The 7 or the 3, which are you?

By: Carol Rood

 

 

I have read so many blog posts about “The Hunger Games” lately.  Parents talking about why they don’t want their children to see the movie.  Some talking about not allowing their children to read the book.  They feel it is not appropriate for their children.  As if they somehow feel the need to apologize for making a decision they feel is best for their own kids.  Concerned about being judged by other parents as “too conservative” or not “with the times”.  Then there is the other side of the coin.  Parents who feel they have to explain why they DID allow their children to read the book or see the movie.  They worry about judgment for seeming too “permissive” or not caring about the scars their kids might get from the message of the books or the violence.

I have a difficult time with both of these points of view.  Not because I think there is a correct age or time for a child to see a particular kind of movie or read a particular book.  Not even because I disagree with the message or storyline of the book and/or movie.  (By the way I just finished reading “The Hunger Games”, and have not yet seen the movie.)

The problem I have with those two trains of thought is why the parents even feel the need to explain their decisions to every one else.  I am of the opinion that 7 out of every 10 people are reasonable, intelligent, caring individuals, with the other 3 being the jerks in this world.  That being said, why should the 7 reasonable, caring and intelligent people feel as if they have to justify or explain their decisions or actions regarding their children?  Especially since they are probably explaining it to the other 3…the unreasonable, uncaring, and unintelligent people.

The parents who need to justify and explain their actions are the ones who neglect, physically, emotionally or sexually abuse their children.  They are comprised of the 3.  The other 7 are making a decision regarding the things they think are appropriate for their children in a thoughtful and meaningful way.  That is not to say that every decision they make will be the right decision.  Parenting is fraught with mistakes and learning curves.  There is no manual that a person gets to help them when they become a parent, and even if you did get a manual with your first child, you would need to toss it in the trash when the second child comes.  Each child is unique and what works for one child won’t work for another child.

For example, my oldest, Joe Cool, was a very easy baby and toddler.  He listened and responded very well to time out and removal of toys as discipline.  I can still discipline him by taking away his toys (now a cell phone and PS3 as opposed to legos and trucks), and I can still “get” to his conscience by letting him know I am disappointed in him.  I thought I had this baby/toddler thing mastered and then came along my second child, The Genius. COMPLETELY different in every way shape and form from his older brother.  Time outs and taking things away didn’t phase him in the least.  I had to use physical discipline with him, and even then he would act as if he was going to do as he pleased.  I am not proud of using physical punishment on him, but it was my last resort, and the only thing that worked.  However, since I am one of the 7, I know I did the best I could, and I knew the most appropriate way to discipline my kids.  Even now The Genius will try to argue, cajole, redirect, and excuse his behavior.  I no longer have to use physical discipline, as he is 12 now and removing computer time works best.  But he is very different from his brother in many ways.  He is definitely the more sensitive and considerate brother, while the older one is more musically inclined and has an amazing sense of humor.  I love them both tremendously, and I STILL know what is best for my boys.

I used to feel as if I had to explain my actions and motives regarding my decisions about my kids, but no longer.  They are pretty awesome people, and I know that the only person that knows them better than themselves….. is me.  I know what makes them tick, what motivates them, what they are afraid of and what they want from life.  I know their hearts and most of the time I know their minds.

My point is that I want those of us parents who are part of the 7…….the people who are reasonable, caring and intelligent….to own that we are part of the 7, and know within ourselves, that we do not need to justify or explain our decisions regarding our children to anyone besides our partners, ourselves, and sometimes, our kids.

So if you want your kids to see a movie, or read a book, or not, it is your decision to make.  So decide, and own that decision knowing that you are always trying to do the best for your child.

My Journey with an Eating Disorder

By: Carol Rood

I am a college student and this week in my Abnormal Psychology class we had to read and discuss eating disorders.  This was a touchy subject for me because in 1994 when I was in the Navy I was diagnosed as having a compulsive overeating disorder and was sent to inpatient rehabilitation for 6 weeks in Miramar, California.

I had been in a painful place in my life for many years, and it manifested itself into an eating disorder.  I had a “hole” in my soul and I tried to fill it with food.  I went to an inpatient rehab, and interestingly, there was a mixture of male and female patients there for treatment. While in treatment I met with counselors, attended group meetings in the facility, and outside the facility, I attended Overeater’s Anonymous (OA) meetings.

