International Family Equality Day

By: Joey Uva Enoch

This past Sunday, May 6, 2012, LGBTQ families around the world celebrated the first annual International Family Equality Day.  The day of celebrations officially started off in Helsinki, Finland ending with the closing celebration in Los Angeles, California.

In celebration of the day, the Southern California Pop Luck Club held an International Family Equality Day Picnic for its members and other LGBTQ families at Lake Hollywood Park.  Trevor and I attended with Grace to celebrate with the other members and families that came out.  It was a beautiful afternoon and really great to see all the parents there with their children to celebrate the day.   It was also nice to see those who had friends or extended family come with them in support; those individuals do a lot to help us make our voices heard.

Hopefully this yearly event will grow both globally and nationally in order to bring more visibility to the growing numbers of LGBTQ families and help pave the way for greater social acceptance and equality for all families.  Our families and our children deserve that.

Video by: John Ireland, Pop Luck Club Member

How May 6th became International Family Equality Day:

In July 2011, LGBTQ family activists from around the world gathered for the first ever International Symposium of LGBTQ parenting organizations. The symposium provided an opportunity to establish ongoing international cooperation in areas such as research, visibility and advocacy, and the development of resources and programs for LGBTQ families worldwide. One of the key outcomes was the establishment of the first International Family Equality Day to take place on Sunday, May 6, 2012.

To read more and to see which countries participated in this global event you can visit  - International Family Equality Day

 

The Pool

By: Joey Uva Enoch

Our new house has a pool.  And, not just a pool, a pretty large pool with tiles that look like swim lanes and a diving board.  We weren’t sure how deep the pool was at the diving board end or what the legal requirements were back when it was built.  I took a tape measure and crawled to the end of the diving board to measure.  The pool is 8 ½ feet deep at the deep end and about 3 feet at the shallow end.

I never had a pool as a kid.  My brothers and I would frequent the local High School pool in the summer time if we wanted to go swimming.  It was free to the local kids in the neighborhood.

Grace is all about the new pool; she loves the water and loves to swim.  This past weekend she was in the pool on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  On Friday, when we got home, she immediately wanted to go swimming.  I had partially finished mowing the front lawn for the first time and I told her I needed to finish that before we could go swimming.  I mowed the lawn and she swept the sidewalk.  She was very happy to help knowing that some pool time was right after.

I got up early on Saturday morning to clean the pool as Trevor and Grace both remained sleeping.  I had promised Grace a pool day, and it was going to be a perfect swimming day with temperatures in the 90’s.  We also had a couple friends coming over to see the house and enjoy a couple hours by the pool.  Our friend Cary took his first dip in the pool by jumping off the diving board.  He reminisced about his childhood, spending entire summer days in his home pool until his eyes were red, being completely exhausted and going to bed without a shower because he was so water logged.  I loved hearing that story.  It’s funny because I thought about how so many of my friends have come from very different backgrounds but yet here we are able to share and enjoy our lives together.  It also made me wonder what memories Grace will have of this time and the days ahead.  One thing I know we will all remember is, while we were swimming on Saturday we had a pretty large Mallard Duck decide that he needed a break from flight and landed right in the pool.  Our mouths were all open in shock and before we could snap a picutre, our dog Rex headed straight for the him and he flew off into the sky.

I think I am as fascinated with the pool as Grace is, I think for some of the same reasons and some different.  Grace wants me in the water with her, she wants to dive together, swim from one end to the other, and go underwater in the deep end.  I love having this quality time with her.  I love that Trevor and I get to share this experience.  I love that our friends and family will get to share in pool fun times with us as well.

I feel like a big kid with a new toy and I want to share it!

The Third Quarter

By: Joey Uva Enoch

 

I feel like I am beginning the third quarter of my life.  I moved from Oklahoma to California exactly 25 years ago.  I moved from the center of Los Angeles with the hustle and bustle of it all to the West Valley on my twenty-fifth anniversary in California, on the very same weekend that I first moved to California.

I feel my life is becoming much more peaceful.  I’m not sure if it’s the more mature me, the more spiritual me, or simply something that happens as you age and grow into a more rounded individual.

I am finding that some of the things in life that I found so important when I was younger simply aren’t anymore.  I am finding the things I took for granted when I was younger are now becoming more important to me.

I am finding it easier to let the opinions of others be exactly that, their opinion.  But, I also find myself putting on their shoes to try and understand why they might think or feel they way they do.

I have become much more comfortable in my own skin.  I find myself more interested in the differences in people and find myself driven to understand them.

I am finding it easier to let those little things that are not so important fall by the wayside and just let life be.  I am becoming more patient.  I am finding it easier to let life happen, to focus on the things I can control and let the universe take care of the things I have no control over.

