Single Mother By Choice: You Make Plans and God Laughs!

By: Monique

I had a plan for my life. I left high school with a scholarship to work on being the first generation college educated in my family. All that weight on my shoulders to succeed. I knew I would meet my husband in college and get married after graduation and have a few kids. You make plans and god laughs. Other than graduated with a BA none of those other plans happened. My life turned into a series of relationships some good, some bad, every one with an ultimate demise for one reason or another. I joined the online dating generation in 1995 and turned into a serial dater for almost 15 years.

I feel everyone comes with their own brand of crazy. I couldn’t find anyone to deal with mine and I definitely found some I wouldn’t deal with. So the single road was a big part of my life. I didn’t mind being single. I am an only child; I can find ways to entertain myself. I wanted a man in my life, but I didn’t need one.

I moved to Atlanta in my mid-twenties. Boston felt like two degrees of separation. I hated knowing everyone. I wanted to reinvent myself and that is exactly what I did.  I partied like it was 1999. I lived a very casual life in every sense of the word. I had a college degree, a job and disposable income. Life was mine and the man would have to come and find me. I was convinced of that fact, another lie I told myself. As you see facing reality was not my strong suit. My 35th birthday showed up out of nowhere and I had many more relationship failures to my credit. I couldn’t believe I was that old. I was over the partying and casual relationships. I wanted a husband and baby, in that order. I still have time. More lies!

My neighbor was turning 40 and told me to research having a baby as a single woman. She knew I had a blog and YouTube channel. She thought it would be an interesting topic for me and could help her on her journey. I in no way thought this would be me. My man was coming. I prayed for him. I put his essence on a vision board. I had faith. I had many things to convince myself that my single life would end shortly.

I called a friend and she connected me to a woman who had two children by herself. She was a lesbian which enlightened me that finding a woman was just as hard as a man. Her eggs couldn’t wait.  Still in gathering information mode, my neighbor and I went to the single mother by choice meeting in Atlanta. This is where my eyes opened and I mean wide. I walked into this woman’s house where everyone was seated. A few had children, a few pregnant and few not.  I went in for information and walked out a on a mission to have a baby. First I learned that all white women do not get married. I been in several conversations where that is the assumption. The room majority was white women. One black woman besides my neighbor and I and an Indian woman. I was beyond shocked. The common denominator of these women, they were educated with very good jobs.  The conversation lingered into not waiting for a man to have a baby, old eggs, diminishing fertility by 35, and the trials and tribulations of getting pregnant.

I was never a baby person. A lot of women are obsessed with babies. That has never been me. In the same breath I always felt I would be a mother. When it looked like motherhood could be taken away from me, the realization that I could find a husband anytime but there was a time limit on a baby hit me all at once. Devastation and immediate action needed to be taken.

Monique’s single mom by choice is documented on her YouTube channel.  Check it out.