After 6 weeks of treatment I graduated and was sent back to my command in Pensacola, Florida.  I almost immediately transferred to San Diego, California. It turned out that San Diego was a wonderful place to live if you attend OA meetings, as there were at least 3-5 meetings every day at different times of the day.  I had a sponsor and diligently worked my steps while at the same time maintaining abstinence from overeating.  For OA, abstinence is a 3-0-1 program. Meaning 3 meals a day, 0 snacks in between, 1 day at a time.  The goal is to stop the compulsive part of eating.  With AA and NA the goal is completely stopping usage of what you are addicted to.  With food, you can’t completely stop consumption, but you can stop consuming due to your emotions, and merely consume for your body’s energy. It changes the focus around food. And makes eating a means to an end as opposed to what your life centers around.

I was actively involved in OA for about 4 years and received many tokens (or coins) during my sobriety.  I did not always do a perfect job, and had to get more than one 30-day abstinent pin.  However, before I moved to Indiana, I received my 3-year coin for completing three years’ of abstinence.  While I was in San Diego, I sponsored other women in the program, and was very involved in the San Diego OA community.  We had annual talent shows, and other special events to raise awareness and to raise funds for the regional OA group.

When I moved from the San Diego area, I moved to a place where there were no meetings that worked for my schedule.  I have not been to a meeting in many years, and no longer have the “need” to eat compulsively.  I have learned how to identify my “emotional” eating, and recognize it for what it is.  I can now redirect that into something else like exercise, or drinking water, or playing solitaire on the computer until that urge passes.

I will always be a compulsive overeater, but it is my choice whether or not I want to actively participate in the negative side of the disease, or keep it at bay.  I recognize the signs and symptoms, and have learned how to combat the urges.  I guess that is as close to a cure as I can get. However, I feel that I am in recovery every day, and still take it One Day at a Time.

Finding My Inner Fashionista

By: Carol Rood

I was reading an article this past week, and a question was asked as part of that article.  The question was, How do you find your fashion voice and cultivate your personal style?

This is a difficult question because when I thought about it, my first thought was, “what style?”  I am not sure I have what I would call a “fashion style.”  However, when I sat down and really thought about it, I realized I DO have a fashion style, or at least I know what I like to wear and I also thought about the way that has changed over the years.  Some of the change has happened due to necessity, as my body at 46 is not the same shape it was at 26. So I can no longer wear certain shaped clothing or body hugging clothing as I did many years ago.  Some women are fortunate and their bodies don’t change much over the years.  That has not been the case for me.  Due partly to genetics, partly to my sweet tooth, and partly to the fact that I did not adhere to a strict calorie count in my early 40’s, I am what I would refer to as plump.  I do not feel I am morbidly obese, but I could stand to lose 30 pounds.

Which brings me back to the question of: How do I find my fashion voice and cultivate my personal style?

After some thought, I decided that I find my fashion voice through color.  And by color I don’t mean pastels…no ma’am. I mean bright jewel tones.  Red, blue, green, purple.  And I love designs.  No solid colors here.  I have not always loved bright colors and designs, and I think some of that started after I joined the military.  I spent 20 years in the Navy wearing a uniform.  I worked in a medical clinic, so there were no cammies for me.  I wore white clothes (uniform shirt, and slacks or skirt) every day from April to November, and black clothes from November until April.  Then back to white, then black, then white, then black, over and over through a 20-year span.  I did get to wear desert cammies for the three months I was in Bahrain in 2003, and a jumper for my last year when I was in a squadron, but that was my only reprieve from the black and white monotony.  So I wanted to NEVER have to wear drab monotone clothing again.  When I retired and started working for a local dermatologist, I bought the brightest, most colorful scrubs I could find.

So my fashion voice has evolved and I am less inclined in my 40’s to be a slave to what the fashion industry says is vogue, and more inclined to wear what I want.  I wear scrubs to work, and spend much of my days in sweats or gym clothes.  But when I go out, then my inner fashion diva comes out.

