By Henry Amador-Batten
“It’s not up to me anymore, it’s up to my supervisor and she’s seriously considering moving him to a different home. I really hope it goes in the other direction but just make sure you come ready to advocate for keeping him.”
Those were the words we heard mere days before we were to attend a pretty important meeting with pretty much every agency that can be involved in a foster child’s life.
My Husband and I found our selves feeling very different about that meeting and it’s outcome.
He was terribly sad, angry and fearful that they would even consider moving this boy yet another time in his short six years on this planet, we are home number nine.
I oddly found myself feeling pretty peaceful. We had really and truly done EVERYTHING we could to help transition this child into our home. I had no doubt he was the son for us yet there was that nagging feeling that kept asking me if we were the parents for him. I was going to have to trust all of these different departments to make this huge decision for us, but more importantly for him.
At this point he had been in our home for nearly half a year. We knew that like most older children in the foster care system he would come with some problems and we were not blind to the fact that this small child with these big problems would more than likely grow to be a big man still struggling with them.
We were open to therapy and therapist and we were open to learning new methods of parenting this child with a different set of skills than we had needed for our first son, but we could never truly have been prepared for the internal turbulence that this new being would have brought into our lives.
Months into his being with us we found ourselves approaching a very different meeting. It was a meeting to establish an actual date for the adoption. We had just gone through an extremely difficult week with his aggressive behaviors. He had always had them but now they had actually escalated to the point of physically hitting me.
My husband woke up a few days before the adoption meeting and said, I need to hit the pause button on this.
I never thought we would have ever said that but truthfully, working towards such a joyous event like an adoption while our lives were in such chaos felt so unnatural to us.
He was right and we hit pause, even though we were so fearful of what all the case workers might have thought about that. You see, even while facing our fears and acknowledging them, we never wanted him to leave, we only wanted to feel better about him staying.
We embarked on more intensive therapies, we have been working with a new psychiatrist on adjusting his medications to try to find just the right ones to help him cope with his past and his present, and we continue to stay hopeful that he will one day formally take our last name.
In case your still wondering, we did not lose our son that day. the meeting really ended up being a good, open and honest discussion of how we were feeling, of what else we needed and of how else they could help.
Believe it or not, they said we were doing a great job, imagine that?
So where are we now?
We all agreed that we would meet again in 90 days or less to see if we are ready to proceed with the finalization of the adoption. Universe willing, when that new date rolls around we will find ourselves walking into that court room feeling fully present, happy and ready for the rest of our lives.