Safety Nets and Social Support

By: Lisa Regula Meyer

Pregnancy is an emotional time, and a surrogate pregnancy requires the support of family and friends, not only for the usual pregnancy reasons, but because of the additional people, stresses, appointments, and pressures concomitant with the process.  A pregnant woman needs the support of her partner, who will be holding her hand in the delivery room and all the way up to that moment.  She needs the support of family members who may be called upon to watch other children, run errands, listen to venting, or help with household chores.  She needs the support of coworkers, who may need to cover some of her workload, cover for appointments, and help out during maternity leave.  It takes a village to raise a child, and a small army to help a pregnant woman tie her shoes.

In a surrogate pregnancy, the need for support starts from the minute she starts deciding whether this is the path for her.  It starts with her husband or partner, as this is the person who has the biggest potential to help or hurt the process.  In the beginning especially, support isn’t just blindly saying yes to what a surrogate wants, but to ask critical questions, and give input to whether or not to pursue surrogacy, and which person/people to match with.  For myself, I am lucky enough to have a spouse who is astoundingly supportive.  Once I decide to do something, Dwight trusts enough to not question me or to try to dissuade me.  He answers the questions I ask, and leaves the unasked questions unanswered.

As for our son, in important family matters like surrogacy, we also seek his input and let him ask questions as well.  This is his family, too, and as to important decisions that are going to affect him as much as a pregnancy, he gets a say.  He’s been as supportive as Dwight, and is extremely proud of our family’s role in helping other families.

For the rest of the family, it’s been a mixed bag.  I come from a large family on my mother’s side, and live across state from them. Even when we lived close, I didn’t get to see them that often, in part because of time constraints, in part because I didn’t get to develop much of a relationship with them when I was young.  But they’ve been nothing but supportive of my choices, even if there is a distance between us.  A lot of family members are on Facebook, and we use that to stay in touch.  On my father’s side, the family is much closer geographically but less supportive of my choices.  For my first surrogacy, everything was fine as we went through the explanations of genetics  -anonymous egg donor, not my genetic child, two dads (that was a fun discussion with my 80-year-old grandmother).  My second surrogacy was different, because there is a genetic connection, which my too-open-for-my-own-good self managed to let slip.  That journey was also complicated by my sister’s suicide a month after I gave birth, so the family was very much in “sticking together” mode.  My in-laws have mostly taken my husband’s lead on what to think and do about surrogacy, although there were a couple of very awkward days when I gave birth to my first surrogacy and my mother in law and sister in law came to our town instead of going to Pittsburgh, like they had planned.  They were trying to be supportive, but sometimes that means giving someone space, an issue that Dwight and I deal with frequently with them.

My friends have been universally supportive, but I think much of that has to do with my tendencies in relationships- I make few close friends, but those friends are closer to me than my family.  My preference is for functional bonds, people with whom bonds are built on shared experience, over the chemical bonds of DNA.  My friends are my “chosen family.”  This perspective has been generally helpful over the years, although it has created some difficulties with family members as well.  It is what it is.

Co-workers that know have been supportive, but I try to keep my work life and personal life separate, so the number of my coworkers that know is fairly low.  As a graduate student during my surrogacies, I was lucky to be able to time my pregnancies putting the end of pregnancy during the summer, when I’m not in the office or teaching.  My schedule lets me legitimately work from home when I need to, and avoid people pretty easily when I want. For me, that’s part of the appeal of career in the academy.

I have an online community of other surrogates who are obviously very supportive and very much close friends, even if most of us have never met in person.  They are my lifeline and outlet in surrogacy related issues, and always willing to listen and respond with the truth, no matter what it is.

That’s the long story.  The short story is that I’ve been lucky to have some amazing people in my life, only a few sticky spots because of my journeys, and enough support that even the rough spots I’ve been able to navigate with the help of my circle.  Personally, I couldn’t do it alone, I’m not that strong a person, and I admire Kelly (Rummelhart) in her ability and strength to be able to do this with one less support person, and wish her all the best of luck.

Being a Single Surrogate

By: Kelly Rummelhart

 

Two more surrogates share their answers to questions about their experiences as single, gestational surrogates.

Were you single when you applied to be a surrogate? If not, at what point in the process did you become single? Are you single (as in alone) or are you single with a partner, you just aren’t married?

