By: Heather Somaini
Ok, so you’ve gotten the CliffsNotes version of my whirlwind romance with Tere. How she flew up to San Francisco on a whim, kicked me to the curb over my bad behavior and somehow survived my long, drawn-out proposal. But one thing I “forgot” to tell you about was The Bet.
You see, within the very early halcyon days of seeing each other, Tere accepted a phone call from one of her closest friends. Her friend – let’s call him Chris because that’s his name – wanted to know why she had thrown caution to the wind over someone she had JUST met. Chris was very concerned that Tere was getting in over her head with this perfect stranger. You see, Tere had a habit of moving very quickly in relationships and Chris wanted her to take her time in getting to know me.
Oh, did I mention that I was in the car when she took this call on the speakerphone? At first, I thought it would be funny to listen in, but as the conversation quickly escalated, I realized that I was falling for a serial-monogamist. You all know who they are – the girl that meets you, calls you immediately and wants to move in together after two months. Uh-oh – not what I wanted. The last thing I needed was a “U-Hauler” from Long Beach even if she had a nice house in Belmont Shore!
So I suggested to Tere that maybe we create some rules or guidelines around our courtship. Those rules ultimately looked something like this:
1. No more than 2 dates per week.
2. No more than 2 overnights per week.
3. If you stay overnight on a Saturday, the “date” must end no later than 6:00pm on Sunday.
4. No saying “I Love You” for at least 4 months.
5. No extravagant gifts.
6. No overnight out of town weekend getaways.
7. No moving in with each other for at least 1 year.
Now, by the time the rules began to shape up, I had actually met Chris and he didn’t think I was half bad but I had also met John, who knew I was half bad. John and I both recognized that Tere had limited self-control and wouldn’t survive long with all these rules. She was too far down the road, but we had hope.
To make the game a bit more fun, John and I decided to amp up the stakes – we turned it into a bet. I have no idea why Tere went along with it. I was completely conflicted. No matter which way it went, I would “win”. John and I were essentially on one side and Tere on the other. There was no chance she was going to last and we knew it so we took full advantage. Tere had to follow all of the rules and if she broke any of them, she would be required to buy John a new road bike and me an Armani suit for the upcoming GLAAD Awards.
Harsh, I know. But at this point, would you expect anything less? You wouldn’t have any respect for me if I didn’t pull little stunts like this.
Tere lasted three weeks. Only three weeks. She tried so hard but ultimately could not persevere with the weight of the rules on her shoulders. She broke on a Friday night in my tiny West Hollywood apartment when she uttered those three little words “I love you”.
She knew it was over and she had lost but I suppose in the end, she won. But boy, I still look good in that charcoal grey Armani suit.
Very crafty and cruel for sure…I must admit I am with Tere on this one ;-).
Tere good for you- rules are made to be broken!
Amen to that!!
LOL! It did seem unfair at the time but Tere needed something substantial at stake to at least try to slow things down a bit. The fact she made it three weeks was a victory for my sweet Tere, but of course I made her pay up! 🙂
And yes Heather, your are so bad you are good 🙂 And yes, the suit is fab and obviously the biggest victory is the beautiful family you both have now!
Hugz!
Hilarious!
Did you say “I love you” back? Or just say “Ha Ha. I won. Na na ni boo boo”?
I think I said something along the lines of “Oh my God I can’t believe you just did that!?&%”
Both of you are so funny as well as your friends Chris and John. I easily would have broken the bet. Unless it was a control issue and then I probably would have balked when you first proposed those rules and say f…. you and your f….. rules. But clearly each of you had a plan of your own.
You guys both won, for sure. Too many parameters for the bet though! Too easy to slip on just one or two simple romantic guidelines. And talk about delayed gratification.
Hmmmm…..serial-monogamist….gosh, that term sounds so familiar and I wonder who first used that terminology (from a lifetime ago).
She may have lost the “bet” but it appears that you BOTH won in the end.
I am really enjoying this blog.
Hard to call Tere a “loser” in this case… or in ANY case.
FYI: If you ever get sick of that Armani suit, I’d be happy to give it a good home.
“Armani” and “a new road bike”. eh? Sweet!!!! Yet I can’t help but wonder in that specific moment who was the happiest? Nice going Tere….Sweet indeed!!
Thanks D-Man!! You know me well!!
Tere, I would have dragged the bike and suit out for a very long time….but I do admit this is a funny story and have been great reading thanks Heather katie
Not long before all those rules were broken – I bet.
This is just too good to not become a sitcom or a movie! Love it
I wish I were in on that bet. A new bike would be nice! Or anything Armani.
Heather, you have a real gift for writing. I am always eager to read your next entry. xooxoxox
Here’s to one over 17. Onward to 100.
Ok, Kimberly – like I told you this morning, you’re like barely 5 feet tall, how in the world would my Armani suit EVER fit you!!!