gets pregnant you can follow her at her blog: My Body. Their Baby

99.996789% Paternity!

By: Kerrie Olejarz

Knowing the DNA test results would take about a week, and then an additional 3-4 days for Cailyn’s passport, we knew we were in for a long 10 days ahead of us. A couple days after the DNA test, a local couple invited us for lunch at the “Embassy”. We were really stoked to get out of the B&B and meet Chad and Doug. We were not quite sure what they meant by the Embassy so we asked, and yep, the US Embassy in New Delhi! We had to bring our passports and Cailyn’s local birth certificate to be granted “friends of the US” entrance. We packed up Cailyn and all her supplies and headed to the US Embassy for lunch. Doug met us out front and escorted us in. After we passed security, we were hit with a scene similar to a vacation resort. We passed a pool, with lots of families swimming and enjoying the afternoon. Tunes were cranked, and it felt very surreal to witness this in India! We walked into the main building where we passed a bowling alley, a small shop and then entered into the dining room. Ah, such luxury! We were seated and had a wonderful meal and exceptional conversation with Chad and Doug. The commonality that brought us together was babies, and surrogacy. These guys live and work in New Delhi, and were expecting twins via Indian surrogacy. It was really great to hang out with them and share our week’s worth of parenting knowledge! We were very excited to follow their journey as their twins were due in November, and we were all anticipating boy or girl combos. Mark enjoyed an all-beef burger and Cailyn was an angel during our lunch. The guys invited us back to their home for tea which was just a short walk. They live in paradise. A gated Embassy property with lush gardens and gorgeous landscaping. We enjoyed tea, seeing the soon-to-be-finished nursery for the twins, and meeting their yellow lab. This is such a fond memory for us, making new friends on a wonderful day out with our daughter. Tuesday we heard from the DNA Company in Canada that our samples had been received and they were working on processing them! This was great news, one step almost completed, one day closer to going home. Cailyn had been showing some signs of gas, fussiness, colic -who knew- so we decided to take her into the doctor for a quick checkup. Dr. T could hear the gas in her, and also noted that her nose was a bit stuffy. He told us what to buy at the hospital pharmacy: a bottle of saline nose drops, and an eye dropper bottle of colic remedy made of fennel and dill. The whopping bill for these two items was less than two dollars! When we returned to the B&B, the family from Ireland whose baby was born two days after Cailyn, had also purchased the same saline drops for their little boy’s blocked tear ducts. It was really nice having them stay at the B&B and swapping baby tips and commiserating on the whole going-home process. Also staying at the B&B was a wonderful woman of Nigerian descent, relocated to the UK. She was in the midst of IVF stimulation and waiting on her husband to arrive in the next week. Despite us all having our stuff to do, we managed to spend time together, and sometimes, enjoy a glass of wine! Late in the evening we received the DNA test results. We never doubted what the results would be, and as expected, Mark was allegedly Cailyn’s father at a probability of 99.996789%!  This was a great relief, to receive the results so quickly, which now meant we could finalize our baby’s passport!  My sister joked that she was going to get Mark a t-shirt made that said “Cailyn’s alleged father”. This was Thursday, and the coming Monday was a Canadian holiday, so we knew there was a chance of a delay in processing the passport.  We opted to make plans to busy ourselves over the next 5 days so that we would not be sitting around going stir crazy!  Monday we were set to have a photo shoot, weather permitting, at Lodi Gardens, and Friday we were going to head to a beautiful market area called Haus Khaz as recommended by Chad and Doug.  It was the first of September and it was still very surreal that we were in India…with our daughter!

We Are Moving Right Along!

By: Kelly Rummelart

We have made it past 12 weeks and I’ve been told I can stop taking all my meds! YAY! This is one of my favorite milestones . . . shots are finished! Lozenges are finished! Vaginal suppositories are finished! DOUBLE YAY!

My next OB appointment is Valentine’s Day and by then I’ll be into my second trimester. Woot! Woot!

DNA Test, Check!