I feel I am entering the best days of my life.  I am only four years from fifty and find myself becoming more at peace with life and who I am -the third quarter.   I wouldn’t change anything that I have been through as it has all brought me to today.

Our New Home

By: Joey Uva Enoch

We did it!  We bought our first house!  Trevor and I have been talking about buying a home together since our second anniversary.  We’ve had various obstacles in our way (or, maybe we have allowed them to get in our way) of us buying a home together.  It’s been a few years of delays, but we finally did it.

Last Thursday, we officially closed escrow and received the keys to our new home.  We are over the moon crazy happy!  We invited a few close friends over to share in a champagne cheers with us as we opened the door to our new house for the very first time.

We have been slowly packing over the last couple of weeks.  This past Sunday we spent the rainy day inside our new home painting Grace’s bedroom based on her color choices.  The wood floors are just a couple days away from being completed.  We still have a lot left to pack and things to do before our big move this week.

Our first goal for 2012 was to purchase a home to call our very own.  Three months into 2012 we have accomplished that goal.

Off to pack, clean, move and decorate… more to follow…

The Rock

By: Joey Uva Enoch

Well the “Rock” finally made it!  If you live in California, you have been hearing about this 340-ton boulder for months.  If you don’t live in California, or you haven’t heard about LACMA’s new art installation “Levitated Mass”, it’s a huge boulder that has traveled for eleven days, through various Southern California counties to finally find its new home at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.  The “Rock” will be installed in an exhibit where you will be able to walk under a pathway from where the rock will be suspended.

Living only two blocks from LACMA, I thought it would be great to introduce Grace to this.  She could see it as it just arrived and then we could see the exhibit when it’s finally completed.  Last week I told Grace that we would be having a “Pajama Rock Viewing Breakfast” which would consist of us leaving the house in our pajamas when we woke up on Saturday morning to see the rock as it arrived, followed by breakfast out.  I think Grace was more excited by getting to leave the house in her pajamas for breakfast than going to see a rock.  Regardless, I explained the rock’s eleven-day journey, how much it weighed, and what the museum planned to do with it.

On Saturday morning at 6:30am we walked over to LACMA.  The boulder was on a huge custom built transportation vehicle that was made just for the journey.  The custom vehicle was said to have 196 wheels to help distribute the weight of the rock to prevent damage to the roads while it was traveling.  Trevor asked Grace, “How many elephants do you think it takes to weigh 340 tons?” I could see Grace’s mind spinning until she said, “How many tons does one elephant weigh?”  We had to Google it later; one grown male elephant can weigh between six and eight tons.  So that rock is about as heavy as fifty grown elephants!  Grace commented on how big the rock was and seemed fascinated that we would be able to walk under it one day as we looked at the cement pathway that was being constructed for it.  I still think she liked being out in her pajamas for breakfast more.

I am looking forward to taking Grace back to visit the “Levitated Mass” once it’s fully constructed.  And, who knows, maybe one day when she is all grown up she’ll look back and remember the day the “Rock” arrived at LACMA.  The day we got to wear our pajamas to breakfast just to see a rock.

An Interview with Joey Uva

Interview with Joey Uva by The Next Family

TNF: How has it been blogging for TNF?

Blogging for The Next Family has been a wonderful and enlightening experience for me. It’s been almost two years since I started writing. I didn’t consider myself a writer. When I initially started, I thought I would focus solely on my experiences with my daughter, but as my writing unfolded, it hit all aspects of my life -family, friends, my past and present, everything that has lead to the family I have today.

I never went into blogging thinking about impacting others or having my words resonate with someone. When I wrote my childhood story “I Will Never Walk Away”, it was difficult to know many might read it but it was also very cathartic to sit down and actually put it on “paper”. When I received comments back on that post, both written and verbal from people who read it, I realized that being open about some of the harder experiences in my life can be empowering to those that may have experienced the same.

TNF: How is your family like every other family and how is it different?

I would say we are probably more similar than we are different. We have daily routines. We are a household with two working parents. We spend time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews. We go to the park, visit friends, have reading time, attend school functions, and do all those things that parents do.

On a recent trip to Sea World, there was a husband and wife with their three kids standing in line. They asked Trevor and me if we could take a picture of their family. Trevor took their picture. About a minute later the family behind them, a husband and wife with their son, looked at Trevor and me with Grace and asked if we would like a picture of our family taken. We handed them our camera, they took a picture and commented what a beautiful family we are. I would like to say we are more similar than different and I am hoping more and more people understand that like the family we just encountered did.