S: First time I was engaged when I applied to be a surrogate. I became single right before the transfer. Second round I was in a committed relationship and became single just after the contract was drafted. Right now I am single, as single as can be. Maybe that will change soon.

V: Yes … I had a jerk of a boyfriend that I got rid of shortly after beginning my application. I’m single with a partner. We met shortly after my 2nd transfer.

For married people, usually their husband is their major support system . . . who is yours?

S: I have a lot of support. My friends, family, co-workers. They all think what I do for other families is amazing. Luckily I haven’t had any negative people around me at all.

V: My major support is my awesome boyfriend. He’s been here for me thru everything when there was nothing holding him here except for the chance of what could possibly be. He could have walked away without looking back but he chose to stay with me.

What do you see as being the positives and/or negatives of being a single surrogate?

S: The positive of being single is you can be moody and sleepy all by yourself and not have to worry about making someone else deal with it. The negative is that if you do meet someone, it can be hard to explain the situation and the fact that if they are really interested they are “cut off” until the contract is up.

V: Positives, everything was at my discretion and I didn’t have to answer to or check with anyone. Everything was up to me and the parents.

What are your thoughts on dating while being a pregnant single surrogate? Open to it? No way? Why or why not?

S: I met a guy when I was six months prego the first round. I didn’t have a baby bump so I didn’t tell him on our first date. I didn’t tell him on our second date and when he wanted to watch a movie I just acted nervous to cuddle with him. (I didn’t want the baby to kick him!) I finally had to tell him and he was totally supportive about it. He thought it was amazing and wasn’t worried about it at all. That was a relief. The guy I’m talking to now, possibly moving forward with is also very supportive. He thinks it’s an amzaing gift and says I’m worth the wait for sex. He’s a keeper, Now I’m completely open from the start. No reason to hide it because if they are not supportive, I can choose to end that relationship.

V: At first I was against it … then I became lonely and thought if can find someone now, then they almost would have to be the perfect person because of everything that was about to be gone thru. I’m so incredibly glad that I took a chance to find someone because I ended up finding the perfect person for me and my children. It’s hard looking for and finding the perfect person. You definitely see a lot of “bad seeds” because a lot of guys are only looking for a random hook up. Luckily I found an amazing man that wanted the same thing I wanted: a family!

Would you be a single surrogate again?

S: I would be a single surrogate in a heartbeat. I have plenty of support from family and friends and my son thinks it’s awesome too, so why not? Until I’m too old to help, I’m all for it.

V: Yes, because I had an amazing experience.

Home Sweet Home!

By: Kerrie Olejarz

As we sat in the Brussels airport, sipping coffee and feeding Cailyn, we reflected a bit on the last few weeks.  It was now time to take a breath, a decompress.   We chatted about how we really took things in stride.  The going home process can be super stressful if you put unrealistic timelines on it and are not prepared for potential obstacles or hiccups along the way.  We felt proud of ourselves that we really paced ourselves, enjoyed every moment of it, and managed to actually depart earlier than those before us, all on a low stress diet.   I often tell people who ask about the going home process to expect it to be long, and make the very best of every moment.  I figure if you rush it, and there are any delays, you will more than likely lose your mind, so why not pace it out, even if that means an extra day or two in India.   Brussels aiport has very little to offer other than an expensive cup of coffee, bottle of water, or duty-free chocolate and fragrances.  We picked a spot to park ourselves that had nice leather sofas by a window.  Cailyn was such a joy, and made very little fuss about anything.  We tried very hard to keep her belly full and her bum dry, that’s really all a baby wants, and of course, sleep!  She was still colicky, or gassy, so we loaded her up on some homeopathies we brought from home.  About a half hour before boarding time we decided to change her clothes so that she was nice and fresh for the last leg home.  Fortunately, we had purchased that bag in New Delhi, so getting at all this stuff was super easy, and zero frustration.   The gate, if you can call it a gate, was basically a podium almost in the middle of the terminal walkway.  We barged our way to the front, taking advantage of having an infant!  We were nicely let into the front of the line, and then stood there for ten minutes; not sure why, but when the line started moving we were close to kicking our heels in the air with excitement of going home.  We had the same seats, and the same seat neighbours for this leg.  The Jet Airways crew came and refreshed our memory on ascending and descending, and soon, the captain welcomed us onto the flight and we started taxiing to take off! The flight from Brussels to Toronto was pretty much a replay of the first leg from India.  Cailyn again was an angel on the flight, and our main concern was ensuring she was warm, fed, and dry.   As we rounded Goose Bay Newfoundland we started to feel anxious, the journey was close to its end!  We fidgeted a lot, could not focus on any movie and just watched the onscreen interactive map counting down the kilometers to Toronto.  Two and a half hours later we descended into YYZ, Pearson International Airport!!!  What an amazing journey we had just completed, and now, finally, home.   As we walked towards customs, we knew there was potential for questioning of Cailyn’s passport -a temporary passport, with a glaringly obvious white cover unlike the standard issue blue cover.  We stood in the customs line, Cailyn slept, and within minutes we were called to the counter.  The gent behind the counter looked at our passports and scanned them along with our customs document, then, he looked at Cailyn’s passport, mentioned how weird it was to see a white one and when we said she was born out of country, he welcomed her home and we were on our way to baggage claim. Of course, our bags were the last to come off the plane.  Almost every other passenger had retrieved their bags and were long gone.  Finally all our bags arrived and we headed to the main departure door.   As we exited there was my sister, Mark’s brother, and very good friends.  Of course, there was a coffee for me!!! YAY!! The exhaustion and excitement was overwhelming!  Bo and Amy, our friends, were so gracious to get me a coffee and brought us a gift for Cailyn.  My sister, in her pure thoughtfulness, had a welcome home banner made!!  It was just awesome to show off our baby girl and be surrounded by amazing people!