For running around during the day I like to look cute but still be comfortable.  Jeans and cute flats in the winter or capris and strappy sandals in the summer will be paired with a cute, bright top. I do like a nice pair of heels, but I have toned down the heel from 3.5 inches to 2 inches as my waistline has expanded and the candles on my birthday cakes have increased.  I LOVE a beautiful pair of high heels, but since I can only wear them comfortably for about 10 minutes, I usually get a lower heeled shoe I can wear for hours. I suppose that is me choosing practicality over beauty.  Sigh…

I do like to break my own “rules” on occasion however.  I was going to attend a holiday event with Bluebell and I had found just the right red crushed velvet top to go with a pair of black pants with a flared leg.  I HAD to have a pair of red peep toe sling back heels. I dragged my BFF The NewYorRican all over town looking for what I wanted and finally found them at The Navy Exchange of all places.  I bought them and was thrilled they only cost $30.00.  I had the outfit and was ready to go, and then the event was cancelled.

Not to be silenced, my fashion voice found three other events to wear my outfit to that season, and those red shoes were on my feet for at least an hour each time! I may have even been  the best dressed gal watching: “War Horse” at the movie theater!

So ladies, I advise you to find your inner diva, fashionista, and wear what you like.  Wear what is comfortable, and looks good on you!  Forget what the New York Fashion show says you are supposed to wear, swim against the flow, and be happy with  your own personal style!

Tell me, what does your inner fashionista want you to wear??

College Campuses Offer LGBT Housing

By: Carol Rood

I am an avid National Public Radio listener.  I LOVE LOVE to listen to NPR.  I always feel more informed and smarter after a day of listening and feel like I know so much more than I did when I woke up in the morning.  I am also one of those geeks who calls in to the radio shows and gives my opinions or asks a question.  Yes, I am THAT nerd person.

Today while I was driving to work I happened to tune in to the Cathy Lewis show called “Hearsay” on our local NPR station WHRO.  Today the show was about LGBTQ housing at local universities in the Hampton Roads area.  In light of the Rutgers University student Dharun Ravi being found guilty of a hate crime last week after using a web cam to spy on his roommate Tyler Clementi.  Subsequently the kiss that Tyler shared with another man was viewed by Ravi and was talked about on a Twitter account.  Sadly Tyler Clementi committed suicide by jumping off of the George Washington Bridge.

Unfortunately this is not the first or only incident of college students being bullied due to their sexual orientation or perceived sexual orientation.  I am afraid it won’t be the last.  However, a young man founded an organization to help change this and is trying to do something to help college students be able to live in a safe, friendly environment where they don’t have to worry so much about bullying or being singled out in their dormitories.

Meet David Norton, Founder of The National Student Genderblind Campaign.  This shares a little about why he created this website.

“In 2006, the National Student Genderblind Campaign arose as a grassroots network of student activists working to pioneer a movement for broader gender equality. We envision a fully inclusive and free society in which labels matter less—a world in which our social institutions and policies reflect the fact that social identities are not experienced in static, bounded, and homogeneous ways. By joining together to advocate for gender-neutral policy, we can move towards this vision for true equality.”

I applaud the efforts of this young man to help encourage students to work with the administrations at their colleges and universities to establish housing that is gender neutral.  Housing that is not segregated by sex but that is “gender blind” and takes into account what works best for students and not what has been a tradition.

“As college and universities increasingly strive to lead the way towards a new era of gender equality, gay rights, and transgender inclusion, students across the country are now calling into question the fundamental assumptions behind conventional dormitory policies. Why do we require men to live with men and women with women? Why can’t students simply room with whomever they feel most comfortable? Suddenly, with these questions posed, the injustice of it all begins to come clear; we start to recognize that traditional policies are premised upon outdated beliefs and stereotypes about gender and sexuality.”

Today I heard David say that over 125 colleges and universities have adopted gender neutral housing and that is amazing!  His website has talking points that can help students begin the dialogue with their administration as well as helpful tips to ease the dialogue and help students present it in a clear and concise fashion. Bravo David Norton!!

I will be graduating from Tidewater Community College in December of 2012, and have been waffling about what 4 year university to transfer to in order to finish up my undergraduate degree. I live in an area with many fine offerings:  Norfolk State University, Old Dominion University, Christopher Newport University, Hampton University, Virginia Wesleyan, and a few others.  However, what I heard today on Cathy’s show made my decision for me.  I listened with amazement as Dana Heller, Chair of the English Department and Old Dominion University and Ellen Neufeldt, Vice President for Student Engagement and Enrollment Services at Old Dominion University talked about the opening of a new floor in a dorm for LGBT students.  The housing will be called Lavender House and will open for students to live in the Fall of 2012.   