By: Kerrie Olejarz

When we returned to the B&B from the High Commission, we were optimistic that our DNA test would be scheduled over the next few days. I quickly sent off the scanned documents to the DNA company, which of course included all of my big fat Visa card digits. The sooner we had the DNA test, the sooner we could apply for a passport and go home. The next big thing was to work out when we were going home, and make sure our flights were ok, or switch them. It was mandatory that we have a confirmed return ticket to Toronto for Cailyn when requesting the passport, so we spent the rest of the day working this timeline out with our immigration liaison.

Once we had this sorted we made contact with our travel agent to switch our flights, and yep, we were leaving India earlier than expected! It took a while, but we finally found flights home for the three of us, and once again, I handed over all the digits on my Visa card. This day cost us $2200.00, just a drop in the bucket! We also were feeling cash strapped as the bank machines would only sometimes give us cash. We were allowed to take out 10000 INR per day, per card, and Mark spent a lot of days walking from machine to machine, hoping that this would be the one to give us cash. That evening he had luck and we were back in a comfortable position, finally having some emergency cash on hand. We knew that we could apply for Cailyn’s passport the same day as our DNA test, but we would need about 8000 INR ready to hand over to the High Commission to pay all the fees.

When we awoke the next morning, there was an email from the DNA company to the High Commission requesting the DNA test be completed as per our application. I immediately hit “reply all” and let the High Commission know we were ready and gave them our phone number. Within minutes of sending the email, the High Commission called to schedule the appointment for Thursday, and reminded us that none of us could eat or drink for one hour prior to our DNA swab. The appointment was at 1 pm, two days away.

We decided to spend the day at home, just relaxing and enjoying our baby girl. She was so sweet, so easy going. All the dashing around for citizenship appointments, shopping and doctors’ visits did not faze her. We had become fairly comfortable in our routine of boiling water, sterilizing nipples, and hand washing clothes and blankets. The following day we had a scheduled follow up appointment with the paediatrician and the visit was great! Dr T did a thorough exam of Cailyn and reviewed all her blood work results with us. He claimed her 100% medically perfect! We were very pleased with our visit and paid our doctor bill of $20.00 and headed back to the B&B. That evening we double and triple checked all of our passport application paperwork to minimize how much time we would need to spend at the High Commission the next day.

In the evening we were pleasantly surprised to see that Cailyn’s umbilical stump had fallen off and were very excited to give her the first proper bath! We bathed her in the bathroom sink and she seemed to really enjoy it. It was both scary and exciting – dealing with a slippery baby sure is scary the first time, but oh what fun it was to finally have this moment! Of course we snapped lots of pictures of her having her first bath.

Thursday was DNA testing day! We were so looking forward to getting this taken care of, knowing the wait on the results was about a week. We were not concerned about the actual results, just the waiting. Cailyn got all dressed up in a blue and pink outfit ready to head to the Canadian High Commission for her DNA test. Nothing to drink/eat for one hour prior is not an easy task for a baby. We tried very hard to encourage a feed before the cut-off time but no luck, so of course en route to the Commission we started to have a fussy baby. By the time we got in for the swab she was not a happy camper! She took the mouth swab fine, but the thumb print was a whole other story! This was the first time we saw a tear come out of her eye…she was just so upset. The nurse was sympathetic but the task at hand had to be completed. Once she was done, she really enjoyed her bottle. The delay in feeding sure had a ripple effect for the rest of the day with constipation and absolute fussiness. I guess there is a good reason why we try to keep these little ones on a schedule.

We now had to wait about a week for the DNA results and then for the High Commission to start the passport process. We had hoped to have the passport by September 7th, fingers crossed! That evening my buddy Nilesh came over and we had a meal together. I worked with Nilesh in Canada and we have remained in contact since. He is from Hyderabad but his head office is in Gurgon, close to the airport. He brought some beautiful pink girlie gifts for Cailyn which was so generous and sweet. We enjoyed his visit, and were more than ready for some rest after the long day we had just had.

WELCOME BABY #1000!

