By: Brandy Black
Every time I say it’s over, it’s not. “Don’t get too cocky.” They all said it; why didn’t I listen?
So we’re going on a trip out of the country soon and we need to get a passport for our daughter. I dug the birth certificate out and gave it to Susan and off they went to the post office. I wasn’t there for this adventure but Susan came home a bit beaten up with an adorable picture of Sophia and no luck at the post office; apparently they needed both of us there. The real reason she was worn down was because our little treasure of a daughter had a fit and peed all over the floor of our fine government building. Susan said she was careful not to get her sparkly shoes and Minnie Mouse dress wet but the tights were soaked.
The next day, Susan picked Sophia up early from school and I met them at the post office so that both parents could represent. There was no line, which was rather surprising for the Hollywood location, but when we got to the window, the disgruntled employee took one look at Sophia’s picture and made a face.
“Take the barrette out of her hair,” Susan whispered.
Susan explained that the day before some guy told her that he had to take a picture four different times because they didn’t believe it was him.
I took the barrette out and Sophia began crying.
“My flower barrette!!!!!”
I did my best to console her while we waited for the woman behind the plexi-glass to tell us why she was making all of those horrible faces and cocking her head left to right. Finally I got impatient.
“What? Is there something wrong?”
“It’s too big” the woman said, in an Eeyore-like tone.
Susan measured Sophia’s up to hers. They are the same size.
“Is mine too big?” Susan asked.
“What?” I was now very irritated as my daughter was wiggling out of my arms.
“The face –with the hair –it’s too big” she said.
She then showed us that they took the picture too close and we realized very quickly that we were going nowhere fast; there is no way she would use this picture. Luckily the woman took pity on us and rather than saying “we’re closing in 10 minutes, come back another day,” she actually told me to run across the street to the mailbox place while she worked on the paperwork with Susan. So Sophia and I raced over and took her mug shot. Have you ever tried to make a toddler sit still on a stool and stare directly into the camera with her head straight? It’s no easy task. After several bribes, we raced back across the street and handed the woman our golden ticket to getting out of that place once and for all. We waited and waited and Sophia began to yell and pull things off the counter and roll around on the floor and it got worse and worse and so I took her outside as to not disturb the others and to remind her to calm down.
Once outside, she did not calm down; she screamed louder and louder and was now crying that she wanted her flower barrette. I calmly told her that I would give it to her when she calmed down. She did not stop. I was trying to practice that tip that I got from the director of our preschool…I remained calm and said “When you stop crying and yelling you can have your barrette.” Still crying. Next I notice an older woman staring at me with what I imagine to be a mean look on her face; I refused to look at her. I kept trying to keep it together with my daughter. Finally the woman stopped burning a hole through my head with her stare and walked into the post office, shaking her head. Then not 20 seconds after she left, Sophia yelled some more and began peeing all over the ground –this time soaking her shoes, socks, tights, everything.
“I have to pee!” she yelled loudly, while watering the cement.
I was now hysterical inside –why is this happening to me? There was a line of people just beyond the glass door staring at the whole scene. Susan luckily walked out and we began stripping Sophia. Here we were outside, 2 moms with a naked screaming baby and passport receipts flying everywhere.
Sophia went postal twice in 2 days. We are not done potty training!