ODU will join other Virginia Universities that already offer LGBT housing (George Mason University and the University of Richmond).  Elsewhere in the area, only Duke University offers housing specifically for LGBT students.  This decision has led me to decide to finish my degree at ODU in the Spring of 2013.  I will not be living on campus, and will not need to utilize the Lavender House for my housing (Lovely Bluebell would not like that).  However, I want to go to school and get my degree from a university that is supportive of LGBT students, and ODU is leading the way here in Southeastern Virginia!! I am going to be an Old Dominion Monarch!

Please check out the websites for the GenderBlind campaign and give them your support.  This is an amazing program that needs more attention on the local and national level. Hopefully I have brought this issue to some people who, like me, had not previously heard about it.  By raising awareness we can help others!!

Born This Way? Born That way?

By: Carol Rood

We are all born a certain way. With a certain genetic code that decides what color hair we will have, how tall we will be, how stout. It tells us what color eyes we will have -hazel, green, brown or blue. Or in the case of my friend Tanja, one blue and one brown. Actually, Tanja has one blue eye and her other eye is half brown and half blue. Our DNA decides if we will be born with all of our body parts and brains fully functioning, or if we are missing a chromosome, or piece of DNA, it decides if we will have Down’s Syndrome, or autism, or any number of other genetic birth defects.

That being said, what about gender and sex? Of course we know our gender and sex are determined by our DNA. But what about sexual orientation?

Many will say that people CHOOSE to be gay or straight. Others say they are born gay or straight. I am not a scholar and I have not done enough research to determine if the scientific data supports either theory. All I can tell you is what people have told me.

I wrote last week about how I was a guest on a panel of LGBT people for a class at church. Our church teaches sexuality classes using a curriculum called Our Whole Lives. It is a wonderful curriculum that is age appropriate and divided into age groups such as 4-5 grade, 7-9 grade, 10-12 grade as well as adult classes. We are currently teaching a 7-9 grade class, and there is a session that is a guest panel of LGBT people. This is the final session of those discussing sexual orientation, gender, and stereotypes. I invited a young man who is 19 and came out as a gay male the summer before his senior year of high school, a young lady who came out a few weeks ago (she is a senior in high school) and a young man who is a senior and who has not completely come out yet, just to some friends. I decided I would put myself on the panel as a “back up” in case any of the young people didn’t show up. I prefer to have young people on the panel because they relate well to 7-9 grade kids.

It was prior to that class that I had the discussion about exactly what my sexuality is and one of the people I was talking to told me about Pansexuality.

I was very intrigued by what one of the guests on the panel had to say when he told his story. I am going to call him “GQ Dude”. If you have ever seen the handsome men on the cover of that magazine, you will get the picture. GQ Dude is 19 years old. He is very handsome and is NOTHING like a stereotypical gay male. He is athletic. He is not flamboyant at all. As a matter of fact he is not someone I would ever guess is gay if I were to meet him for the first time. I actually knew who this young man was, because he dated my best friend’s daughter for a short time a few years ago. His family lives in my neighborhood. I had never met him personally, but I knew his mom and dad.

GQ Dude was kind enough to come to the GLBT panel for my 7-9 graders, and he told us his story. He told us that after years of trying to fool himself by dating lots of young ladies, he came out the summer before his senior year. He said his friends all but abandoned him, and the church where his family had been worshiping for years turned their backs on him. He was told he was “going to hell”, and that they could “love him, but not his sin.”

He told us about how he spent weeks inside the house because his friends would not speak to him or answer his calls. He felt alone, betrayed, and abandoned. All because he decided to be honest about who he is.

It was at that point that he stopped himself, and said, “You know, I hear people say that gay people choose to be gay, but I am here to tell you that is not true. Why would I choose this lifestyle? Choose being discriminated against? Choose a lifestyle that made my friends and church family abandon me? Choose an orientation where I can’t even walk down the street holding my boyfriend’s hand? Who would choose that? Nobody would.”