TNF: Did your family accept you and your lifestyle? If yes, explain and if not explain what you have done to help them to accept your decisions and your lifestyle.

We are lucky that most of our family is very open and accepting. There is a lot of love in our family and we all support one another. I would say that my mother struggles a bit with her religious beliefs and my being gay. I have a told her face to face that she’ll need to accept me as I am. I do know when I’ve seen her look at her granddaughter that all those concerns fade away in their interaction with each other; in those moments I would say that is truly God because that is love.

TNF: How do you juggle the work at home with your jobs?

I hope I don’t get any backlash for this one. Working for a major bank, I can say I did get some grief from some of my bosses. One in particular always called me out on the days I dropped my daughter off at school or picked her up from after school care. The other three ladies I worked with were moms and it was acceptable for them but me being a man (dad) did not go over well. That was one thing I wasn’t going to stand for and made sure it was known. I can say things changed from there on out.

TNF: What lessons do you feel are the most important to teach children in this day and age? Are there any lessons they, or perhaps we as parents should unlearn?

Empathy is a huge one for me. I think children learning true empathy from early on could change the dynamics of human relationships. I have never liked the word “tolerance” used when dealing with another human being; it’s just sounds like it’s forcing one to accept someone else without understanding. I think part of understanding is knowledge and with knowledge comes empathy.

TNF: Any words of wisdom to pass on to our readers?

I’m not really the great wisdom master here but I would say, all parents have been there at some point. We do the best we can and make it through.

I remember when Grace was four years old, Trevor and I took her to the Long Beach Aquarium. We were standing in line for lunch; it was just past her lunch time and the lines where horrendous. As we stood there waiting, Grace fell to the floor whining. A mother looked over at me and smiled. I said, “She’s having a meltdown, we are past her lunch time.” The mother looked at me and said, “If that is her meltdown, you are doing a damn good job!” That made my day and made me realize just do the best you can and all will be alright.

TNF: Anything you want our readers to know about you or your family?

When I was sixteen and in high school I had an experience that changed my life for the better and made me believe in the possibilities. My twelfth grade English teacher assigned us a book report for our year-end project. We had three options, one of which was to create a mural about the book with a five page essay. The book I read was about a young man who drove an ice truck and the story of his life and tribulations. I wrote an essay and created a mural that was picture on top of picture of the young man’s life and how it progressed; it was the size of a front door. While I was working on a Friday night, my teacher called my work to speak with me. She said, “You don’t know this but I know the author from your book project and we just had dinner. I showed your mural to him. He thinks it’s amazing and asked if he could have it for his collection.” So, not only did I get an “A” on the project but the author of the book has my mural too. I have never met him but that had a huge impact on my believing in the possibilities. One person has the ability to make a huge difference, it’s a lesson I learned a long time ago. I guess that could go for blogging too now that I think about it.

Simple Sunday

By: Joey Uva Enoch

This past Sunday Trevor, Grace, and I had a great afternoon on the ocean.  Our friends Nick and Micheal invited us for a lunch time boat ride just off the coast of Long Beach.

We started off the day with a very cloudy and cold Sunday morning.  Grace was extremely excited about our planned boat ride, she even made sure to let me know that her outfit for the day had to be something “ocean like”; she picked her penguin t-shirt from Sea World to wear.  She also remembered that I said we must leave at 9:15am in the morning and promptly let me know when we had missed our deadline by a few minutes.  “We need to hurry!” she exclaimed.  We all bundled up, packed some items for lunch and drove down to Long Beach.  As we arrived at the Shoreline Village Marina we noticed the clouds were breaking up a bit. It looked like we might get a little sun.

As we were heading out to sea, the clouds all lifted and the sky became clear and bright.  This is kind of the same feeling I had about being on the boat.  The boat was peaceful and water has always been so relaxing to me.  It cleared my mind of all the clouds that I let fill it with schedules, tasks, and things that needed to get done.  Grace was beyond excited, she was all over the boat.  She lay on the little triangle bed that was housed in the front of the cabin saying how great it was to feel the boat move while lying down and relaxing.  She sat on the back deck of the boat enjoying the fresh ocean air with her hair blowing in the wind.  She sat on the small upper deck and took advantage of the spectacular view.  Trevor got a lesson from Michael on how to captain the boat.  He loves being the driver when in the car so captain of the boat would be right up his alley.

As we approached noon, Nick made tuna sandwiches for lunch which we had along with some other goodies that were placed on the small dining table in the cabin.  What could be better than a little lunch, a good glass of wine, great friends and family on a sunny Sunday boat ride?  I was in heaven.  At this point I wasn’t sure who was enjoying the boat ride more.  I’m sure we each had our own little sense of where our joy at that moment came from but sharing the experience together was definitely the best part.