Q & A on Single Surrogacy Part 1

By: Kelly Rummelhart

I’m still waiting to hear back from a few of my single surrogate friends, so I’m hoping by next week to be able to speak for some other women who are in the same situation as I am. For now, I suppose I’ll just answer a few of the questions I posed to them.

Were you single when you applied to be a surrogate?
No. Of the three times I applied to be a surrogate, I was married to the same man.

If not, at what point in the process did you become single?
My husband left our marriage less than a month after my embryo transfer in our third and final surrogacy.

Are you single (as in alone) or are you single with a partner (you just aren’t married)?
I am completely single at the moment.

For married people, usually their husband is their major support system . . . who is yours?
At this point in time my support system consists of my best friend Stacie and her husband Paul, other friends, as well as an extensive online group of surrogates.

What do you see as being the positives and/or negatives of being a single surrogate?
I am so new to being a single surrogate that I’m not sure about these. I guess a positive is that I haven’t gained as much weight, since I don’t sit around eating with my husband like I used to. I also don’t have someone who will run out at 10:30pm for ice cream either.

Part of me is not looking forward to the time after the birth, since this time around I won’t have as much help with my children while healing from a c-section. However, this is more because of my mother not being able to come help after the birth (at this point in time) and my ex won’t be around to help out in her absence (not that he did before either).

I am sure after going through the entire pregnancy I will be able to revisit this question with some honest answers.

What are your thoughts on dating while being a pregnant single surrogate? Open to it? No Way? Why or why not?
I am not adverse to dating during a surrogacy if I found the right person. However, I am not sure there are too many people who would want to date someone who is pregnant . . . all the hormones and other “fun” side effects of pregnancy aren’t a major turn-on I’m sure.

I am not sure how I feel about sex in this situation. First of all it would have to be someone that I would want to be intimate with while pregnant and they would have to be comfortable going through the screening process and acknowledge the need to remain monogamous. I think a lot of people may have issues with this, so I think it may be easier to just remain abstinent for the final months of my surrogacy, or at least limit sexual contact to behaviors that cannot spread sexually transmitted diseases.

Would you be a single surrogate again?
If I weren’t already on my last journey, I’m not sure how I would respond to this question. I guess I would have to wait to see how this entire journey went before I could make an educated decision. I do know that if I had a choice I would have a partner or spouse who would be a major support throughout the entire journey.

Up Up and Away..

