I read two of the most ridiculous articles on the Internet about having a baby. The first one was how to conceive a baby so it’s a boy because the couple only wanted a boy. The one suggestion was for the father to have a cup of coffee beforehand and apparently that had some influence on the sex of the baby. The second article was about the couple not wanting children unless it was a girl first and then a boy for the second. While I think these are crazy articles, and I cannot imagine people choosing one or the other, I guess Justin and I have had similar conversations about our preference of a boy or girl when we are fortunate enough to adopt.
We honestly have been asked this question over and over by our friends and family since we announced our desire to adopt. The question, “do you want to have a boy or girl?”. Our answer will sound a bit cheesy, but honestly we don’t have a preference! I will admit in the beginning we thought a boy would be best with us both being gay dads. I mean what do we know about making braids and having tea parties? We know all the boy things about growing up (besides how football works!). But as we babysat our nieces we realized quickly a girl would be perfect for us too! We also talked to a good friend and she’s ready to teach us how to braid when we need it (and she said help explain football when if we have a boy). Another nice thing about our agency is we do not get to say if we want a girl or boy in our profile. They actually helped educate us to ease any tension we might have had about being gay dads and raising a daughter.
I realize people have preferences, but this seems extreme to me to try to influence the sex of the baby to pick what I think would be classified as a designer family. As a gay couple hoping to start a family, we do not care if it’s a girl or a boy. What we pray for is a healthy baby to enter our life. Part of the whole pregnancy experience I believe is the excitement of finding out the sex of the baby. My greatest hope is we have a birth mother that allows us to come to the ultrasound and learn the sex of the baby together. The excitement and suspense would be killing us as the doctor set up the machine. I imagine Justin and I holding hands watching the monitor. My other hand would be up in front of my mouth as I choke back tears of joy and hearing “congratulations, it’s a….”. It will make everything about the adoption suddenly real to us in that we are going to be dads and have the child of our dreams.
The nursery would quickly begin to take on either a masculine or feminine shape from that moment on. Up to this point the room has sat quiet, reserved for that special little person to join us, and neutral in terms of color. We now watch the room quietly from the door, rarely going into it as to not disturb it before it’s time. We look it in each night before bed with hope that the day will be here soon. We entered this journey with no promises, no guarantees, and only a hope that our love for each other would guide us on our journey to become dads. But once we learn the sex of the baby, the room would start filling with color, filling with happiness, filling with life, filling with the hope of what will soon be. And no longer will I be clicking neutral for the “sex” on our baby purchases!
For us in our adoption journey, we will be happy — or rather ecstatic for either a girl or boy and look forward to loving and making them part of our family. For us, it’s about ensuring every opportunity is available for them. It’s about hearing that nursury that sits dark fill with life as our child joins us. It’s about us being the adoptive parents their birth mother dreamed of and showing the baby all of their potential. They are meant for big things in this great big world, and we are ready. Ready to watch them grow into a compassionate adult and do wonderful things.
We are an approved family with Independent Adoption Center. Visit our profile and Dear Birth mother Letter