by Meika Rouda
I have never heard of a straight single man adopting a baby but that is exactly the situation my friend found herself in when she replied to a post for a nanny position. In all the seminars, chat groups, adoption books I have read, I really haven’t heard of men adopting alone. Women, yes but men? This guy is 55, handsome and wealthy and works out of his mansion in San Francisco. Apparently he recently broke up with a woman whom he had been with for many years that didn’t want children. Although he had always wanted a child, he had not started down the adoption road until he received a call from a woman who used to work for him saying she had a friend who had a teenage daughter that was pregnant and was he interested in adopting the baby? That is how he came to be a father.
The little girl is beautiful and he blogs about her everyday, snapping a photo and writing up a little post. But that is about all he does with the baby. He has a nanny there 24 hours a day 7 days a week. One for the day time shift of 8AM-8PM and one for the night time shift of 8PM-8AM. My friend has worked for him several times and said she has never seen him hold the baby (except for her blog photo) or feed the baby. He has never come to her comfort when she wakes up in the middle of the night crying, that is something the nanny does. Or change a diaper. He has no idea of the joy you feel holding a newborn child and feeding her a bottle while she looks up at you, amazed. The little girl is now 5 months old and is happy and thriving but she is missing out on having a parent. This man is totally dependent his crew of nannys. I wonder how much searching this guy did before he signed up to adopt, if he really could grasp what it means to be a parent and how vital bonding is. While the girl has lots of caregivers, she has no parent. Is this wrong? The man seems to love his daughter but he is totally disconnected from her. He just wants to buy her presents and enjoy her when she is happy and cooing. This little girl will probably always grow up with several nanny’s and maybe it is a guy thing but I know plenty of men who comfort their crying babies and change diapers, my husband being one of them.
My hope is that this fellow will come around, that someone will tell him that he needs to step it up sometimes and be the primary caregiver, even if he has a nanny there. This little girl needs to know he is there for her, that he can take care of her, that he is the constant in her life. That is what being a parent is about, not just buying gifts and posing for portraits.