By: Kerrie Olejarz

We were quite surprised that no one at security batted an eye at our thermos of water, but I guess when travelling with a newborn that is to be expected.  As we stumbled through the annoying backpack-style baby bag to make Cailyn a bottle before we boarded, I said to Mark how much I dreaded dealing with this bag on both legs of the flight.   I headed off in the airport on a quest, to find a larger, open top -bag.  Fortunately I found one, and it was a typical airport rip off, but at this point I couldn’t care less.  I ended up buying a beautiful cotton bag with two straps, a magnet closure on the top, and had a beautiful India style colourful pattern on the outside.  We sat and transferred all the baby stuff into it in advance of heading to our gate.  Cailyn had a nice feed of two ounces and was back, sleeping sound in her cocoon.  The New Delhi airport is a large one, lots of walking to get to our gate.  As we waited at the gate, we feared that Cailyn would freak out on the plane, and our fellow passengers would give us the eye, you know the one you give the parents with the annoying crying baby!  Our travel agent did well, she managed to reserve us the bulk head, or bassinet rows.  The team on the Jet Airways flight came and explained to us what we needed to do for take off and landing, and also offered us what ever we needed during the flight for the baby.  Finally, take off!  I held Cailyn close to me as instructed earlier.  The incline up to 41,000 feet altitude was smooth, and quick.  Once the seat belt sign went off, the staff came and installed a bassinet for Cailyn.   Mark lined the bassinet with warm blankets, then we placed Cailyn inside of it, and wrapped her in more warm blankets.  Considering the outside temperature was -52 Celsius, we figured we best keep our precious cargo warm.  As you can see in the picture, she looks quite cozy in the bassinet. First major fly over was Islamabad, then Kabul, then Ashkhabad.  Deep inside there was always a twinge of fear as we flew over these heavily armed nations.  We were en route to Brussels Belgium, and once we flew over Turkmenistan, my nerves of potential terrorist activities started to ease.  Cailyn was a dream on the flight.  She slept, she ate, we changed her bumb, we cuddled her, and this sequence played out about three times in our eight-hour flight.  What a joy it was to sit in the bassinet row!  The leg room was awesome and the only thing in front of us was our baby girl.  It was all very surreal, sitting on this plane with 300 strangers who probably thought we were nuts to travel with such a young baby; if only they knew our story.  We took turns catching 15-20 minutes of sleep, and because I have a clotting issue, I would get up and walk around a lot to ensure good blood flow.  I had my compression stockings on, but it is never worth risking it out of laziness, especially now that there was this little 6lb passenger who needed me.   A short 8 hours later we descended into Belgium.  Mark held Cailyn for the descent as she slept in his arms.  We were half way there!  Now we had a two-hour layover in Belgium, then 7.5 hour flight, then HOME!!! Oh ya, and the bag was awesome, well worth the fortune I paid at New Delhi aiport!

Eggs and Baskets

By: Lisa Regula Meyer

 

 

One question that has come up, and that I thought would be fun to address around Easter, is egg donation.  I have been an egg donor, a gestational surrogate, and a traditional surrogate, in addition to having my own child.  I don’t have a unique view on any of these topics, but I do have both an opinion and experience with all of these topics.  There are thousands of women just like parts of me in the US alone.  I enjoy having had all of those opportunities, and consider all of them to be tools in shaping the person writing all this down.

Some people but a lot of stock in the genetics of their child, but that’s just not me.  I don’t feel connected by that sequence of Cytosine-Guanine-Adenine-Thymine, because frankly, seven billion humans have a similar amount of genetic variation as a single social group of gorillas.  Genetics are important for health histories, but genetics don’t make a family.  Humans- we’re an inbred lot compared to other organisms.  I’m also not a big fan of children, in case you haven’t guessed.  Right now you’re probably wondering why on Earth I would help other people have kids, right?  And I’m sure that a lot of fun tabloids and talk shows would say that it’s because of  money.

I’m here to tell you that it’s because I think people have the right to do what fits best for them, that everyone deserves the right to have the experience of parenting, and that families come in all makes, models, and sizes, and we don’t have the right to say one type of family is any better or worse than another.  Crazy, I know.  The thing is, when that little orangutan of mine came into my life, it did change things.  It wasn’t instantaneous, and it wasn’t perfect.  It took me a while to realize it, but they say it’s the slow gradual lifestyle changes that stick.  But even with 170+ pages of my dissertation waiting to be edited and defended, having that little orangutan was the best thing I’ve ever done, although it’s a tight race between him and my dissertation some days.

