By Brandy Black
My biggest fear when finding out that our only child was gaining twin siblings and my wife and I would have 3 children, was my ability to keep that many people safe and happy. Both times I was pregnant and I’ll admit it, ultra sensitive I worried about all the things that could go wrong–heartbreak, broken bones, diseases, mental disabilities, acne, you name it I processed and planned through it all. Now my twins are 2 and oldest daughter is 6 and although I worry less, I dread days like today. Our 2-year-old daughter started limping in the morning, the limp turned to a hobble and the hobble turned to a hop and suddenly plop on the ground, she was done walking. Nothing bruised, no scrapes, no crying, no screaming, no swelling. We had no idea what was wrong with her. Two doctors and a few sets of ex-rays later we found out that she has Toxic Synovitus, a temporary condition that causes hip pain or in our daughter’s case knee pain in children. It’s really not bad at all, it takes Motrin to solve but the process was scary for both us and our kids. We are cautiously optimistic that this is in fact what she has as we wait for her to recover.
The simple truth is, it’s impossible to protect my children from everything, this is a harsh reality that stays with me daily. These tiny little beings go out into the world and forge their way and I sit back and watch and hope that I have aided them with enough armor to fight their own battles and make good choices.
My twins start preschool this year and my oldest first grade, they all have attitude, they are finding their place in the world and it is a lovely thing to watch but I can’t stop worrying. This is something I hate about parenthood. I didn’t realize that from the second I began the process of trying to have a baby till now, and I fear till the day I die, I will worry about these little people.
I distinctly remember the night I realized that I would worry about my wife for the rest of my life, I do believe it was the same moment I understood I had fallen in love. My body shivered with fear and excitement that she would never again walk out the door of my house without me worrying.
I guess what they say is true. Love hurts.