By: Kelly Rummelhart

My friend, Melissa, gave birth to the 1000th surrogate baby born with Growing Generations this weekend! That’s so crazy, 1000 babies means hundreds of surrogates, which I think is amazing. Not all women can be surrogates and not all want to be either. It takes a special woman to carry and birth a baby that is not hers but luckily for Intended Parents out there, there are several of us, so I know that this number will continue to grow and grow.

I know Melissa loved being a surrogate and she loved turning her IPs into two doting fathers. YAY Growing Generations and YAY SURROGACY!

Being Tested

By: Kerrie Olejarz

The time in the hospital was far from fun. We could barely run the air conditioner, for two reasons: one, Cailyn was naked and we could not let her get cold; and two, when we did turn on the AC for a brief moment it sounded like we were killing the pigeons living in the AC unit –it was an awful sound! After about 14 hours Cailyn started to have a meltdown, she was done with this hard plexi glass bed, she was hot, and overall just not impressed with the current situation. Taking her out of the UV bed to comfort her was all we could do, but we knew every moment out of the bed might lengthen her stay in the bed as she needed maximum exposure.

Late into the evening rounds the doctor came in and did a quick check on her. All was good, and he said we would have a blood test around 7am then more than likely be discharged. As we watched some TV and our little girl, the hands on the clock in the room seemed to not move. The hours felt so long as we made it through the night, sleeping a bit in shifts. Early in the morning a nurse came in to take Cailyn down to the second floor for blood work. We followed along and within minutes it was done. When the nurse brought Cailyn back to her room, she turned off the lower set of UV lamps, which meant we could put a mattress in for her comfort. I do not think she really noticed the difference, but we felt better that she had a softer surface to lie on.

Around 11 am Dr T came in to tell us the news that the blood work was improved but not ideal for discharge. This meant another 24 hours in prison…I mean, the hospital! Obviously we were sad to have to stay another day, but it was for Cailyn’s health so there was no question about it. Next to the hospital was a grocery store which supplied us with our nourishment of crackers, chocolates, cookies, pop, etc. What a horrible diet for two parents! We felt awful eating this way, just disgusting! We again took turns going back to the BnB for showers and to check emails and Mark rounded up some take away food. The next 24 hours were difficult, feeling trapped in a hot hospital room with minimal food and hoping that our baby would be discharged soon.

The next morning another blood test was run, and we were in the clear! Cailyn’s bilirubin was at a normal level and Dr T signed her off as healthy and ready to go home! We were over the moon, but still had to deal with the admissions sergeant downstairs. Every time we walked by her over the past few days she hounded us for money. We explained to her that we could only get 10,000INR per day from the bank, so it would be best if we settled up at the end. She asked for a security deposit from us on Day One, which we had hoped would show her that we were good for the money. She was only doing her job, we understood, but it was a bit stressful to walk past her and have her call out at us for money. Looking back on it now, it is kinda funny!

We were mainly anxious to get out of the hospital because we had an appointment at the Canadian High Commission. We could have skipped it or postponed it, but each day and each task for getting home is so important. We grabbed a rickshaw back to the BnB where we were greeted by the crew working there, all very concerned for the baby, and extremely happy to see her back home with us. Hariz made me a coffee right away which was so thoughtful of him, knowing we had been through all of this over the past few days, he was just so kind. We got ourselves sorted out, showered, and called Rahul for a ride to the High Commission. Since it was so so hot in Delhi, we opted to use Rahul’s car service as all his cars are air conditioned. We packed up and headed to the High Commission late in the morning. It was a scorching 50 Celcius and Rahul’s driver, named Mishra, had the car nice and cool for us. The drive was quick as it was not rush hour and not a weekend day.