I understand that other people love children and feel called to be parents, and I respect that.  In theory, children are pretty freaking cool- someone to teach and mold, and carry on your memory and legacy. In reality, I find them too messy to justify more than one for myself and Dwight.  Similarly, I understand that other people want and value a genetic connection to their child, and that’s their feeling.  From an evolutionary perspective, it makes great sense, wanting to have your own children.  I never claimed to make the best choices.  I guess I’m more of a catbird than others are.  I’ll leave my eggs in other nests, and let those parents enjoy the offspring.  The major difference being that catbird offspring will typically dump any other eggs out of the nest; to my knowledge, none of my egg donation babies have committed fratricide.

So is this all completely altruistic?  Of course not. I get the thrill of helping somebody else have kids; I get to feel appreciated and special; I get to meet new people and see new places and have an amazing experience.  I’ve been fortunate to have some amazing stories and experiences in my life, and be a part of something special that others only dream of.  I’ve also been fortunate enough to have found a partner who is just as passionate about freedom and bodily autonomy as I am.  He trusts me to do what is right for me and doesn’t stop me from doing what thrills my heart.  We’re both completely honest with each other, and with our son, and we trust that that is how most of the world is, too.  Kenny knows more about reproduction and alternative ways of creating a family than many college students.  We all know that there are people genetically related to me and to Ken out there; it’s something to be cognizant of, but not to dwell upon, because it doesn’t affect our day to day life (although it has lead to some interesting discussions with strangers).

I guess if you take nothing else from this piece, remember that life is a continuum, not a one dimensional stereotype.  As many different types of families as there are, they all exist because of the same reason: love.  As many surrogates, gamete donors, and birth parents as there are, there are as many reasons to travel the route they have chosen.  It’s the variety that makes life interesting; this is the flavor I lend the world stew, and it’s only with the interaction of all the other parts that I taste the way I do- my particular mix of sweet, salty, bitter, sour, and rich.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Being a Single Surrogate

By: Kelly Rummelhart

If you remember, weeks ago I shared with you that after thirteen years together (and eleven married), my marriage ended. We are approaching four months since my husband decided to leave and I have to say that I’m doing great.

I have had several people say in so many words that it is awful that I am pregnant during this. I disagree. I think it would be awful if this were my own baby, but being pregnant with this surro baby has actually helped out in my opinion. Let me quickly explain:

I wasn’t able to turn to alcohol. I’m not a big drinker anyway but a few friends talked about getting together for wine, shots or margaritas, etc. It was much easier to say no, thank you, because I was pregnant. However, I have since started a whole board on Pinterest with yummy alcoholic drinks to try in August!

I didn’t go out and get tattooed. I have wanted more tattoos for awhile, but with constantly being pregnant or screening for surrogacy, I was unable to add any. With that said, I’m sooooooo glad I was pregnant because I’d probably have a few tattoos that I didn’t think through. This way I’ve been able to fantasize about what I’d like to have done and will have been able to have thought about it for almost a year by the time I do it. Again, I have a pinterest board dedicated to tattoos, some of which are ideas for myself.

I can’t sleep around. The first two listed would’ve been more so in the beginning when I was freaking out over the big change in my life. This one is for the next few months now that I’m feeling back to myself. First of all, not too many people are lining up to date a pregnant lady, so that helps. Also, per contract, any partner I have sex with needs to be screened for STD’s and needs to agree to be monogamous. Not an issue when you’re married but quite a big step for a new partner.

I figure my next few posts will be about being a single surrogate and I have about five other friends who are single and surrogates. It will be fun to interview them for the blog and also get advice for myself.

Kelly Rummelhart writes about her experiences as a gestational surrogate for gay couples. She calls herself a “Uterine Activist” and will be the first to tell you that her uterus is an ally. Kelly also writes at Just The Stork.com

Leaving on a Jet Plane!