GQ Dude articulated the thoughts that I believe MANY GLBT people have had. Why in the world would we CHOOSE to be born that way? A life of discrimination, ridicule, and being treated differently? A life where you can’t have a legally binding civil union or marriage (or whatever term you prefer to use) in most of the 50 states in this country. A lifestyle where you get bullied and picked on in school.

These are questions that anyone who believes that being gay is a choice should ask themselves. It would be much easier to be heterosexual. I think GQ Dude is absolutely right! You go dude!

Or, as my friend Lady GaGa says,
NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I’M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE
NO MATTER BLACK, WHITE OR BEIGE
CHOLA OR ORIENT MADE
I’M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO BE BRAVE

What is My Sexual Orientation Anyway???

By: Carol Rood

I have always been a bit different. Even in High School I didn’t have a group I “clicked” with. I had a different set of friends every year. I had lots of boyfriends during high school. If I didn’t have a boyfriend, I was looking for a boyfriend. I have always felt better when I am in a relationship with someone.

It never mattered to me if they had blonde hair, or brown hair, curly hair or straight hair. I didn’t care f they were Jewish or Christian, or Muslim. I also didn’t care if they were black or white or asian, or something else entirely. I was raised by parents who were not prejudiced. As a person who has experienced prejudice firsthand (people calling me names and throwing pennies at me because I am Jewish), I was open to being friends with anyone, regardless of their gender, religious affiliation or sexual orientation.

I graduated high school in January of my senior year and joined the Navy. I knew I didn’t want to go to college after graduation, and I also knew I needed a skill, so off to the Navy I went.

However before leaving for boot camp, I decided that I didn’t have enough freedom living with my parents and I moved out of my parents’ house and moved in with a friend who worked at the same grocery store I worked at.

During that time I wasn’t dating anyone, and a woman at the grocery store began pursuing me and wanted to date me. Strangely enough, this wasn’t a problem for me. It didn’t seem weird or different or unusual to me. Although that would be the norm for 2012, this was 1983, and things were different then. I had never met anyone who wasn’t heterosexual that I can remember, and although her being a lesbian was foreign to what I had experienced growing up, it didn’t bother me, or seem “weird”. We dated for a few months until I went to Boot Camp, and sadly while I was there she sent me a “Dear Jane” letter and broke my heart.

After graduating boot camp I went on to hospital corpsman school in Chicago, and dated young men while I was there. After graduating, I went to electroencephalogram technician (EEG Tech) school in Bethesda Maryland. It just so happened one of my classmates was a gay male (who later sadly died of AIDS), another was a lesbian, and another a bisexual girl. Thinking about it now, that is a high percentage of non heterosexually oriented people, since there were only 9 of us in the class. For 1/3 of us to be other than heterosexual is interesting. The other two women (the lesbian and bisexual woman) and I were the only women in the class, so we hung out together. We went to gay bars in DC, and I began dating women I met there, as well as men I met on base. I didn’t really have one exclusive relationship. I dated. I dated both men and women, although since I was in the military I had to keep the fact that I was dating women a secret.

When I graduated EEG Tech school I was stationed at Great Lakes Naval Hospital, and had relationships with women exclusively for about three years. During that time I met a really nice guy and started seeing him, and then had relationships exclusively with men for many, many years.

I met the man who is the father of my children during this time period, and was honest with him about my past relationships. He didn’t mind, and we were married for 8 years. For reasons that are a story for another time, the marriage ended, and a year later I started seeing my Lovely Bluebell.

We have been together for almost 8 years, and I am very happy, and satisfied in my relationship.

My reason for these thoughts is that a few days ago I was asked to speak on a GLBTQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer) panel, and was thinking about my sexual orientation. I happened to be sitting with some of the amazing people at my church and we were talking about my involvement in the panel. I was sharing about the fact that I don’t really feel comfortable with any of the “titles” for sexual orientation I knew about. I wasn’t really a lesbian, or heterosexual, and I never really felt comfortable calling myself a bisexual, (although I don’t know why, it just never felt like it was the right fit).

One of the people in the group (who happens to be a lesbian who just came out last month) said to me, “Oh, it sounds like you are Pan-sexual.”

I was like, wait, what??

