By: Meika Rouda
Almost a year ago, when our son turned 3, we flirted with the idea of potty training him. We bought him fantastic new underwear with cars and spiderman on them. He delighted when he tried them on and then insisted he wear a diaper underneath. We bought him his own potty, a small blue one that fit just right, then we upgraded to a more advanced “cars” themed one where the “flushing” sounded like a car revving and the seat was padded. He loved to sit on it, play with it, even have his stuffed animals sit on it, but never did he take his pants down and try to use it the way it was intended. It became another toy around the house. So we upped the ante and put M&M’s next to the toilet, I bought little gifts and wrapped them up and stacked them on the back of the toilet, our bathroom was over crowded with gifts, sweets, and an array of small potties to lure our son into the destined milestone of going diaper-free. We had incentives galore. This is what we are supposed to do, right?
A month ago, after our son still showed little interested in the toilet, we decided to go commando and spend the weekend at home with no diapers. We told our son days in advance that the “diaper fairy” was coming to take his diapers away. This technique worked great with his pacifier so we were feeling confident. This was going to work! On Friday morning I left a big present for him at the foot of his bed from the diaper fairy and stashed his diapers in a closet. He woke up and was so excited to see the present. He was ready. It was on.
He went diaper-free all day and I kept asking him, “Do you have to use the potty?” “No,” he would say. I would insist he sit on the potty “just to see if anything comes out” but he cried and protested. He didn’t have to go, he didn’t want to sit on the potty, none of them. Several hours went by, still nothing. He was clearly holding his bladder which is made of steel apparently because as the day came to a close, still nothing. I was worried. What was going on? Is he that freaked out by the toilet? I asked him if he wanted to pee outside in the bushes. Still no. I put him on his little potty and he cried. Finally I put him on the big potty. He cried harder. We watched the movie ” Once upon a potty” and sang the song “I’m going to a potty party” but still nothing. I fed him m&m’s and gave him presents, just for sitting on the toilet. Still no action.
It was bath time and he still hadn’t peed or pooped all day. This was bad. While in the bath he looked at me with shock in his eyes. “Are you going pee?” I asked, hopefully. He nodded. I picked him up out of the tub and put him on the toilet. He looked a little afraid but he didn’t cry, even though he was soaking wet. We looked in the toilet and he was peeing. Victory! He laughed and was so pleased with himself. I gave him a high five and as many m&m’s as he wanted. He got back in the bath and I was cheering and telling him how great he was. Then it was bedtime and he needed a diaper. So I put one on him and as soon as I pulled his pajama bottoms up, he had peed. So I put another diaper on him. “Mama, I have pee pee” he said 5 minutes later. So I put another new diaper on him. Then as I am about to tuck him into bed and read books, he poops. Now that the diaper was back, his systems were all “go”.
The next morning we tried again diaper-free and the same thing: he claimed he didn’t have to use the potty and didn’t want to sit on the toilet. I reminded him how he had gone in the toilet the day before but he still refused. It was like it had never happened. As the hours went by I got worried again and then, lo and behold, after bath when the diaper went on, there was free flow. The next day was Sunday and we had the same routine again. He cried on the toilet and just held his body functions until he got a diaper. At the end of the day I asked him if he wanted to use diapers all the time again instead of underwear. He said yes. So we accepted defeat and went back to diapers.
I admit to being really frustrated. I just wanted it to kick in like everyone says it will “one day they just get on the potty and that is that”. Well, not my son –at least, not so far. He has always been the kid that has taken a little longer to do things. He didn’t get his first tooth until he was 14 months old. So we have to be patient and understanding but I never know how much we should encourage or force things and when to back off and just let him decide. As much as I want it to happen, it isn’t really up to me; all I can do is encourage him, talk about it, and keep singing the song “I’m going to a potty party”.
Hopefully someday the party will arrive.
Just my two cents at 63 and training many kids and grandkids. Meika, by giving him back his diaper he knows he has you. I would take the diaper away and just use pull-ups. He is old enough. Eventually he will have to go and will at least feel it much more than in his diaper. I worked for pediatricians for years and after 3, urine training was mostly completed and bowels maybe only when they were in private. Also, putting m and m’s in the toilet or cheerios that he can aim at really helps as well. Just let him stand up for peeing and sit only for pooping. And clearly he can hold it when he wants to which means he has the control. Night time might take longer. Stop all water after 5pm so unless it is a bed wetting issue (totally different issue for nighttime) then let him use the pull ups and don’t give in. Be the alpha male in your household. I love that he holds it all day. He can definitely do it. See if any of this works but you have to be committed to not going back.
I’ve heard training at this later age is tougher because it really is a battle of wills. (Isn’t everything at this age?) Sounds like he is winning the battle. Have you tried putting him in the bath earlier in the day? Or running the water in the sink while he’s on the potty earlier in the day? Or throwing out the diapers at bed time for a little while? If he knows the diapers are going to be there at the end of the day, he’ll be even more determined to hold it and make it to the end of the day, but if you don’t give him that option, he’ll eventually learn that this diaper thing is over and Mommy means business. Sure you’ll have a few nights of really messy accidents and clean up, but you can toss the messy underwear and throw the sheets in the wash and after a few days he’ll know you mean it. You will win the battle once you decide you want it more than he doesn’t want it. 🙂 And if you don’t really want it right now, fear not. Eventually he’ll realize you aren’t going to make him do it and he won’t want to fight it any more. If nothing else, when he gets to preschool and the other kids are no longer wearing diapers he’ll want to be like the other “big boys.” This too shall pass.
Thanks Madge for your comment. I will definitely put m&m’s in the toilet- good for his aim! I appreciate the advice.
Hi Barbara- Thanks for your thoughts. I am going to have to get a little tougher I realize. I have had a few friends tell me to just get rid of all the diapers. My commando method wasn’t going to work if he knew there was a diaper at the end of the day. I am going to try it again and if he is still as stubborn as he was the first time around, I’ll just wait it out awhile. Thanks again!
I bought a tdodler toilet seat with Popeye The Sailor Man’s theme, my son just loves to sit on it as it’s his favorite cartoon. He can sit comfortably on this seat and I’m able to provide him the best toilet training. Earlier he use to cry a lot when I make him sit, now he knows very well to use a potty happily.
Ahhh… My little one turns 2 on Easter Day! Happy Hipidy-Hop-Day! 🙂 So… potty tirinang is just around the corner for us. Love your ideas! Baby Ella Hope is our fourth, but you can never have enough good ideas. Thanks for sharing!Jenn :)www.5andahighchair.blogspot.com