By: Kerrie Olejarz

Back from our hospital tour we had to get in high gear to sort through all our stuff and pack it all!  Cailyn napped nicely on the king sized bed as we went through all of our stuff.  Mark continued to cull, and Hariz continued to take away our garbage.  We had three large suitcases and two medium sized carry on bags to deal with.  Mid packing Mark walked over to M Block market to get the last of the cash we needed, and when he returned he brought some lattes and donuts.  We had discovered Mad Over Donuts on the main road, and this became a favourite place of ours to grab a latte after a day of outings or a day of just enjoying our baby.  We took a break to enjoy our coffees and looked at the chaos in the room with dread.  Packing up is actually quite easy, really, going home you can just shove everything in your suitcase and deal with it when you get home.  So, this is what we did.  We turned on the turbo and started making it all fit.  We had a few gifts that we needed to ensure were packed safely, and Rajesh, the BnB owner, gave us a bottle of whisky to take home, so we had to wrap this up and hope it didn’t break on the 24 hour trek home.  Around 9 pm we were good to go, and Rajesh offered us tea while we sorted through our billing and paid up our balance.  Our new friend from the UK could not bear to see us leave and she chose to stay in her room.   Rajesh was always full of stories, some we believed, but most we didn’t.   That was it, we were done!  We just had to wait for Rahul to pick us up and then make our way to the airport.  Around 11:30pm Rahul arrived with his “long” car to take us to the airport.  Mark, Hariz, Rama, and Rahul loaded the car with our luggage, and despite this being the “long” car, we were jammed!  We said our goodbyes, and our UK girl made her appearance to say good bye for now.  We were so fond of her, and she always called herself Cailyn’s Black Auntie!  This  cracked me up, yet made me oddly uncomfortable!  Finally, we were on the road!  It was surreal that we were starting the long trip home.  After about a 30 minute drive we arrived at DEL, Delhi International Airport.  We settled up our 5 week bill with Rahul and joked a lot about his driver Mishra losing some of our invoices!  Finally, into the airport we go, directly to Jet Airways baggage check.  It was just before midnight, and we were tired and running on adrenaline.  At the baggage check counter the associate reviewed our passports.  Cailyn’s temporary passport was white, and stood out as different than ours.  They reviewed it and looked at it for signs of authenticity.   After looking satisfied that this was a legitimate passport, they flipped to the page with her exit visa.  Calmly, the man behind the desk said ” You best get through security before midnight as this Visa will expire then”.  Holy shiza, we panicked!!! Can you imagine our anxiety, OMG, maybe we cannot leave India, how much will new flights cost us, where will we stay, on and on!  We motored our way over to security and the lines were super long.  We stood there, we waited, we waited some more, and finally at almost 1 am, we made it to the security desk.  The young man working it asked for the standard boarding passes and passports.  My heart was in my stomach.  We chose to have me deal with the secuirty check in; I had the advantage of being a blond woman with some charm.  The boy scanned my passport, then Mark’s, then opened Cailyn’s to see the expired Visa.  He looked at me in disbelief.  He asked if I knew it was expired, and I said “Yes, but, we stood in this line for a very long time…long enough for it to expire.  It’s not that big of deal, we can go home right?”  He smiled, nodded, scanned her passport and we walked through to the scanners.  Holy moly, thank god they did not require a blood pressure check at this point as we would have failed drastically!!!  Cailyn continued to be a quiet little angel in her cocoon.  Security had check points for women and for men.  I took Cailyn with me to the women’s check point.  The security people assumed her carrier was a duffel bag and were surprised to see a living baby in it.  I entered the pat down area, I was scanned for metal, and patted down.  The woman looked at Cailyn, asked how old she was.  When I told her four weeks, she was shocked that we would travel with such a young baby.  She looked into Cailyn’s cocoon to ensure we were not smuggling something illegal in via baby carrier.  Finally, I exited the pat down area to find Mark.  We both took a deep breath, smiled and headed to the food court to grab a quick bite to eat before our 2 am boarding.

Is Safari the New Journey?

By: Kelly Rummelhart

 

 

So, my friend and 3x surrogate Jennifer has always had an issue with calling our surrogacy experiences”journeys.” It is something that I use all the time so I’ve never thought anything about it. Jen uses the term safari, which I thought was hysterical, but now it’s kind of grown on me.

Now, I still use journey because that’s what I’ve always said and I don’t want to confuse any of my readers but safari has definitely become somewhat of an inside joke amongst my surrogacy group.

To wrap up, I’m half way through my final safari. Feeling great, showing a bit, and ready for the pounds to come on. So far I haven’t gained any weight (I don’t usually gain weight until around this time) so I’m sure it will start to creep on pound by pound for the next 17 weeks.

Almost Home!

