Moms who aren’t flakes are amazing. There are lots of them – the ones that do what they say they are going to do. They make plans and then are right on time and double check with you to confirm. Some of them have more than one child, and some of them are single moms. It makes me think of that movie “I don’t know how she does it” with SJP. It got mediocre reviews – but I understood it. The balance battle and figuring out when to say “no” even when it’s something that you really should do, because, well, they came to your birthday dinner, so you should go to theirs. It’s hard!
If I say I’ll be there, I’m there 80% of the time and I try not to be late. That other 20% is me being a total flake. I got a text from a friend of mine who has a two-year-old. She has started every text for the last two months with “Sorry – I’m a flake! I really did mean to call!” Understanding her language, I tell her she’s amazing and we reschedule plans… which never really happen. Another single mom friend of mine just emailed me about how hard it is to get invited out by friends on a Saturday night – even though they know you have a little one at home. You get annoyed because they know you can’t go, but then it’s even worse when you aren’t invited, so really they are in a lose-lose situation. It’s just hard to be social. Unless you have a live-in nanny, I suppose.
Perhaps it’s because I happily do things for someone else all day long. I can’t politely say “no” when Baylor asks me to wipe his bottom. Skipping lunch because I’d rather be napping or being late to pick him up out of his crib in the morning doesn’t exist in my world. The few precious minutes that I have to myself are sacred and are thought about long beforehand. Do I want to spend my free Saturday meeting with someone I haven’t seen in years, just because I bumped into them on a street corner and we suggested that we should do coffee “sometime” and they remembered and nailed me down via facebook? I don’t. I want to spend my free Saturday doing absolutely nothing on my couch with a blanket and coffee and my fireplace on with my phone on silent.
The balance battle: being social – 0. Allison flaking and being a recluse – 1.
I vaguely recall the days of only thinking about myself – what I was going to wear, eat, when I’d work out, who I was meeting for drinks after work, and what I was doing this weekend. It seems that was a different life – one that I do not wish to return to because being a mom is the best thing in the world, but sometimes the smell of brand new clothes will zap me back in time to being a single girl in the city. Like when I smell really strong cologne and cigarette smoke and I’m 19 and back in Spain.
I’m sure when Baylor is older and independent I will get a whiff of play doh and wish for these days of innocence and cuddle time. Until then, I will continue to lose friends because I forget to respond to a text and they think I’m mad at them, but really I am just exhausted and drove down the street with my phone on the roof of my car. I can’t call you back because I’ll be one of those moms who says, “Oh, I know, I’m totally on the same page as – BAYLOR, I SAID GET DOWN! Sorry, anyway, what was I saying? Right, she has no idea what is – NO YOU MAY NOT HAVE THAT CHOCOLATE BAR AND WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT ANYWAY? So, what were we talking about? Can I call you back? Baylor needs me to dump the pee out of his little potty. YOU WANT TO USE THE BIG POTTY? ARE YOU SURE? Sorry… let me call you back.”
It won’t be like this for long and I’ll miss it when it’s over, but until then, the few minutes of mom-vacation that come by may be spent doing absolutely nothing and loving every minute of it.