For the first week after my husband told me he wanted a divorce I was freaking out. In my head swirled scenarios about our children, the actual custody, bills, our house, my business, and my future. I remember that at first was of the mindset that we could work this out. What can I do to change and make it better? How can we stay together for the of the kids? . . . for the sake of the kids.
Eentually, I figured out that I was being an idiot.
First of all, he cheated! In the following days, I found out through our Verizon account that it had been going on for over a month and there were pages and pages of texts between the two of them. Some of my friends were messaging me giving me virtual hugs and telling me it was going to be fine. Tat he’d be back. Others were like, Fuck him! At the time, I didn’t really know what I wanted to happen. I was just so hurt.
Over the next few weeks I started to think with a clear head. When I set aside thoughts about my financial fears and the fears of my kids coming from a divorced home, it seemed quite simple. I was given a gift. For years, in the darkest regions of my thoughts, I had wondered if this is it. I knew I had “settled” very early into our marriage but I would push those thoughts away. He was a nice man. He was a great friend. But he certainly wasn’t the love of my life. Nowhere near, actually. I remember more than a few times over the years thinking that if we got divorced, we could do a good job raising our kids in two different households, together. However, I soon learned that would’ve been if we mutually agreed to part. The fact that he was a sneak, a cheater, and someone that I no longer respected made that a moot point.
So I was able to be honest and let myself know it was okay to NOT fight for my marriage. He didn’t want to and deep down, neither did I. Everyday (almost a year later) I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t fight to keep my family together because even though I wasn’t “unhappy”, I certainly wasn’t excited about my marriage. I spent a lot of time thinking of this opportunity I had been given. My focus for 2012 became, “Simplify. Restore. Thrive.”
So instead of fighting for something I didn’t really want, I decided to open my wings and FLY.