By: Rosy Barren
I went to the doctor today without my wife. She had to work. I didn’t need her to go since he was just going to “take a look”. He did an ultra sound and then pushed back in his chair, threw his gloves in the trash and said “I want to do a pregnancy test”. I asked about the HCG shot and he said, it won’t affect it, it’s been long enough and this is a good one. I wondered if I knew where this was going given my results last night but I didn’t dare assume anything. I took the test and he instructed me to wait in the lobby. I sat, fidgeting, didn’t read any of the magazines. I know everyone by name at this private practice, they have been routing for us with every try for over 2 years now. There were only 3 people in the office (it was lunch hour), Maria the nurse, who has given me many shots in the ass, has seen me cry, has drawn my blood month after month, CC, the receptionist who has asked after every try, who knows my voice every time I call and swears that I will get pregnant and finally my doctor, who knows my dog, my wife, my fears, my anxiety and every square inch of my uterus. I sat staring at the little window that led me to the footsteps and voices behind the closed doors. CC didn’t look up, didn’t talk to me like she has every single time I’ve sat waiting, come to think of it, I’ve never had to read a magazine because I usually cozy up to that tiny window and chat until I’m called by the nurse. Today, silence. 3 minutes of silence. It was somber.
I heard my doctor’s voice calling me into his office, it was shaking and I tried to read into every syllable. I slowly picked myself up off the coach with tears in my eyes and opened the door. I saw Maria at the end of the hall and her eyes immediately shiftd down to the floor. The walk to his office seemed endless, I rounded the corner to see him, his arms open and a smile on his face. “Congratulations, you’re pregnant”.
I can’t properly describe that moment but Maria had to hold me up as tears blurred my vision, I stopped
“Are you sure?, are you really sure?”
“But the HCG, do we need to wait for a blood test”
“No, you’re pregnant”
“I have to call my wife”
Maria handed me the phone…voicemail
“Honey, I’m pregnant, I’m here and I’m pregnant, I can’t believe it, we’re finally pregnant.”
I didn’t even say goodbye, I handed the phone back to Maria and stood stunned.
My doctor handed me a scrap of paper
“Go buy me breakfast cuz your pregnant”
So I did, I turned around and went across the street to the place that I have gotten a croissant or cookie or coffee after every appointment for 2 years. This block has become my home. I stood in line gripping that small slip of paper trying not to cry. I sat alone at a table until my doctor’s breakfast was ready. I know why he sent me on a food run, he couldn’t cry, he was my doctor, he had to be strong but this was a big moment for him too. He is like our family, he offers to dog sit, we’ve met his daughters, we have all been in this together. I dropped the breakfast off, hugged him and raced to the car to call my wife again.
I had no phone. I don’t think there has ever been a day that I have forgotten my phone at home. I drove 45 minutes back to our house in tears of complete and total joy. We are pregnant.