By: Kerrie Olejarz

The feeling of going home was very exciting! We could not wait to show off our little miracle to friends and family in person, not just on Skype!  We has just over 24 hours before we departed, but India was not complete.  We were getting ready to have dinner with intended parents and new parents from New Jersey, Denver, Canada, London, Ireland, and Australia.  The girls from Australia were not able to make it to dinner which was sad, but we had spent time with them and knew that they were super exhausted from all the day trips to the Delhi Newborn Centre, spending time with the preemie twins.  Everyone gathered at our BnB and we had planned to order in food.  After about a half hour of meet and greets, and everyone holding Cailyn and the baby from Ireland we decided to go to Hell.  Hell was an amazing restaurant, western style food, unusual atmosphere, like a western Goth style club, and great service!  Oh, and happy hour, buy one drink get one free!!!  Everyone was on board and we got ready to walk over.  I decided to give Cailyn a bottle and change her bum before we headed over.  The girl from Canada had twins in the Newborn Centre and spent time with me in our room, watching me feed Cailyn and change her.  She was obviously anxious about doing all of this when the twins were finally released from hospital.  And, on top of that, she had one more baby to come from a singleton surrogate pregnancy!!  Three, yes three babies to love and care for!!!  We all headed over to Hell; Cailyn was in her Phil and Ted’s cocoon, sound asleep.  Hell welcomed us with open arms, and knew us as “Mr Mark”…seems we ate there a lot and they got to know us!  The evening was full of sharing and bonding, good food and of course, we indulged in happy hour.  Something about a gin and tonic always puts me in a celebratory mood!  As the evening unwound we were sad to leave these wonderful folks.  The kinship is hard to explain, meeting perfect strangers who just happen to be going through the same thing as you creates an instant and unique bond.   After a long day we decided to start packing a bit as Cailyn slept so nicely in her cocoon.  OMG…did we accumulate a lot of garbage!  As we started chucking we felt bad for the boys at the BnB having to deal with all our crap.  Fortunately, Mark had lots of t-shirts he decided to leave for them so I think that lightened their pain, or at least we felt it did.  We chose to leave all the inexpensive toiletries in India and only pack up the good ones to take back home.  We had given the Aussies all our preemie clothes as they were to small for Cailyn, but somehow, our load was not that much lighter!  After a couple hours we hit the bed and were exhausted, just in time for Miss C to awake for a feed and change.  It was a privilege and pleasure to feed her.  Every precious moment was more than heartfelt for both of us.  She was an angel, our little girl.  In the morning after breakfast we decided to go visit Dr Shivani and say our goodbyes, until next time that is.  She asked us to meet her at her IVF hospital and so we did.  She was gracious enough to offer us a tour and we accepted.  We handed Cailyn off to one of the nurses knowing she was in good hands, scrubbed down and changed in to hospital scrubs to start our tour.  As we exited the general public area of the hospital and went through the double wide door into the surgical and lab part we were almost wisked away by the extreme ventilation system!  This was a pretty cool thing, no air transfer or dust would get into the surgical area as this ventilation system prevented any transfer.  Pretty wild!  The hospital was more than we expected.  State of the art equipment,  industrial HEPA filtration throughout, stainless steel everywhere and the highest quality equipment in the lab.   We were blown away at the facilities,  they were beyond our expectations, and actually stood out beyond what we had seen elsewhere in India and at home.  Dr Shivani gave us a thorough tour, explaining every detail with clarity.   At the end of the tour we talked to Dr Shivani about Baby Number Two, and she said “let’s do your blood test now”!  Haha doc, we are just about to board a plane, not doable, but tempting!!  We changed back into our street clothes and gathered up Cailyn.  The nurse really enjoyed Cailyn and wanted us to all have a picture together.  We settled into one of the patient rooms to feed Cailyn and give her some cuddles.  Being without her was not terrible, but being reunited with her was more than wonderful! We then met up with our friend from the UK who was at the hospital for her IVF shot.  It always felt comfortable, like family when we were around Dr Shivani.  We said our final goodbye to the doctor and were on our way.  I was a little bit sad, leaving Dr Shivani as she had become very important in our daily lives for the last 12 months.  Although we did not spend much time with her, we were going to miss her, just being close to her was really nice.   We decided to make a quick stop at the big mall to buy Cailyn some Indian bangles to have at home.  We decided to get small ones, as we would soon return to India and purchase her some more age appropriate ones at that time.  After the mall, we headed back to the BnB to finish packing and settle up our bill with the owner.  In less than 12 hours we would be on a plane, home!

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