By Diane Ponist
With the holidays here our house is intense with emotion. Most of the children have no idea about what the holidays mean or even who Santa is. Especially when we mention “Santa is watching you”, they give us a concerned look. So we are doing a lot of explaining, emphasizing family importance and being good.
During this time the kids have visits with their bios, as usual. We have a lot of broken promises, bios are telling us of presents or ways of helping for holidays and not following through. We have parents fading off also, they don’t want to be involved with expecting to do extra.
Though we are dealing with the usual issues that occur during visits. Things like being over-fed junk that makes the kids sick and being told things just to upset them. But it appears that the ones with visits at least have bios that actually want to see them.
Our 5th child, “Kasey”, the 4th foster, has no visits at all. It’s not because of the amount of abuse that was caused or that bio is incarcerated. Kasey doesn’t have visits simply because her bio could care less about her.
Kasey, who has just had her first birthday, was conceived over scoring drugs. Her brother was conceived the same way. The brother is in kinship with the bio grandparents, bio mom signed him to grandparents 2 years ago. The grandparents tried to obtain custody of Kasey, the judge said no way, their criminal history is too detailed.
The bio mom was reduced to one hour visits every other week. When she confirms to see Kasey, she never even shows up. Unfortunately waking up by noon to see her own child is too much to ask. Human services says that being she chooses the drugs over their free assistance programs, they are terminating rights very soon.
Most people say we are lucky! No idea who the father is and bio mom doesn’t want her at all. Are we really lucky? All the other kids in our house at least will know and remember their bio parents. They feel a little special that at least someone made an effort to see them sometimes. Kasey now will be completely different and will always question who her bio family is.
She is the situation that we always wanted when fostering/adoption. During the holidays we are extremely sad for her especially. How could you not even want to see this beautiful baby?! People always say to us some people shouldn’t be able to give birth. Well our argument is we are very happy these people do have children. Our life would not be the same!
We tell all our children that we like their bios, regardless of what has happened. We like them simply because they had them for us to love and protect them. That we all were meant to be together, that’s why they were born. If it wasn’t for the bios, our family wouldn’t exist. The kids some how find comfort and respect in this for all parties involved.
We complain a lot, we do. The bios should just give up, most have no chance to get them back. Our family goes through emotional highs and lows. But now the holidays are here and family/ love is what is all about. We learned a whole new way of thinking.
We are now happy that they have the disappointment so they can see for them selves why they now live with us. The questions that would have come later hopefully won’t be there anymore and we can just heal. Sadly, Kasie isn’t going to have that, the love never existed, which is in our eyes the worst situation that we never saw coming.