I had my laptop with me, so I googled it.

JACKPOT!!

That fit! Here are some of the definitions I found:
From the Urban Dictionary:
“One who can love sexuality in many forms. Like bisexuality, but even more fluid, a pansexual person can love not only the traditional male and female genders, but also transgendered, androgynous, and gender fluid people.”

And from Wikipedia:
“Pansexuality, also referred to as omnisexuality,[1] refers to the potential for sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction towards persons of all gender identities and biological sexes.[2][3] Self-identified pansexuals may refer to themselves as gender-blind —that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[4] The Oxford English Dictionary writes that pansexuality is defined as “not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regards to gender or activity.”[5]
The concept of pansexuality deliberately rejects the gender binary, the “notion of two genders and indeed of specific sexual orientations”,[6] as pansexual people are open to relationships with people who do not identify as strictly men or women.[7] Pansexuality can also mean the attraction to a person’s personality, rather than their physical appearance or gender.”

I have been attracted to men, women, women who look like men, men who look like women, androgynous people, Asian, Caucasian, African American, all genders and ethnicities. I may have been attracted to Transgendered, transsexual, people and just not have known it. I am attracted to all kinds of people, and I plan on being with Lovely Bluebell forever, but I have learned the hard way that life doesn’t always work out the way I planned. If Lovely Bluebell and I were to ever decide to end our relationship, I don’t know what kind of person I may be in a relationship with.

So from now on if I am asked what I consider my sexual orientation to be, I will say, “I am an Omnisexual.”

That might start some interesting conversations….

Valentine’s Day Date??

By: Carol Rood

Valentine’s Day. My Lovely Bluebell and I are about to celebrate an anniversary in April, and in all the years we have been together, we have never celebrated Valentine’s Day.

You know, now that I think about it, that is actually not accurate. We did celebrate Valentine’s Day once. Just once. I got my Lovely Bluebell some flowers and a stuffed animal, and she got me……nothing. So I made sure she knew she had forgotten to get me something, and then she went out and bought me a stuffed animal and some chocolates. Me being the sweet, forgiving person that I am, I gave them right back to her. Of course she was across the room when I gave them (read: threw them) back to her. The way I look at it, you can’t go get me something AFTER I remind you it is Valentine’s Day and that you forgot. At that point the gesture is meaningless.

So after that incident, we just didn’t participate in the day. Sometimes we would get each other cards, but that was the extent. No gifts, no dates, nothing. It wasn’t really discussed, I guess we just decided without needing to talk about it.

So you can imagine my Lovely Bluebell’s surprise when I turned to her last week and said, “Hey, do you want to go to dinner next week for Valentine’s Day?” She looked a bit shocked and said, “Do you want to?” My response: “Sure, I guess.”

I have to admit I don’t think it was really about Valentine’s Day, but more about the fact that we had not had a date night in a while and as the parents of three teenaged boys, we NEED date nights. I suppose I was just thinking Valentine’s Day is a good excuse to go out to dinner.

After that conversation I put it out of my mind, but apparently I was the only one who did that. Poor Lovely Bluebell must have been worried (she was probably having flashbacks), because within a couple of days I was told I needed to cancel Joe Cool’s guitar lesson so we wouldn’t be late for our dinner reservation.

I had forgotten about THE Valentine’s Day disaster of many years ago. I must have triggered some latent guilt trip, because dinner reservations were made lickety split! It is surprising to me because usually I am the social planner. Lovely Bluebell didn’t waste any time making reservations. AND she made them at our favorite Indian restaurant!

So ladies and gentlemen, I guess the lesson learned here is never underestimate the power of a tossed teddy bear. It can do wonders for date nights for years to come.

Boy Scouts Are Not So Bad

By: Carol Rood

We missed our weekly Boy Scout meeting last night. I spent the weekend dealing with my my lovely K’s illness and driving boys around. K developed an intestinal problem (we will leave it at that) on Saturday night and was able to tolerate toast by yesterday afternoon. I developed some cold symptoms yesterday morning, and was unable to muster enough energy to get the boys to Scouts last night. The youngest son, The Brain, had spent the weekend camping, so he was okay with that. His older brother, Joe Cool, would rather play the PS3 anyway, so he didn’t seem to mind either.