Sometimes I let my mind get flooded with all the responsibilities of life, all that has to be done and the challenges that come with that.  It’s times like this, when a boat ride on a beautiful day reminds me of what a great life I have and how lucky I truly am.  It’s nice to let everything go for a few hours and enjoy the beauty of a simple Sunday boat ride.

What’s in a Name?

 

 

Trevor and I recently became domestic partners.  We have talked for a couple years about getting married and thought we’d wait until it was legal again in California for same sex couples to get married.  We both still very much want to get married but don’t want to wait on California. We have many plans and things we want to accomplish for ourselves and our family.  Today is here and we can’t wait on tomorrow to get moving on our life plans.

With the process of buying our first home (we are currently in escrow) in full swing and our adoption certification in mid stream, we really need to continue to make the life we want for ourselves in all areas.

With our domestic partnership we decided to take the option of changing our last names in the process.  We combined our two last names, mine being “Uva” and Trevor’s being “Enoch”, so now our last names are officially “Uva Enoch”, I personally like the way it sounds.

We had many people who thought it was great and congratulated us on taking each other’s name.  We also had a few people who thought it was a bit odd and maybe old school to take on each other’s names.  We both appreciate our given surnames.  I am very aware of how my surname came to be and its travels to the United States from Italy; I appreciate all that it represents.

For Trevor and me, combining our last names was not just a statement of our dedication to each other and our relationship, it’s much more.  It represents our families who have joined together, the family we are creating, the future of our family and the life we are building together.  We are equal in our jouney together in this great thing called life.

So today and going forward, I give you,

Joseph Uva Enoch & Trevor Uva Enoch

Seven and Change

By: Joey Uva

 

Grace just turned seven last week.  It’s hard to believe how fast the years have gone.  We’ve been through good times, challenges, great times, and hard times but none of that has been able to stop the hand of time.

It has been said that every seven years begins a new cycle within one’s lifetime, and that every cell in your body changes within a seven-year period.  The first seven years of life are said to be the foundation for growth and change, where language, concepts, structure, ideas, instincts of hunger, and the need for love and protection are developed.  The first seven years of life set us up for the next seven-year cycle.

Grace is now entering the second seven years of her life; lots of changes are on the horizon.  The second seven years of life are considered the cycle of continuous growth.  The development of a sense of right and wrong and social responsibility starts to really develop.  We broaden in our experiences and test our abilities of the outside world, much different than our previous inner world development.  The beginning of new maturity approaches as we start to reach puberty and adolescence.  We grow physically and physiologically.  It is said that the habits learned in the first seven years of life are now part of the character of the growing child.

Grace is changing.  She’s more independent, she knows her likes and dislikes and is beginning to develop more self confidence.  I know she’ll mature and grow and this I hope I am ready for.  This is a new cycle for me too.  I have a new experience in life to be had along with her.  I pray the habits she takes with her as she grows into adolescence are good ones.  I pray that she becomes a responsible, socially conscience and empathetic person as she enters into this new phase of life.

Our daughter is no longer the little girl we knew at three, four, or five.  She is changing and growing.  She makes me proud to be a father and my love for her will be here for all the change yet to come.

A Home of Our Own

By: Joey Uva

My “To Do List” for 2012 is packed full of things I want to accomplish.  One of the things at the top of the list is to buy a house.  If you would have asked me in my twenties or early thirties if I wanted to buy my own home, I would have said no.

Growing up my parents never owned their own home.  We were always renters and tended to move from house to house –even states a couple times, for that matter.  The idea of having my own home wasn’t something my parents ever talked about, asked me about, or even suggested.

I like stability.  I have been working for the same company for eighteen years come this February.  I have been with Trevor for almost six years and we are on the fifth year of living where we do now.

Now, at forty-five years of age I find myself dreaming and driven to buy my (our) own home.  I want a home to call ours.  I want to expand our family.  I want to hear the kids playing in the back yard.  I want to rake the leaves off the grass.  I want to walk out and check the mail.  I want to water whatever we choose to plant and grow.  I want to have friends and family come to “our” home.  I want a home that Trevor, myself, Grace and all of our family can enjoy.  I want what most people consider part of the “American Dream”, a home of our own.

I have asked myself many times why my idea of owning a home has changed.  I think it’s because I have changed.  If you really think about it, how much permanence or stability do we have in our lives?  If I look back ten or twenty years, many of my friends have changed, my partners were uncertain, I was single, I had no children, I was in a constant state of change and personal evolution.

Today, I feel solid.  I feel grounded.  I feel it has all been part of my journey to get where I am now.  Now, I want a home of my own.

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