Seven Questions to NEVER Ask a Child with Two Moms (or Dads)

By Mikayla Denault

As a daughter of two incredibly loving mothers, I am frequently confronted with questions about my family. I am always absolutely delighted when my peers bring up the topic because these discussions create one astounding virtue that society needs. This virtue is awareness. Awareness spreads information like wildfire and ignites conversations on certain topics that astray from the minds of many people. I encourage anyone who wants to learn more about the LGBT community to partake in asking questions, whether inquisitive or unreasonable, because this awareness mends the injustice of discrimination of this courageous community. Conversation helps people understand what many LGBT people are going through every day, know that all love is love, remember that everyone is made in the image and likeness of God, and cease hate against loving people who use their amazing talents every day to fight for what they believe in.

Of course, however, I am seasonally presented with fairly baffling questions that can be extremely offending and have no factual knowledge supporting them. These awkward situations have really helped me flourish into the strong-willed, courageous lady I am today who can deflect negativity and answer rude questions with composure and factual knowledge that deflects any side comments that could occur. Here are seven questions that you should NEVER ask a child with two moms because if these questions are said, we will answer, but we may steer clear of a conversation with you the next time we see you.

Question #1: Isn’t it weird to have two moms?

This question infuriates me because it makes no sense especially since I am biologically their child. Just like a foreign language may seem strange to you but not to another country that speaks that language, every aspect of my childhood and my lifestyle are natural to me.  My daily routine is exactly the same as most families, and my moms love me as much as every incredible parent would. So why does it matter? Love is love, and every family, no matter what their differences, share a bond that is incomparable to any force in the universe.

Question #2: Isn’t it impossible for two females to have a kid?

This question is mostly asked by my fellow peers. I respond with a visual representation so that no one will forget the answer. I usually state, “I’m here, aren’t I?” My childhood response was a more innocent answer with me having no clue how I was born. The question would result in me proclaiming that I was a miracle. My parents took a chance on a new experience, which was me. Of course the journey getting there was unknown and difficult, but not impossible.

Question #3: When were you adopted?

My mom, Meg, was once asked this by a priest who just assumed this was the case. This priest didn’t even have the audacity to ask politely how I was brought into this universe. Even asking politely, that is personal information that is unnecessary to share. That is rude to ask a parent who went through so much just for me to be loved and celebrate this incredible life on Earth. Even if I was adopted, my parents are my parents and I’m their daughter no matter what the circumstance, and that’s all that matters. My mother responded to the priest, baffling him, no less, by saying that I’m biologically theirs with much composure and pride.

Question #4: Have you ever wanted a dad?

Out of all my peers, I am known for my positivity and happiness. So for someone to even question my happiness with my family is strange. No, I never wanted a father because that would be like completely vanquishing the people I love the most from my life. Why would I change the life I love and care about with a life in which I would have an empty space left from my mothers? I love my family with infinite love and I wouldn’t trade my circumstances for anything or anyone.

Question #5: Do your moms do [enter stereotypical activity here]?

This question aggravates me so much because it’s as if the person asking such a question is making my parents and the LGBT community separate from society. I dislike when people assume something without even getting to know a person. This is what causes hate and bullying. One of the problems I want to erase in life is stereotypes — learning how they originated, and how to cease them from being spoken. I would usually respond to this question by saying, “Of course, they love to do that, but they also love to do other activities that you enjoy. My parents have diverse hobbies and are passionate about them just like you are.”

Question #6: Which mom is a better mother?

If I answered this question the way they wanted me to, I would have to choose between the two biggest heroes in my life. My moms are the best mothers I could have ever hoped for. Their unique personalities help me gain different perspectives on different issues and topics. Since I am a mix of both Missy and Meg, I learn incredible lessons from each that I will carry with me throughout the obstacles of life.

Question #7: Can you please not hang out with my child? I don’t want your mothers to be a bad influence.

This had to be one of the most disappointing questions that I’ve heard from a mother.  With an attitude like this, my parents would obviously be better influences than she is, not treating fellow acquaintances with dignity and equality they always gave her. This experience left a wound in my soul when this parent limited my freedom and friendships at five years old. After fighting many years, my wound turned into a scar that is healed, but will never be forgotten. With my family and friends standing up for me while I stood on my own ground as a child leader, I received the respect I deserved and my parents deserved.

Honorable Mentions

Is life different with two moms?

Isn’t it a sin for two women or men to love each other?

Is it easier to get away with things with two moms?

I have learned through these rude and strange questions that you can’t blow up with hostility, but can only respond with facts and composure. Anger will only make the situation worse. I’m glad I was confronted with these questions because it has opened my eyes to issues in society today, helped me gain confidence, and become closer to my amazing mothers who continue to be my biggest role models every day.

Mikayla is a ninth grader from Maryland who lives with her two mothers whom she loves to the moon and back. She is passionate about writing and swimming and hopes to one day be a news reporter by day and a swim coach by night. Mikayla is known for her crazy, positive attitude and laughing all the time, as well as excelling in school, winning writing and swimming contests, and playing piano and singing in choir.