Yesterday in the mid afternoon I sent an email to the Scout leader letting him know that Bluebell and I were both sick and that the boys would not be at Scouts that evening. He thanked me for leaving our germs at home.  That got me thinking about our Scout troop.  Bluebell and I have been attending events, Court of Honor, Popcorn sales, Spaghetti dinners, etc together with this troop for four years.  She and I pick up the boys, drop off the boys, drive them to camp outs, either together or separately.  None of the adult leaders has ever had a negative thing to say to us or our boys about the “same genderedness” of our relationship.  We never hide the fact that we are a family.  It is not swept under the rug; it is out in the open.

Then I started thinking about other families I know that have same-gendered parents whose sons are in Boy Scouts.  My friend S. has a son in another Scout troop in our area. She is a trained leader.  She attends all of the camp outs and leads the boys.  She is married to her female partner.  The troop leaders know this, and they have no problem with it.  (I am not going to name the troops so they don’t get any pressure from outside groups to change their behavior.)  She is an openly lesbian woman in a leadership position with a Boy Scout troop.

There is a new family at my church.  They are also a lesbian-led family.  Two moms, and boys in Scouts.  They are new, so I have not had an opportunity to have a long discussion with her about how the troop treats them, however, I did learn that her boys are very active in their troop, so I am curious…

I have also found a blog I LOVE to read called “Doorknobs That Lock”.  They are a two-mom family with a son the same age as Joe Cool who is also very active in Boy Scouts.  They live in a state that allows legal marriage and they are legally married!  YAY!  Their son is active in a Boy Scout troop with two moms who are legally marred to each other.  That troop is also doing the right thing.

All of this made me wonder if the Boy Scouts of America are really homophobic –or are they just against men who are gay being involved in Boy Scouts?  Most of the stories I have seen online and heard about talk about males getting asked to leave the BSA due to being openly gay.  So I am thinking maybe gay women are less threatening? The thought that gay men are predators towards boys is a myth of the nastiest kind and has no actual factual basis.  In fact, Psychology Today published an article on September 15, 2008 which states, “In reality, abuse of boys by gay pedophiles is rare, and the abuse of girls by lesbians is rarer still.”  Maybe the troops who ousted gay leaders need to read that article.

I have come to the conclusion that the Boy Scouts of America is not a bad organization as a whole.  Quite possibly the troops in the area where I live are more progressive and are trying to be realistic in their allowing gay people to lead the boys in the troops.  I suppose they believe that if we can lead our young men at home, we can lead them in a troop. I applaud the Boy Scout troops in our area, and also the one in New Hampshire that M attends.  They are people who know that sexual orientation does not affect the content of your character.

And if we need any more proof of how a same-gender-led household can raise an Eagle Scout, we only have to look at Zach Wahls:

The Next Family Interview- Carol Rood

An Interview with Carol Rood by The Next Family

TNF: How has it been blogging for TNF?

First, I want to say that it was very interesting to me how I ended up blogging for TNF. I started blogging in February 2011 with my blogging partner Susan, and we really wanted to be part of BlogHer. I had never heard of BlogHer so I was checking them out and saw a post by Madge looking for writers for TNF. I inquired about writing and was asked to submit an article I had written. I don’t actually remember what article I sent her, but I was absolutely THRILLED when I was asked to become part of TNF as a writer. I have to admit I have been “late” with my articles a couple of times, and the staff at TNF is so pleasant and polite, and they never fuss at me. They accept me even with my faults, and I LOVE being a part of such an amazing group of writers. The writers here at TNF are so talented. Reading their articles makes me feel so many emotions. Everything from laughter to tears, to surprise to anger at some of the injustices I have read about. Being a part of this amazing group of writers and staff makes me feel very honored indeed!

TNF: How is your family like every other family and how is it different?

My family is like every other family in that we are a strange bunch. I think every family is comprised of a group of people who alternately loves and despises each other, sometimes on an hourly basis. Just kidding! Really though, my kids fight like cats and dogs yet are fiercely loyal to each other. We like to do things together, but also enjoy our individual free time. We love each other, and to me that is what matters the most! I could say we are different because we are a stepfamily, but that is pretty common these days. Or I could say that we are different because we are a two-mom family, but there are tons of those these days too, so I guess we are different than other families because we have three cats, one dog, and some fish. I am assuming most families have fewer animal friends than we do.

