After I left the Single Mother By Choice meeting, I had made my decision. I knew this journey was going to take me and my emotions to a place that I had never been before. Having a baby was still just a thought because I was far from actually trying to have a baby; all I knew was I wanted a baby.
How the hell was I going to do this? All I could think about was how much getting pregnant would cost. I was in debt, the housing market had recently crashed which made my housing investment worthless. I actually owed them money at that point. I couldn’t rent my property because the mortgage was more than the rent rate. The reality of the situation was becoming clear.
I had so many questions. Would this ever happen? Did I set myself up for a major let down? Was I really going to let the “husband dream” go? Despite all these questions, it was time for me to make some hard choices. I knew the answers to these questions were not going to come all at once, but they were coming. I had to put on my big girl panties and start handling business.
My first move toward having a baby was to find people to be in my corner and offer me support. Why? you ask. The decision to have a baby and be a single mother came with a lot of self doubt. Every day I changed my mind and cried about possibly never having children. So, I started with my mom which was easy, because she was totally with me. I was 36 and her only child, and I knew she thought that a grandchild was not in the cards for her. Even though my mother can drive me to drink on a daily basis, she has always wanted me to be happy.
My aunt, her twin, was another story. It took some convincing. “You are such a beautiful girl. Why can’t you find a man?” Blah, Blah, Blah. I shot down all of her comments which wasn’t easy. Time was ticking and I was done with waiting for a man. After several conversations, even one with tears, she joined the SMC (Single Mother by Choice)
Unfortunately, my father, even to this day, is not really on the team. He couldn’t understand why I couldn’t have a child the natural way. It was worthless to argue, debate, change his mind. I know when it came to it and he saw his grandchild it wouldn’t matter how it happened. I didn’t push the issue too hard on him because I knew he couldn’t provide emotional support in this process.
Next on the list were my friends and I was shocked with how it played out, because it did so in a way that I would never have guessed. If you would have asked me about my friends before I told them about my decision , I would have told you that they would all be there for me. I was totally delusional.
Basically, there was a divide. Half were excited from the beginning and very supportive. They were my “ride or die” clan. Then there were the ones who questioned me as if I had gotten knocked up at 15. I ended up cutting them out of my life. which upsetme . I had always had their backs. I wasn’t asking for any money. I wasn’t even asking them to baby sit. I was asking for moral and emotional support.
I do admit that I had one friend who didn’t initially support me and eventually changed her mind and had my back. She realized our friendship was about to be over. You never know who your true friends are until you need them. I learned that lesson the hard way.
To begin my journey to motherhood, I had to clean house of all the haters and stick with the motivators. With family and friends at my back, I was ready to find a way to make my dream of becoming a single mother by choice, come true. I was ready to move onto my next step toward motherhood.
Monique’s single mom by choice is documented on her YouTube channel. Check it out.