When we got to the High Commission the guards recognized us and since we were familiar with the check in process, it was a stress-free experience. We waited a short time for consular services who then handed us a letter, requested proof of genetic link to enable further processing of Cailyn’s citizenship and passport. We expected this request and had previously been in contact with a DNA company. After leaving the High Commission, we asked the driver to take us to Dr Shivani’s office to ask a big favour. When we arrived, we asked the accountant to scan our essential DNA documents and email them to us. Luckily we were super organized and had them with us. Gourav the accountant was nice to help us out and promptly responded to our request. When we returned to the BnB we were able to take these scanned documents and send off to the DNA company. The documents included the letter from the High Commission, which contained the all important file numbers and also the DNA request application for payment processing. We could not request a DNA test until we had the unique file number.

So, finally, five days after her birth, we were well on our way to going home.

Oh the Joys of Pinterest!

I have a new obsession and it’s called Pinterest. I have been very busy the last week or so pinning recipes, vacation spots, and fun ideas for the kids. It’s also been very healing finding quotes and art that inspire me to heal over the ending of my marriage.

One of my favorite things to search on Pinterest is surrogacy stuff. I noticed there wasn’t too much, so I uploaded a few things too. My latest find, a great shirt that I re-pinned from another surrogate.

I thought I’d share my “Surrogacy Rocks” board with you. Feel free to check out some of the cool things I’ve found so far.

Pintrest

Interview with Kerrie Olejarz

An Interview with Kerrie Olejarz by The Next Family

TNF: How has it been blogging for TNF?

Blogging for TNF has been a lot of fun for me! I do have my own personal blog (http://markandkerriesjourney.blogspot.com/) but it is really nice to be reliving every moment from the past as I write for TNF and recount the series of our family-building events. Sometimes, it is cathartic as it brings me back to emotional times and opens the wounds somewhat, but also allows me to realize how strong I have become.

TNF: How is your family like every other family and how is it different?

Our family is totally the same as any other family out there. How we became a family may be somewhat unusual to some, but in the end, we are just a normal family, enjoying everyday with our daughter.

TNF: Did your family accept you and your lifestyle? If yes, explain and if not, explain what you have done to help them to accept your decisions and your lifestyle.

We did not have any challenges with our family accepting us going to India to work with a surrogate to start our family. We have always been very forthcoming with our struggles and everyone who knows us is aware of our struggles and how we never stopped trying! I think our strength kind of carried our family’s emotions throughout the whole process.

TNF: How do you juggle the work at home with your jobs?

Currently I am on maternity leave so there really is no struggle yet. I do however dread the day I have to return to work! Maybe my movie deal will come through by then!

TNF: What lessons do you feel are the most important to teach children in this day and age? Are there any lessons they, or perhaps we as parents should unlearn?

Tolerance and understanding are hugely important to us. We have always accepted people for who they are –black, gay, straight, white, Catholic, Muslim –it does not matter. Many parents tend to stigmatize people in life and sadly children pick up on this and become like their parents. Small changes make a huge impact on society, and we hope to raise our daughter with this life mantra.

TNF: Any words of wisdom to pass on to our readers?

Specifically about surrogacy in India – it is a leap of faith and you need to be prepared to dive in, eyes wide open or shut. Finding the doctors and clinic and making this decision is the first step in letting go of most controls surrounding this journey! Once you feel comfortable with your clinic choice, be prepared to feel very little control for the rest of the journey! Wiring money to another country, travelling for IVF, having a pregnant surrogate, wiring more money, waiting for updates and scans – the uncomfortable feelings never end for some. My advice: trust in your doctor, trust in the process, and know that there are options, should things not go as planned. Lean on experienced IP’s for advice when needed and try really hard to enjoy the experience!

TNF: Why did you choose India for surrogacy?

Initially cost was the main factor. To work with a surrogate in North America would have cost us close to or more than 100k. The process in India, including travels, ended out at about 35K upon our success. India also offered very advanced IVF medical facilities, and the security of knowing that, by virtue of their culture alone, our surrogate would not be smoking and drinking during the pregnancy. Furthermore, most Indian women sign up for the program for the monetary aspect and not with any agenda to keep the baby, or black mail you for more money. Since we started out in India, there are now many clinics to choose from versus the initial three that were available when we started in 2008.

Kerrie, it has been so nice to follow your story. Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl!

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