By: Ann Brown
I’ve recently connected – via Facebook – with a friend I haven’t seen in a million years. Such is the beauty of Facebook. And now she wants to catch up and know what’s new with me and get together for lunch or something. I might have to unfriend her.
I thought the whole point of Facebook is that you don’t have to actually have conversations with people. I thought the point of Facebook is that life can now be lived solely in status updates and snarky comments and “likes”. I really don’t see a need for anything more.
I was hoping, frankly, that life will imitate art soon and we can just go about our daily lives clicking a “like” button on shit that pleases us. Slap a “like” button on every street corner.
And definitely, I see “like” buttons embedded into our foreheads so we can let others know if we are pleased or displeased to see them as we pass by. In fact, we can put “like” buttons on various parts of our bodies. I “like” your boobs and I am happy to see them. Or, I do not “like” your hair all Brazilian blow-outted and shit. Or, I “like” your left boob but not your right one. And it would totally cut down on all that explaining and negotiation and graphs and crap during sex. Either you “like” it or your don’t.
No need for long conversations with people. No need to catch up – a person can simply peruse your list of “likes” from the past decade and know all she needs to know about you. No need to lose precious solitary TV watching time at home.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, if I had it in me to catch someone up with the past sixteen years of my life, I’d forgo Facebook and meet them for a drink. I’d have a…whatsitcalled…friendship.
Maybe I am part robot or something. Am I dead inside? Can’t a person have a healthy, nurturing, supportive, dynamic friendship without having to actually go out and socialize? Can’t a person be part of a loving community without actually having to interact with people? No? Why the fuck not? A person can be, say, a Socialist without going to the meetings. Or you can be a member of Greenpeace and never set foot in a speedboat heading straight into a Japanese whaling ship. And I have personally been a dues paying member of Weight Watchers for years but have I ever, once, followed their eating plan? Or even lost a pound? No, I have not.
I rest my case.