TNF: Did your family accept you and your lifestyle?

My family was ambivalent about my choosing to live with and be in a relationship with a woman, but they were never homophobic or angry about it. It was not part of what they were exposed to growing up and it didn’t feel quite “right” to them. However, my parents have always loved and supported me.

TNF: What lessons do you feel are the most important to teach children in this day and age? Are there any lessons that we should help them unlearn?

I think that children are born without prejudice and without meanness. I think they learn prejudice and bigotry from their environment. I think one of the most important things we can teach our children is acceptance. I know the buzz word is tolerance, but I don’t think that goes far enough. I don’t want anyone to “tolerate” me. I want them to accept me. I want my children to know that every human being has inherent worth and dignity. That every human being is a person of value. Sometimes it is hard to see, especially if they are bullying you or being mean to you. However unless we truly believe that every person has value, it will be easy for us to treat them badly also. I want my kids to have self respect and to spread love and patience, not hate and distrust. If they can learn that, they will be able to pass those lessons on to their own children, and we can affect the world in a positive way!

TNF: Any words of wisdom to pass on to our readers?

I hate to c=sound like a “hippy”, but I truly believe that the way to change the world is through love, patience, and positive affirmations of others. If we can do something every day to brighten the world of another human being we have done a good thing. Sometimes even just a simple acknowledgement. Think what a positive affirmation a cheerful greeting and a smile can be to someone who feels “invisible” or unloved! A simple kind gesture can go a LONG way!!

TNF: Anything you want our readers to know about you and your family?

That we are like every other family. The fact that two moms instead of a mom and a dad lead our family has absolutely NOTHING to do with the value or worth of our family. We love each other, fight with each other, enjoy each other, and want space from each other, just like every other family. We are unique individuals who are sharing this life with each other. We don’t want to receive any special treatment, we just want to be treated like every other family!

Thank you Carol for blogging for us.  It has been wonderful having you involved with The Next Family! 

Scared of the Wii Fit

By: Carol Rood

The holidays are over. Our busy lives filled with school, college, sports practices, and music lessons can resume. This morning as the kids went out the door –the youngest in a rush because he overslept, the middle one in a tizzy because I asked why he didn’t get started on a school project due on Friday, and the oldest running late due to bed head –I sighed with relief that they all made it to the bus on time and knew that tomorrow morning would be better. Now to feed the animals, and make a cup of coffee, then on to the most dreaded thing I have to do today……

Get on the Wii Fit and see what damage the holidays did to me.

In October I went to see my doctor for my annual physical and she told me my cholesterol was a little high, but that my sugar was “pretty high” and that I really needed to get it down. So I began tweaking my diet and exercising more. We were already eating pretty healthy so my diet really didn’t require a major overhaul, and for that I am grateful. However, in addition to tweaking, I also increased the days I exercise. I had results! I lost 11 pounds. I was ecstatic. The goal was to lose 10 more before my next visit to the doctor at the end of Jan/beginning of Feb. I was well on my goal and then…

The holidays rolled in. I was very good on Thanksgiving, exercising up until the big day, eating what I wanted on that day and back to normal the day after. Black Friday was indeed black with no leftovers except for turkey…

I even did well the first couple of weeks of December, but as the days went by, my days at the gym decreased as busy-ness increased, and we went out a few times, and then the worst happened: I ignored the Wii Fit for 18 days.

Have you ever used the Wii Fit? After a few days of non-use your little character (called a Mii) starts sleeping. When you get back on the Wii, the machine even chastises you. “Oh, it’s you. Where have you been? Do you know it has been 18 days since you were last here?” Really?? The Wii Fit is a merciless task master, it scolds when you don’t weigh in often enough.

So I climb on the board, close my eyes, and hope for the best. The results weren’t awful, but also NOT what I wanted to see. I wanted to see that by some miracle, eating out and not exercising had helped me to lose weight. HA! Not so buddy boy! I am right there with the average American in that I gained 1.5 pounds.

So it is back to Greek yogurt and the gym for me today. I have 6 weeks to lose 8 more pounds. I will let you know how it turns out! Cross your fingers for me!

Next Page »